A viper-lizard's tales
by Yumi Take
Summary: The desert sun burns and Zuko probably shouldn't touch the moving cloth, but he does anyway.
1. Desert sun

A.N. : The whole setting comes from a dream I had recently. I will probably write some more from this idea, but I'm not really sure how it will turn out.

* * *

The desert sun _burns_.

Zuko is used to heat, but even then, he's glad for the hat and the way it shades the sensitive skin of his left eye.

The desert sun burns and Zuko is hungry and tired and his body aches everywhere and the guilt he's felt ever since he stole Song's ostrich-horse diminishes with every step the beast takes and he doesn't.

And then he remembers the girl's scars and it all comes back.

He shakes his head and the world spins, so he makes his – Song's – mount stop before he can fall. He wouldn't be able to get back on it.

Once he can focus, he looks at the place he's stopped at, hoping to see something – _anything_ – other than more rocks, more sand, and more dust.

He shouldn't have wished for that.

There are bodies on the ground, a man and a woman. Signs of a fight and blood – dry, with this heat it isn't really a surprise – and neither of the corpses seem to have belongings other than their clothes, which doesn't make _sense_ if they were travelling.

Bandits, Zuko decides.

And somehow he's glad that there are no signs of fire, because he's not sure he'd have been able to deal with seeing more of his people's crimes, not right now, not after Song, not after Li and the fear and the _hate_ there had been once they _knew_ -

He would pray for them, but he doesn't know how, and a Fire Nation prayer would feel so _wrong_ -

He hears a noise and blinks. He's pretty sure there's nothing else around here.

And then he sees it, hidden among the rocks. A cloth, wrapping _something_.

The thing moves and it's probably and angry viper-lizard and he should just go away before it comes out and bite the ostrich-horse – with his luck, that's just bound to happen.

He dismounts, get closer to the cloth.

A sane person would stop and back off, but then again, he's pretty sure he lost his common sense years ago in fire and pain and a quest bound to fail before it even started.

So he tugs at the cloth, gently, because there's no point in angering the viper-lizard more than it already is.

The baby looks at him with all the curiosity of a young born.

And he fucking _hates_ spirits and if it had to lose its parents, at least give it someone who can take care of it, not an angry and lost teenager, who is _fire_ , who is _exiled_ , who is _danger_ -

The kid starts making small baby noises as Zuko takes it off the ground and tries to use the cloth to settle the young and fragile – fuck it's so _fragile_ – human in a way that will allow the prince to use his hands.

He doesn't know what he's going to do. Hopes he'll find food and water soon.

The desert sun burns and he takes off the hat, using it to provide some shade to the little one against his chest.

When he leaves, he has forgotten about the crimes of his nation and the burns on Song's legs and the fear and hate in Li's eyes.

He goes and somehow he's not as lost as before. He has a goal.

The desert sun burns a little less.


	2. Gold eyes in mud

A. N. : Zuko is too kind to deal with the mess that is war.

* * *

Zuko is _sick_ of the desert. Even the ice rock in the middle of the town seems sick of it. Miserable.

Uncle leads them to an inn and the shade feels _good_ and the kid makes a small happy noise. Zuko would smile if it weren't for the clearly dangerous people around. Bounty hunters ?

He wishes they could go away right now, but Uncle starts playing a game of Pai Sho that looks so strange Zuko has to take a second look.

There are two people staring at him and the baby better keep quiet – it does, as if sensing the danger – and why can't Uncle and his new friend _hurry_ –

The old man brings everyone's attention to them and Zuko swears he's going to set something on _fire_ , but he gets dragged away.

The kid started crying with all the agitation and Zuko stays behind among the plants to try and calm it down.

The baby is calm now and is playing with a flower. Zuko sighs, wonders when Uncle will be done with his old people club.

There's a giggle.

The kid sneezes and it's _sparks_ –

And Zuko knows it was _real_ and really, really wishes it _wasn't_ because the kid is dark as mud and looks so _Earth_ and suddenly all he can see is Song's scars and Li's fear and the two bodies on the road and it's all going up in _flames_ –

Two gold eyes look at him curiously – _gold_ , how did he miss _this_ – and he holds the child close and he's _not_ crying – but that's only because the desert dried him and he really, really needs to drink something soon.

It's dark outside when Uncle comes out and starts explaining the plan, his friends can find a family for the baby –

He _can't_.

Zuko has trouble talking, can't seem to find the words – and how could he, when even the thought of it is intolerable.

Uncle gets it eventually and goes back to his club to talk some more.

Zuko clings to the kid life a lifeline and he knows his nightmares will now include pictures of fire stealing the earth, and gold eyes in mud. And he's not sure he'll be able to keep food in his stomach, at least for some time, starved or not.

Zuko is sick of the desert and of exile and of spirits, and he just wants to find a hole and crawl in it and sleep for a hundred years, until there's no war, until Song is gone and her burns with her and Li has forgotten he ever existed and there is no kid with dark skin and gold eyes.

The baby shifts in its sleep – how is it sleeping when Zuko is almost crushing it. Somehow, this brings the prince back to the reality of the shop. He exhales and lightens his grip on the child in his arms.

He is sick of this life. He has been for three years.


	3. Sound of waves

A. N. : I never really liked Jet, but that (admittedly very short) time when he and Zuko were friends was nice. Two very broken kids are bound to get each other. Also I have absolutely no idea where this story is going to head from now on.

* * *

Being on a boat again feels _good._

Zuko has always liked the sea, and even after three years stuck on a ship, he still doesn't tire if it. He loves its scent, the sound of the waves hitting the ferry, the droplets of salty water brought against his skin by the wind.

There's a wave stronger than the others and some of the water actually goes up to where he stands. The kid giggles happily and holds its hands toward the sea, as if trying to catch the water. Zuko has become better at tying the cloth, but he still keeps a close eye on the wriggling child against his chest, just in case.

There have been a few more sparks thrown around after that first time and, much as he hates to think about it, Zuko has to stay careful in order to avoid random fires. Uncle already had to cut his beard shorter after tickling the kid a bit too much.

Zuko can actually remember the first time he showed signs of being able to firebend. He was five and already a disappointment to his father.

It hurts to think about it, so Zuko switches his attention to Uncle, just in time to see him pull a ridiculous hat out of nowhere and – does he really not understand the difference between tourists and refugees ? They aren't there by choice, Zuko sure as hell didn't _choose_ to hide his whole identity, didn't _choose_ to hide his fire, even when it still makes him wake up at dawn, even when he _burns_ internally from keeping the fire in. And when the kid is of age, he won't even be able to teach it _control_ because that's firebending too.

Wait. No. When the kid is of age, Zuko will have captured the Avatar and will be _home_ and –

And if father learns of the child, learns of his – no, not his, where did that come from – firebending _Earth_ kid, he will call it dishonorable, will loathe the idea of fire and earth and will –

And Zuko doesn't want to _think_ about this and holds the child close, as if to protect it from the idea. But really, he wants to shield _himself_ from the thought that father would without a doubt –

Uncle hands him a bowl of food and the distraction is welcome but – there's no way he's eating _that_. And there's _absolutely_ no way he feeding – poisoning – the kid that. He's pretty sure even the sea-birds wouldn't want it, and they eat _rotten fish_.

So when the guy – Jet – asks him if he wants to _liberate_ some food, Zuko doesn't hesitate before dipping the bowl's contents into the sea – he feels sorry for the fish – and handing the baby to Uncle.

And it feels _good_ , being in the darkness of the night, on guard for whoever could see him – then again, he's not alone this time and he isn't really sure what to think of that fact. But Jet seems to know what he's doing, Smellerbee is as silent as he is and Longshot is watching their backs as if he could see in the dark. And Zuko is anything but _safe_ right now, but knowing someone not Uncle will catch him if he falls makes him believe for a second he _could_ be.

And when, after distributing the food to everyone, they all sit together to eat, he's alright with that.

He crushes some rice with a spoon to feed the child – thanks the spirits, it's actually old enough to eat things other than milk – while the others do some small talk. Jet notes the baby doesn't look anything like Zuko – Li – and Zuko has never known how to lie, so he tells the truth about the desert and the bandits and the not-a-viper-lizard-child.

Zuko goes back to feeding the kid and Jet asks how they named it. Uncle called it _Lin_ but Zuko – Zuko never uses the name, because if it has a name it's _alive_ and if it's alive it can _die_ , like Uncle almost did, it can _disappear_ , like mother _did_ , it can _betray_ him, like Azula – and Azula always _lies_ , there's no way father would ask her to –

Except he _would_.

Jet offers to take the child and feed it so Zuko – _Li_ – can finish his food while it's still warm. And everyone else is done eating while his bowl is still more than half full, so Zuko hands the baby to Jet – who looks really happy and starts talking about how he didn't know The Duke when he was this young, but both are playful and very much alike.

Zuko wonders who The Duke is. Hopes the child won't sneeze on Jet.

It doesn't. Decides to play with the piece of wheat in Jet's mouth – _the same as The Duke, are you sure you're not family ?_ Jet laughs and looks at the baby, grinning. His smile freezes and he looks _pained_ and so _sad_ and Zuko doesn't understand why, until he realizes –

Jet is looking at the kid's face.

He's looking at its _eyes_.

And then he looks up, at Zuko, at the scar, at his gold eyes, and he has the same pained expression, and Zuko knows what he's thinking, he knows and he wants to _scream_ , scream that his parents were _married_ – did mother ever really like that man – that he was _wanted_ – but not like Azula, never like Azula – that he _loves_ his fire – the kid always laughs at the sparks.

All he can do is stare at his bowl while Uncle runs after Smellerbee to apologize for whatever he did and doesn't notice that something – _everything_ – is wrong, that Zuko needs _help_ and want to run away and why does everything blow up in his _face_ –

Jet goes back to feeding the child and Uncle comes back and Zuko still _hurts_ –

And when at night he stands in the mist and tries to forget everything, Jet walks up behind him and says that he knows – he _doesn't_ – that they're both outcasts – he's right and it _hurts_ – they're the _same_ – Zuko gets what he means and he wants to _cry_ – they should watch each other's back – memories of liberating food and feeling safe come to mind, and Zuko doesn't know what to _do_ –

Jet ends by offering to help with the baby.

There's no way Zuko can refuse _that_ , so he doesn't say anything. He just hopes the waves will take everything away.


	4. Wheat fire

A. N. : Jet's mind is a very scary place and his thoughts are not as polite as Zuko's. Also he somehow hijacked this chapter.

* * *

There's so much _noise_ here.

The train station is so full of refugees Zuko wonders how they all fit inside. He supposes most of them were on the ferry, but he doesn't recognize anyone's face. Not as if he paid any attention to the before, anyway.

He wonders – no. He _doesn't_ wonder about the Freedom Fighters and whether they are around or not, doesn't _care_ about them either, he has _forgotten_ the feeling of safety and he'd sooner have his face _stolen_ than remember the look on Jet's face –

It hurts. He doesn't _want_ to care, why can't he just _forget_ –

Jet standing next to him certainly doesn't help.

Uncle complains about his tea being cold and Jet sits down – what does he want, spirits, can't he leave Zuko _alone_ –

The child tries to play with the piece of wheat dangling from Jet's mouth but Zuko doesn't pay attention, too busy trying not to show how bad he feels and Jet asks him what he plans on doing in Ba Sing Se and how the hell should he know, it's not as if he has any work experience – but he can't say that, can he – and anyway, does Jet even have any plans for himself, beside following Zuko around when all he want to do is forget about his existence –

The wheat is on _fire_.

Jet jumps to his feet and takes a step back and his eyes are screaming – surprise, disgust hate fearfear _fear_ –

Zuko holds the child protectively and stares as Jet's face shifts into something fearful, hateful, crazed and _dangerous_. Uncle has completely forgotten his tea and looks between the two teenagers, very still – ready to intervene if things take a turn for the worse.

They stay like that, unmoving, until Smellerbee walks up to Jet to talk about something, and he all but jumps at the chance to – run away – make a strategic retreat and calm the fuck _down_ and he can hear his parents screaming as they burn and he can still see the flame – so close to his face, too _close_ – and Lin shouldn't have looked so happy it doesn't make _sense_ and he knows he's slipping and he _can't_ , not here, not with Smellerbee next to him and he's not going to lose it now _dammit_ !

Longshot raises an eyebrow when they get to him and Jet knows he must look terrible – fire, screams, and his feet hurt from running on the burning ground – but he's not going to explain, he can't lean on his kids – a _kid_ , and if it had been Mushi or even Li he wouldn't have hesitated but he can't hurt a child – there were children in Gaipan too – it wasn't the same – he was ready to drown them – it was a necessary sacrifice – children Jet for fuck's sake _Katara was right_ –

Bee and Longshot look worried and Jet tries to put that damn cocky smirk back on his face but he _can't_ –

In the forest, if he had a breakdown he would just get in his own small tree-house and no one would disturb him, even if they had no idea what was happening, and he could face his nightmares alone and calm down, because if he didn't he'd get his kids _killed_.

But here he has nowhere to hide, and if he can't get better on his own, he'd like to at least have someone to talk to but he doesn't have that either.

He hopes Li knows exactly how lucky he is to have his uncle by his side, because even if they're the same, they aren't really, Jet can't be a child anymore and Li doesn't know how it _feels_ to lose someone you're supposed to protect – Jet remembers the face of every kid he _lost_.

He lets his breath out. Closes his eyes and thinks.

Li looks so Fire it _hurts_ and Lin _breathes_ fire but it's not their fault, they are victims, just like he is.

He won't inflict his nightmares on Li.


	5. Smoke world

A. N. : It would seem freakouts are contagious. Thankfully, Zuko is not as far gone as Jet. Please compare this chapter to the precedent, I tried making small references with the phrasing and all.

* * *

Jet is _gone_.

He left with Smellerbee and yet Zuko can still see his expression, terrified and ready to _kill_.

He's shaking and Uncle has to pry his arms open to take the baby and try to soothe it – when did it start sobbing and just how _long_ had Zuko been sitting there ?

His eyes drop to the ground, to the charred straw, and he has the strange urge to pick it up. But what would be the use – he can't _fix_ this, just like he can't fix the life he's _lucky_ to have. Can't fix his face, can't fix his honor, can't even fix a little kid's life. And if he hadn't drawn Jet's attention, nothing would have happened, the child wouldn't be in danger and –

This is all his _fault_.

He's going to lose Lin, just like he lost mother – why didn't he stop her – just like he almost lost Uncle – if only he'd been a little faster – just like he always lost _everything_.

And this time it won't be Azula, no, this time it will be _Jet_ and he knew he wasn't _safe_ , why did he let him _close_ –

Uncle gets him up on his feet and he guesses they are getting on the train. Right now the world is a huge blur and the kid is in Uncle's arms – it's _safer_ than with him – and he can't hold it to keep a grip on reality – really, he's depending on a child, how _low_ has he sunken – but if he can just stop and _think_ for a second –

Jet won't hurt a kid. Probably. He seems to care for them and – he was so _close_ at the station, he could've done it _then_. At the time, he looked like he'd found a viper-lizard in his shoe, but he didn't _move_. He didn't _react_ , which means if he acts he will _think_ about it. The child is _safe_.

Zuko lets a shaky breath out – he should be more careful, this one was almost smoke – and blinks a few times, to focus on what's in front of him.

He's in a wagon. With a lot of people. Next to him, Uncle is speaking with a couple and – that baby can't be older than a few days. Did the mother give birth on the ferry ?

Speaking of children, his own – there's no use in denying his attachment to the kid at this point – is trying to escape Uncle's hold and go back to the one usually carrying it. At least the love is mutual.

Spirits, he is in deep shit, as Lieutenant Jee would say.

The child – maybe he should start calling it by its name – moves its hands in his direction and Zuko sees the sparks – so _that's_ why. He guesses frustration _can_ be an effective fuel.

He gestures Uncle to give him Lin before she sets his beard on fire _again_ , and once he has her, the attention of the couple – scratch that, the attention of what feels like the whole _car_ is on him.

The young mother smiles kindly at him, in what he supposes is understanding, and why would she –

Oh.

She thinks – like the rest of them surely – she thinks he is Lin's –

Oh. Oh no. No he's not ready for this and Uncle is looking at him, faking innocence and what did he _tell_ them –

He would set something on fire, preferable Uncle's stupid _smile_ , but there's a baby in the way.

Someone get him out of this nightmare.


	6. Scents of the city

A. N. : I haven't been able to write for a few days, but at last, the chapter is here ! This one is calmer than the precedents, thanks the spirits.

* * *

Ba Sing Se is _huge_.

Zuko walks through the crowded streets of the Lower Ring, and he feels overwhelmed.

People are talking, bargaining, trying to get clients to look at their stuff. Children are playing, babies are crying, laughing.

There are people everywhere, and probably _from_ everywhere. Some are scarred, others exhausted, and yet all have the same look on their face, a look that says _I'm safe_ , a look that Zuko hasn't seen in three years.

And then there's the smell. Food, burnt oil, spices – it is almost lunchtime after all – mix with the scents of poverty – dirty water, sweat and, spirits, it's almost worse than burnt flesh and Zuko doesn't want to think about what people _did_ in these streets.

Uncle's… contact in the city – how many members does that old people club count, and what _exactly_ is it by the way – knows the owner of an apartment building who could rent them a flat, which, Zuko hopes, won't be too miserable.

Though he's not sure that's possible here.

They walk past a tea shop and – where did Uncle _go_. Agni, now is not the time to be drinking _tea_ , they need to find a flat, find a job, and hopefully get to eat something today. Zuko hasn't put on a lot of weight since that time he almost starved to death, and he's not about to inflict that on _Lin_.

Uncle gets out of the building before Zuko can decide to drag him out by the collar, saying he found them jobs, they start working this afternoon, isn't this great.

Well. It seems Uncle has at least _some_ of his priorities set straight.

When they get to the apartment building and Uncle starts discussing conditions with the landlady – and he's not _flirting_ with her, _spirits_ – Zuko takes a look around the flat. Well, two rooms. A small kitchen with a fire place. A table. A bed in the smallest room. A _bed_ , spirits, he shouldn't be that glad to see the worn down mattress, but carrying Lin all day and sleeping on the floor, without even talking about the three weeks on a raft after the North Pole – his back hurts all the time. He knows he should, and will, leave the bed to Uncle, but it's so _tempting_.

The papers are quickly signed and they get invited over for lunch by the owner. She directs them to a friend of hers who can help them maybe furnish their flat a bit and Uncle agrees immediately – he's always liked living in a nice place and what if someone brings a _lady friend_ home –

This is supposed to be directed at Zuko, but they both know who of the two is more likely to do it.

Zuko sighs.

He should be screaming at Uncle, telling him they're not going to build a _life_ here – he can't. He hates being Li, Li the Earth Kingdom refugee, Li who isn't a firebender. He _hates_ it. But Li can take care of his fire-earth child. Zuko can't. Zuko wouldn't even be able to protect her from his father.

If he can go home someday, what is he supposed to do with Lin ?

The question has been with him since the ferry, somewhat silencing the constant chorus of – _what if I fail, what if I can't capture the Avatar, what if I can never go_ home –

Failure has never been an option. These days, success is starting to look less and less like one too.

Shit, what is he supposed to do –

He doesn't know and – he's not sure he wants to know anymore.


	7. Leaf juice

A. N. : One of the few chapters (for now) that clearly differ from canon and will cause change. Zuko needs friends.

* * *

Pao's shop _reeks_ of leaf juice.

And while that may be what all tea is, Zuko is pretty sure Uncle's tea has a much different scent.

They're handed aprons the second the owner sees Uncle, and how desperate must Pao _be_ to hire two refugees with no work experience whatsoever – Zuko would bet "general who besieged Ba Sing Se during 600 days" wouldn't look so good on a resume.

The cord of Uncle's apron is too short and Zuko is still wondering how to put his on with Lin in his arms when Pao finally realizes there's half a person too much in his shop. And no, the baby cannot stay, what if she starts crying when the clients are here, sorry but Zuko – Li – will just have to find someone to look after the kids while he's working, loads of people are looking for a job, it won't be hard and _– young man are you okay you look a bit pale_ –

Zuko can't believe how _stupid_ he is.

Of course he can't work with Lin here. But letting someone he doesn't know babysit her ? Someone who could very well be like _Jet_ – or worse – and what if Lin throws sparks at something _flammable_ or someone sees her _eyes_ and decides the world would be better off without a few bastards and he's only just arrived but he already knows _there is no war in Ba Sing Se_ and if there's no war there's no Lin and she is in so much danger how did he not _realize_ –

Zuko knows too well the world loves to take away everything he loves, and he's not taking this risk.

He excuses himself from the teashop, apologizing to Pao – he's never bowed so low in his entire life and it's _humiliating_ – and goes back to the flat.

What is he going to do ?

From what he gathered, Uncle's salary won't be enough to correctly feed all of them. He _has_ to find a job, but one that'll let him keep Lin with him. Apart from babysitting – which he's _not_ going to do, and anyway, what kind of parents would trust someone like him to watch over their kids – he doesn't really see many options…

He's lying on the bed with Lin on his stomach and she is sucking and biting his hand – _uh_ , looks like someone will get a new tooth soon. Maybe he should find something she can bite on without hurting anyone.

He sighs.

At least on the raft he could count the sea vultures.

Lin looks at him with her gold eyes – and with this light they almost seem orange, like the fire in her veins – and Zuko wonders if she understands what is going on in her world, or if she is just watching people come and go like he would watch the turtle-ducks back at home.

He could ask her, but it's not as if she's going to answer. He asks anyway. He's got nothing better to do, so he talks and pretends she reacts with more than baby noises. He tells her about the turtle-ducks. About mother. About Ember island and watching the sea with father. He tells her about a home that is – _no more_.

She falls asleep and there's a bitter taste in Zuko's mouth.


	8. Roasted ducks smoking

A. N. : The fact that so much of the past chapters happen in one day is baffling to me. Zuko likes markets as much as I like casual shopping. And he still needs a friend. Just not this one.

* * *

And he thought the Lower Ring was _crowded_ yesterday.

Zuko walks through the marketplace, trying to find his way without bumping into anyone. Or setting something on fire. Or losing Lin – she is bound to his chest as tightly as possible, and yet Zuko is sure she's just going to disappear in the middle of all those people.

Uncle didn't tell him it would be like that.

Well, to be perfectly honest, Uncle probably didn't _know_ this place would be so _crazy_. But having someone to blame has always helped Zuko find some sort of meaning to the things happening around him, and a crowded marketplace is no exception.

He takes out the list and prays he'll find everything before the sun sets – it's still morning, but with his luck, he has to be prepared for anything.

He guesses he could find something for Lin to chew on, too.

Zuko sets to find the first thing on the list – cabbages – and he already hates the world. This is going to be a very, very long day.

The cabbage merchant seems paranoid for some reason. He is shuddering and stuttering the whole time Zuko talks with him.

The butcher is a two-meter tall giant with tattoos of an Unagi and elephant-kois and the sweetest voice. Zuko gets some free meat – _to help the kid grow strong._

The fruits lady could very well be a hundred years and she stares at Zuko and Lin, mumbling things like – _too young, kids these days, shame on their families._

The ducks roasting nearby start emitting some very dark smoke as a panicked merchant tries desperately to calm the fire.

Zuko breathes.

In –

And out.

Half the merchandise isn't here yet – _problems in the Outer Ring, she heard rumors of an earthquake, but that's_ obviously _a lie and it looks like the delivery-boy is finally here and_ ugh _, why is everyone hiring_ refugees _these days –_

In – and _out_.

The roasted duck merchant lets out a yelp.

Zuko hopes the fruits will be worth it – but with his luck ? They'll be full of worms and he will have wasted hours listening to an old woman's nagging, for nothing. He really pities the delivery-boy – though said guy is laughing and perfectly amiable and how does he manage to talk with _wheat_ in his mouth –

Oh shit.

The fire under the ducks goes out.

Jet. _Jet_ – what is Zuko supposed to _do_ , say _hello_ , by the way could you forget about the small fire incident yesterday, also thank you for not killing Lin, that was really nice of you ? And who's to say he won't do it _now_ –

Lin giggles and what did Zuko ever _do_ to the spirits to deserve _this_ –

The child's laughter seems to get Jet's attention, and he looks up – _anything_ to distract him from that annoying merchant.

He almost chokes on the wheat.

He hasn't been looking forward to this.

At _all_.


	9. Ash mirror

A. N. : Once more, Jet hijacks a chapter. This is a mutiny. As a side note, I think Jet would like scars a lot. To him they mean you _fought back_. Zuko's scar ? He would _love_ it. In a creepy _you're an outcast like me_ way. Also intrusive thoughts suck.

* * *

Li looks like he's _expecting_ an imminent attack.

Which, well – Jet can't really blame him for that. Bee and Longshot's concerned looks at the station were a pretty good indication of what he must have looked like. He hadn't felt this bad since the day Katara froze him to a tree and told him exactly what she thought of him – sick _sick_ he's a _monster_ and Gaipan is safer now that he's _gone_ –

Stop. Not thinking about this. Maybe later, if he can find somewhere he can be alone. Right now ? Li will probably behead him with his _teeth_ if he so much as _looks_ like he's going to freak out.

Which he won't. So long as there's no fire close to his face when he's not expecting it.

And that was what set him off at the station, really. He's been fighting the Fire Nation for long enough to be able to forget his fear and the screams of his parents when he's facing soldiers. He _knows_ they'll come at him with fire. He knows and he's _prepared_ to turn his brain _off_ and let his body react instead.

When looking at a war child whose appearance is so _Earth_ most people would miss the fire ? Not so much.

It a sense, it was a good thing. If he had _reacted_ instead of being too stunned – afraid – to move, well – a child what a monster how _horrible_ –

No. _Thinking_. Bad brain.

Lin holds her tiny little hands up to play with the wheat – really, what's with her obsession with the stuff – and it makes Jet smile. He almost takes a step forward but –

The station. She had done the same at the station.

He gold eyes are shining and he sees the _fire_ in them and he can't, he _can't_ –

She's a baby. A child – she's fire _fire_ it burns he's scared _someone help him_ –

Li makes the kid lower her hands and says some nice parent nonsense to her – _you'll play later, don't annoy the man_ – and he's looking at Jet warily, and Jet gets the feeling he knows –

Li _knows_. Of course he knows – they are the _same_ , he probably spends his nights replaying in his mind whatever terrible things the Fire Nation did to him, dreams of the day he got that scar, that horrible, _horrible_ – beautiful – scar. Maybe he flinches when fire gets too close, too. Maybe he's not just afraid _for_ Lin, but he tries to forget about it because she's a child and he has to _protect_ her.

He is strong. Li is _strong_ , perhaps even stronger than Jet.

But then again, Jet already knew that. One doesn't get a burn that bad and survive without being strong. Even more – Li hadn't just _survived_ , he had _held_. He walks with assurance, doesn't back down, doesn't look afraid. And he still _cares_ – spirits know that's the hardest part, caring, even when your world turned to ashes. He cares for Lin the same way Jet cares for his Freedom Fighters.

What would Jet have done if one of _his_ kids had been – well, everyone knew about Longshot and Sneers, but _that_ –

Later. Focus on the matter on hand, thinking – breaking – later.

Jet is vaguely aware that he's been standing there for too long – the merchant is poking him and _this_ _is why you can't trust_ refugees _to work efficiently_ –

Right. Work. He has to settle the fire problem quickly.

He looks at Li. Hurt and scarred and _broken_ Li. Li who _holds_ and _protects_ his firebending child like a mother turtle-duck would.

They're the same. If Li can do this, then so can Jet. He can do this. So long as Lin doesn't – he can do this.

He smiles at Li, takes a box of peaches off the ground, and asks how he's been.

He can do this.


	10. Friendly sparks

A. N. : Usually, I try tp find some element (literal or metaphorical) present in the text for the titles. Here, I half jokingly said it out loud - and realised it fit. So yeah. Zuko might actually need this friend, not another one.

* * *

Jet is acting like everything is _fine_.

Which – it probably is if he thinks so but – it's almost scary how good he is at faking. About as good as _Azula_ , and that thought is even scarier, so Zuko concentrates on the peaches instead.

Jet's smile is as smug as it was on the ferry. His movements as precise, and if his arms are shaking, it's because of the weight of the boxes.

It's as if nothing happened, as if he didn't just spend a few minutes standing there, completely still, with _terror_ in his eyes.

He doesn't look at Lin, though, Zuko notices.

Zuko – Li – plays along with the small talk – he's really bad at it, but Jet doesn't seem to mind and fills the voids in the conversation easily, so it's alright.

It's destabilizing, though.

Jet could have reacted a number of ways – _attacking_ , and for a second Zuko thought he would, or pretending he didn't _know_ Li, and it would have been so much simpler than – whatever he is doing now.

Why put so much effort into being _friendly_ ? Why, when, from his look at the station and during that split second here, it obviously _hurts_ him to know he's standing near a _firebender_ , child or not.

Zuko is really glad Jet doesn't know about him or Uncle.

Jet is talking about Smellerbee and Longshot now, and apparently they found jobs too and – _what about Li ?_

And Zuko isn't really sure of what he can safely say, so he just mumbles that _someone_ has to watch over Lin. Jet looks perplexed for a second, but then he gets it.

He _gets it_ , damn it, and for the first time Zuko is glad Jet – anyone – knows about the sparks, so he doesn't have to make up some reason as to why he can't just ask his neighbour – he's a terrible liar and he knows it.

Lin moves her hands as if to play with Jet's wheat – and of course she does, it moves every single time Jet opens his mouth, _of course_ she's intrigued, but she can't, Zuko has seen Jet's face when she did it before – so _scared_ , and he hadn't seen _Lin_ , had he – and pushing him near the edge is obviously a bad idea.

Just as Zuko moves to stop Lin, Jet takes the piece of wheat off his mouth – yeah that works too – and plucks it in Lin's mouth – what.

When Zuko said he wanted to find something Lin could chew on, that's not exactly what he had in mind.

But Lin is giggling and Jet looks _so_ satisfied with himself – and so smug Zuko could _punch_ him –

Oh well. So long as nothing is on fire, that's alright, he guesses.

Zuko is done with his shopping and Jet has other deliveries to do and – _where does Li live ?_

And maybe they could hang out sometimes, with Smellerbee and Longshot too, and Zuko – Li – can take Lin with him, no problem – except Jet tenses when saying that – and yeah it would be nice to see Zuko – _Li_ – again.

He leaves and Zuko can't help but wonder once more why in the world Jet would do something like that. Is he a masochist ? That's probably not it, but Zuko can't see why –

 _Us outcasts have to stick together._

And it can't – _can't_ – have been honest, Jet can't have _meant_ it, who in their right mind would want to stay with _him_ ?

Except Jet's common sense apparently burned years ago, so – he would.


	11. Washed up war paint

A. N. : One step forward, two steps backward. Zuko isn't the trusting type. Also, I have a concert coming up, so I'm not sure I'll be able to update as regularly as usual.

* * *

Lin is _sleeping_.

She fell asleep after lunch and hasn't woken since. And Zuko doesn't have anything better to do – he still doesn't see a solution to the babysitter problem – so he has decided to go and explore the city.

He has Lin tied to his chest – spirits, let her not be _drooling_ – Jet's wheat in his pocket – Lin apparently likes the taste, as she rejected Zuko's attempts to take it from her before lunch – and a hole in his stomach.

He _did_ eat, but there was just not enough food for _everyone_ to be satiated. Lin's needs obviously come first at all times, and Uncle requires enough energy to work all day, so Zuko pretended to be full, and either Uncle bought it or he did the math for himself and let it slide without commenting.

And anyway, compared to that spirits damned _desert_ , it really isn't that bad.

Zuko walks past food stands, clothes shops, and finds himself in front of a healer house. Apparently, they also sell medicinal plants.

Uncle said growing a tooth is painful and it would make Lin grumpy, and Zuko is tempted to go in and ask if there aren't any tricks to ease the process a bit – grumpy firebender means more sparks, and that means even smaller hopes of finding someone to take care of Lin – but he has neither the money for herbs, nor ways to work and repay an advice.

He hears a voice calling _Li_ , and he has to force himself to turn around. He got used to the name faster than he wants to admit, but he always has the urge to tell people they're mistaken.

The person facing him is a very short girl that he has never seen in his life. But she starts explaining that she works at the healer house here, well – _mostly it's just getting rid of dirty stuff, bringing tools or getting water_ – she gestures the jug she's carrying – _but it's better than making deliveries and having to bear with annoying merchants –_

That – that rings a bells, but –

Jet told her and Longshot he'd met Li this morning.

Oh.

 _Smellerbee_.

And Zuko guesses she had to get rid of the war paint and put some effort into actually kind of looking like a girl to get the job, because it doesn't feel like something she'd do of her own volition.

Still, he doesn't remember her being the friendly type, so her walking up to him to talk is _perplexing_.

Did Jet ask her to do this ?

As it turns out, he didn't. He merely informed the Freedom Fighters of his intention to hang out, and since he looked like he was _fine_ now, Smellerbee decided to make some sort of effort – _think_ _of it as a peace offering._

Don't peace offerings come after a war ?

She adds that whatever Zuko – Li – _did_ to Jet at the station, he'd better _not_ do it again, or he'd find himself in a lot of _pain_ – her hand instinctively goes up to her belt, and Zuko would bet there's a dagger hidden there.

Ouch. That explains the peace offering.

It also means Jet didn't tell his friends about Lin. Which is a _good_ thing, really. Less potential danger to the child. Except – Smellerbee waves a goodbye as she goes into the building.

Except Jet didn't tell his _friends_. Zuko doesn't have a lot of experience in this field, but he's pretty sure friends are supposed to tell each other when they're upset – and Jet was clearly beyond _upset_ at the station. Breaking down or agonizing, maybe.

And Zuko isn't about to trust someone to watch his back if that someone isn't willing to do the same.

Not that he was going to in the first place.


	12. Before dawn

A. N. : Short introspective chapter after all this socializing.

* * *

Firebenders wake up at _dawn_.

It doesn't matter how well or how much they sleep, they always rise with the sun. With their blood boiling and fire at their fingertips.

Even Lin is the same, and at her age, bending is limited to sparks. Fire comes later, often around three. Azula made a flame at two.

Zuko's first fire was at seven.

It's not dawn yet, but Zuko is awake. He hasn't been able to sleep well since his banishment. Uncle doesn't have the same problem, but Uncle isn't the one whose dishonor was burned in his _face_.

Zuko thinks back on this day, and he wonders what he should've done.

The strategy of that old general was objectively a good one, but it felt _wrong_. It – Li and his family and those rotten guards and Song's legs and Jet's crazed eyes – it _still_ feels wrong.

Fighting the Agni Kai ? Defying the Fire Lord not only in words but in acts too ? Going up against the father he loved – and he still _loves_ him, even when it _burns_ to think about him and it must have been Zuko's fault somehow, because father isn't wrong, father _can't_ be wrong –

Lin shifts in her sleep.

It makes him smile, the way she's so small and fragile and innocent and _trusting_. The way she doesn't know better. The way she doesn't _have_ to know any better.

Father would kill her. Azula would kill her and father would be _proud_. Proud to have a daughter who doesn't let things such as _feelings_ get in the way of duty.

There it is. Zuko's failure. Feelings. A weak heart that even exile can't strengthen. That makes him act against his best interests.

He tried to save Zhao even though they had been fighting to the death the second before.

He wanted to make sure Lin would be safe and Azula shot Uncle down, she shot him _down_ and if he hadn't been _late_ –

Mother loved him, though. She loved him even with that weakness of his.

Mother, who disappeared the night grandfather died, the night Azula said these horrible, _horrible_ things father would _never_ –

Duty over feelings.

He wouldn't _want_ to – he _wouldn't_ – but he would do it.

Zuko curls up on himself.

Dawn is coming, but he feels cold.


	13. Warm spices

A. N. : Zuko needs a hug. He would refuse it, but he needs one.

* * *

Jet is at the _door_.

For some time Zuko actually thought Jet forgot about him. He's not sure the thought brought him comfort or disappointment, though.

But what he may or may not think doesn't matter now, because Jet is here with Smellerbee and Longshot, and Uncle is very determined to make Zuko go out with his _friends_ – he's not going to call them _that_ any time soon, but he'll let Uncle dream.

It feels strange, leaving without Lin, but he can't afford sparks, not when Jet looks so _relieved_ she's staying with Uncle. And maybe he's acting like a mother turtle-duck, and maybe he's reassuring himself more than Lin, and maybe Smellerbee is snickering while Jet is biting his lips, and maybe Longshot is even smiling. _Maybe_. Zuko would rather go back to the North Pole than admit it.

So when Jet tries making a comment, Zuko punches him in the ribs and Smellerbee laughs and Longshot rolls his eyes and maybe they look like actual friends – Zuko can't find it in himself to care.

They end up sitting near a fountain, eating noodles, talking about their life in Ba Sing Se and how they're doing so far.

Smellerbee feels naked without her war paint and wishes he workplace allowed her to keep it. Her shoulders are sore from all the water she's been carrying.

Jet is sprawled on the ground and from his experience, water is _fine_ , have you ever tried carrying wood and steel all day, thanks the spirits there are earthbenders working here, otherwise he's have to carry _rocks_ too – _ugh, why can't they copy Omashu instead of exploiting refugees._

And that's not even talking about the _clients_. Some are nice, but others are just _ungrateful little shits_ – Zuko thinks of that fruit seller and he has to admit the description is rather _accurate_.

Longshot doesn't say anything – does he ever – but the two others nod and add to what _wasn't_ said – Zuko just looks at them awkwardly. He feels that he should be able to understand, that it is _expected_ he does, but he's always been bad at reading people. Just another thing Azula is much better at.

When they turn to him, he doesn't know what to say – he doesn't have a job and spends his days taking care of Lin and walking around the Lower Ring.

And Smellerbee didn't know waiter paid good enough to feed two and a half people and no, no it _doesn't_ – Zuko has lost weight and he doesn't even _like_ what he's eating, it was just the _cheapest_ thing at the stand and not taking anything would have raised questions, but he doesn't say that, doesn't _show_ that, he's not going to lean on _anyone_ –

Longshot and Jet have a silent conversation and Jet gets up and – where is he _going_ ?

And if the problem is only that someone has to take care of the baby, why doesn't Zuko – Li – ask a neighbour or even, hell, _Jet_ could do it, he hates his job and has always been good with children –

No offense, but Jet is the _last_ person Zuko wants to see alone with Lin. And he's pretty sure that feeling is mutual.

Smellerbee looks surprised. Longshot raises an eyebrow.

Jet still hasn't _told_ them and Zuko wants to _punch_ him and he doesn't know what to say, he _can't_ lie but he doesn't know how they'd react to the truth.

What if they're worse that Jet ?

The silence stretches out and Zuko wishes something – _anything_ – would happen –

Jet arrives with another serving of noodles and hands them to Zuko. And damn, they smell _good_ and Zuko's stomach growls but he can't _accept_ this – _charity_.

Longshot tells him to eat, and it's probably the shock of hearing his voice – he can _talk_ – that makes Zuko obey.

The noodles are spicy and warm and why would these people do this for him they don't have that much money either and how can he pay them _back_ –

Jet laughs and says it's fine, they're _friends_ – friends and maybe it's just his stomach talking, but Zuko feels a bit more ready to believe Jet. Maybe _Li_ can be friends with the Freedom Fighters. Maybe the Avatar will win and Zuko will be forgotten and Li will spend his life in Ba Sing Se, taking care of Lin, helping Uncle, hanging out with his friends –

 _Never forget who you are._

His mother and the fire boiling in his veins are screaming and Zuko _can't_ forget, but for a second he wishes he _could_.

He feels warm.


	14. People like fire

A. N. : As always, Jet is a nightmare to write. And his obsessive tendencies are starting to show too... I guess I know why Bryke killed him off, he just has too many problems to adapt to peace without help, and who would help him ?

* * *

Li is _eating_ the noodles.

With his pride, Jet could've bet Li would rather starve to death than accept any kind of charity. Except the guy is actually eating, so there must be a limit to Li's stubbornness. Though he still insists on paying them back.

Really ? Doesn't this guy have any friends ?

Well. This _does_ explain a lot of things, like the way Li is so awkward all the time, but it's kind of sad. What kind of life must one lead to have no idea how friends work ?

Him being a war child doesn't explain everything. Yes, the way Li keeps pushing people away is understandable, just like how he is always on guard, maybe even his stupid _pride_ – sometimes these kids will react to the constant shame of their existence by being impossibly proud. Jet would know, _Sneers_ was like that.

And yet there's so much that doesn't make _sense_ – just look at him, even half starved and dressed with clothes too big for him, Li looks like he'd fit just right in the Earth King's palace, what with the way he's holding his bowl and sitting so _uptight_.

Li doesn't make sense. In that way he's so very different from Jet's kids. Because Jet can't read him like he reads other people. Or rather, he can't make sense of what he's reading.

Which is ironic, because everything Li thinks is written on his face. And here, he manages to be content, worried and a bit sad, all at the same time.

Jet doesn't know why, and he hates not knowing and usually he'd manipulate Li into trusting him and telling him all his darkest secrets – like he did with Katara and look where _that_ lead him some of his nightmares have him dying from the cold it was so _cold_ – but he can't.

It's not that he doesn't want to, or even that his promise to change binds him – he lies and twists and bends people to his will like he breathes, and maybe that's how benders feel when they are in their element.

If Jet was an earthbender, Li would be metal.

He would be a sword, forged by a master with Fire Nation steel. Jet wouldn't be able to bend it, but he could _learn_ to use it, with time and patience and _effort_.

Jet can't bend Li because he doesn't understand, and he doesn't understand because Li doesn't make _sense_. And for Li to finally make sense, Jet needs to learn about him and his past. And since he can't fucking _bend_ Li, Jet has to do things the _right_ way. Through patience and _honesty_.

Jet isn't one to back down in front of a challenge, and Li is one _huge_ challenge. Not like his kids. Jet can bend his kids – he _did_ and how he regrets it fuck he _twisted_ them and made them _kill_ for him made them _die_ to ease his nightmares made them do so many things and now they're gone they're all _gone_ and it's his own _fault_ –

But he can't bend _Li_.

He can't bend Li and that means Li won't be manipulated, Li won't let Jet go too far and drown himself like he drowned Gaipan – all swallowed up in his hatred so the fire can be _gone_ so he won't hear his parents _scream_ won't feel his feet _burn_ won't see his kids _dying_ because of _him_ –

Li won't lean on him. Not if Jet doesn't lean on Li, and that means Li would know everything about the ashes in his heart and the fire in his head, and so Li wouldn't trust him.

The thought is strangely comforting.

Li will never trust him.

Li will never be one of his kids.


	15. Burning candles

A. N. : Understanding something gives people the illusion of control and can help with a lot of fears. On a whole other note, I am currently on holiday away from home, so updates might not be quite as regular as usual.

* * *

Zuko doesn't know what to _do_.

After that first evening, he went out with the Freedom Fighters a few more times. He's come to await them with impatience – it is _fun_ to be with them, even if all they do is eat and talk and walk through the city like they own the streets. It's fun and Zuko loves listening to their stories, feels comfortable with them – he's even starting to understand Longshot's small quirks, his slight smiles, the way his brows raise when Jet says something stupid.

He likes them.

And that's the problem, really. Because Zuko is getting attached, attached to this life, attached to these people, as if he can afford it, as if the situation with Lin wasn't already confusing enough.

He's beginning to feel happier here than he did back home, and that's not how it's _supposed_ to be, he should hate this city, he should be thinking about capturing the Avatar, about getting his honor back, not – not having fun with orphans and caring lovingly for a war baby.

Said baby is on the ground near the table, chewing a piece of leather Zuko got from Smellerbee – where _she_ found it, now that's a really good question.

Someone is knocking on the door.

Jet has his usual grin plastered on his face, and the ever present stupid wheat in his mouth. And it's way too early in the afternoon for him to be free, what on earth is he doing here ?

And Jet laughs, and his boss got in trouble with the Dai Li and got arrested, so he has nothing to do and how about Zuko – Li – comes to town with him to do whatever they feel like doing and – Lin giggles and rolls on her back.

And Jet freezes and he didn't forget about her, did he, and he awkwardly looks to the side, as is wishing he could just disappear.

Zuko says he can't leave Lin on her own, and it's so _obvious_ why is he even – Jet won't leave because he's not the type to back off in front of anything, even when he definitely wants to, and Zuko tries to think up something, and excuse, so that Jet won't have to stay here because of his stupid _pride_ , so that Lin won't be in _danger_ –

Jet swallows. Closes his eyes. Opens them. Exhales. He asks if Zuko – Li – has a bucket of water, and his smile is so weak – so far from his usual smirk.

Zuko stills for a second, before getting it.

They sit around the table, Zuko next to Lin, and Jet so close to the basin he's almost _in_ it.

A bit of small talk, Jet explains the whole thing with his boss and damn are the Dai Li effective no wonder everyone's scared of them thank the spirits they're on the _good side_ of the war –

Zuko gets up to make some tea.

And he knows he's far from being as good a brewer as Uncle, but Jet makes such a face after taking a sip that it's kind of humiliating. Jet probably notices his frown, because he drinks some more and adds that he's had much worse in the past, like the time a squirrel-frog put its eggs in his stock of water and he didn't realize until _after_ it was in his mouth.

Zuko isn't sure he's supposed to feel comforted by that, but he feels more curious about Jet's story. He hasn't heard all that much about Jet's past, just that he somehow took care of Longshot and Smellerbee.

Jet leans backwards. Closes his eyes. And he starts telling.

He tells about how he took refuge in the forest after his village burned down. How he survived the first months through sheer luck alone. How he slowly learned important skills. How he almost starved a few times anyway.

How he found his first kid, whose parents had been killed for revolting. How he eventually got a bunch of orphans following him, trusting him to help them survive. How Longshot only learned how to talk after he joined them because his mother never opened her mouth again after what had happened to her. How he met Smellerbee, who had run away from her drunkard father because she didn't want to end up like her mother. How she started wearing war paint so the youngest kids would stop asking about her battered face. How one day he found a giant covered in burns holding a little kid. How they never figured out if they were related of if Pipsqueak had just grabbed the first child he saw before running away.

How it didn't matter anyway, because they were all a big family.

How they all counted on him and how he let them _down_.

How he forgot there were children on both sides.

He doesn't give more details about that last part, but Zuko can imagine what he means – the memory of the station is still vivid in his mind.

And it's horrifying. But what's even worse is – Song and Li and Lin and Jet and all these kids, there's so many and yet Jet can name all of them, and _this_ is the war, _this_ is how it's fought, _this_ is the greatness of the _Fire Nation_ and if father _knew_ –

He wouldn't care.

And shit he wants to cry and to say how sorry he is for everything _his people_ did – _still_ do and he thinks of Kyoshi island and _he_ did that too – but he can't, because Jet doesn't know, _can't_ know, because Zuko can't die yet.

Jet doesn't say anything, doesn't ask anything either when he sees Zuko's face contort into a pained expression. Lin makes a noise and he almost jumps into the bucket.

Zuko looks at Lin, at Jet, at the basin. And it makes so much sense, that Jet would be afraid of fire, or at least of benders, and Zuko wishes he were able to help, to help set this _one_ thing right, but he can't erase those memories, doesn't want to because they are what makes up Jet, so he does the only thing he can think of – he takes Lin in his arms and _explains_.

He explains that Lin is a baby and therefore can only make sparks. That the sparks happen when she is angry, frustrated, extremely happy, or sometimes when she sneeze – Jet raises his eyebrows at that. That, really, nothing will happen so long as there isn't anything flammable near her and, _yes_ , wheat is flammable. She can't make a big fire if someone watches over her and doesn't fuck up.

Lin is like a candle. A very small flame that you can't leave alone.

And Jet looks at her – really looks at her – for the first time since the station. He still looks a bit tense, but not ready to kill something.

He smiles sadly, and nods.

And maybe Zuko can help fix something, for once.


	16. Sunset smell

A. N. : I am back with a basket full of angst. You're welcome.

* * *

Jet is still _here_.

He is eyeing Lin warily, waiting for any kind of movement that could lead to a spark. Currently though, she is simply too busy drooling on Zuko's knee to do anything else. He'll bear with it to keep her calm, but – _ugh_.

The silence is dragging on uncomfortably, but Zuko has no idea what to say – he never does. Whether it's diplomats he's facing, or just his _friends_ – and there are only three of those – starting a conversation is always extremely hard. On the ship, the only time he knew how to talk to his crew was when he was giving _orders_. He didn't care about being liked back then, too busy chasing a mirage, but hearing the men whisper in his back sure didn't help his mood.

Azula is better at all this, she always is, but Zuko knows she isn't fit for normal conversations either. Political manipulation is fine, communicating with _regular_ people – not so much.

When they were kids, they were both pretty shy, so they played together more often than not. Then Azula changed – how did she become so _twisted_ , how did that _happen_ – and made friends with Mai and Ty Lee and Zuko was left on his own.

As expected, Jet is the one to break the silence.

He asks about Zuko's – Li's – childhood, and well, Zuko can't really refuse, now that Jet told his tale – it's obvious he left out the most painful parts, but he still revealed so _much_ –

So Zuko sighs, scratches his head, and tries to find what he can possible say without blowing his cover.

He says his father is kind of important. That mother was warm and sweet and always cared for him – he doesn't say _unlike father_ – and that his little sister was nice when she was young. That she was always better than him at everything and that at some point she started getting really – _arrogant_ , he says, not cruel, not twisted, not scary. That one day mother was gone and he never knew why or where. That he got in an _argument_ with his father – he fights to not raise his hand and touch the scar and he _doesn't_ remember that day and the pain the _pain_ was so horrible he thought he'd died and the smell is still haunting his nights and he can't burn anyone because the burning flesh brings him back _there_ and –

Jet interrupts the flow of thoughts – thanks Agni he does – by asking if he is okay, and yes, yes he's alright, it's just some bad memories – Jet would _understand_ if Zuko told him about the fire and the nightmares and the smell, he is sure of it, but he can't say that _father_ did –

He breathes.

He says that afterwards he had to leave the house, that Uncle decided to come with him. He doesn't say that it's been more than three years, or that things got even worse since, that Azula tried to kill him, tried to kill _Uncle_ , and that father wouldn't have batted an eye had she succeeded.

He doesn't say any of that, but he knows his emotions always show on his face – Azula made fun of him so often for that – and Jet is good at reading people, so he's probably taking guesses, expanding the story he made up for Li, and being both terribly _wrong_ and scarily _accurate_.

Lin has her head on Zuko's thigh and her breath is warm with fire and it's overwhelming, she is alive and trusting and he can't, can't deal with this, can't take care of someone, can't protect anyone when he is like _that_ , she is warm like fire like the sunset and his knee is wet like on that day when he cried kneeled _begged_ for forgiveness and he can't can't _can't_ –

She isn't here anymore, suddenly.

Zuko looks up at Jet – did he seriously take the bucket with him to get to the other side of the table – and he sucks at reading people, but he is sure that Jet _knows_.

Lin is in Jet's arms, and they all sit there in silence.

Zuko wants to cry.


	17. Jasmine home

A. N. : New chapter, starring Iroh's inconditional love. A ray of light just as this story is about to get pretty dark... and pretty blank, because my plans only got as far as... maybe 5 more chapters ? I'm trying.

* * *

Iroh is coming home early.

He can't wait to tell his nephew about his day. A tea shop in the Upper Ring ! It's a dream come true ! He'll have to find a name… Ah, he can't wait to make his own blend.

Now let's just hope Zuko will share his joy.

Iroh sighs. Zuko's reaction… well… he _has_ softened since he found Lin. Even more now that he's made friends with these three children. His constant anger has receded, a bit – Iroh will never thank the Spirits enough for that. To see Zuko allow himself to smile at times is a blessing.

He knows the scar will never disappear, but if it could at least stop _bleeding_ –

Perhaps a more stable life would help. If they could find someone to take care of Lin, Zuko could help with the tea shop – Iroh's _own_ tea shop – and start healing, away from Ozai, away from Azula, away from that Spirits-forsaken _mission_.

That young man, Jet, knows about Lin's bending, but he seems too unstable to look after her. Maybe one of his friends could – the girl is probably a bit young, but the silent boy looks mature enough.

Maybe there is hope.

Maybe – if Zuko starts wishing for change himself. Iroh has been trying to lead him there, slowly, but Ozai's influence on him, the harm he inflicted on his _child_ – it always stood in the way, stronger than the walls of Ba Sing Se. But having responsibility thrown on him in the form of Lin is _changing_ Zuko. He is starting to see the wrongs in Ozai's ways – the constant attention he shows to the baby is proof of that.

Or if he doesn't see it yet, he will soon.

Yes, there is hope. So long as Zuko is given the time he needs, he will see the light.

Spirits, let the Avatar's bison that Iroh saw from the ferry be a trick of his tired mind.

He opens the door and can't hide his surprise – Jet is in the apartment.

Not just that. He is holding Lin in his arms – and why is there a bucket next to him ? And Zuko – Agni, his poor nephew – Zuko is sitting so _still_ and with the same _haunted_ look he has after a nightmare and what _happened_ here ?

Iroh takes a few more steps inside, notices the teapot – a fine gesture of hospitality on his nephew's part, though knowing his _abilities_ – takes a good look at Lin – she seems fine, chewing on Jet's arm, and the young man barely looks up when he hears Iroh, his eyes are fixated on Zuko, like he is going to disappear, to burn down at any second.

This is a look Iroh has seen on soldiers who survived the same battles. Who know of each others' nightmares, who always look to make sure they don't break. It doesn't belong on a child's face.

Spirits. Lu Ten's death made him realize how much he'd hurt other people in this war. But to see a child with a veteran's eyes, with the same nightmares – and Spirits, he knows of _Zuko's_ scars, he sees _Zuko_ as his equal, and how could Iroh not realize exactly the pain his nephew suffered at the hands of Ozai, and how can a _father_ have the same effect as _war_ on a child –

And Iroh would hug his nephew, maybe Jet too, to soothe them, even if just a little, but Zuko is too proud to accept him, and he doesn't know Jet well enough.

So he does what he can, brews some more tea, speaks softly to Zuko, holds Lin once the tea is served, talks about the good news and tries to get Jet to suggest names for the shop, always gently, always tenderly, like a father should.

When the two other children appear, looking for their leader, he welcomes them with a smile, invites them to have dinner at home. And the silent one helps him with the cooking while the girl watches Lin and Jet makes sure to always have the bucket near him and doesn't leave Zuko's side, even when talking to someone on the other side of the apartment.

The children know something isn't right, but they act like Iroh does, like they are used to this, and maybe they are after spending so much time with Jet, who has the eyes of a broken soldier, and probably even more in common with one than Iroh wants to think about.

And Iroh knows they can't hide forever, knows the war is still here, knows the time will come when Zuko will have to choose Good or lose himself. Iroh knows that, but he hopes the small peace they have here at the moment will last as long as possible.

If he can make a home for Zuko to come back to, he will even renounce the Jasmine Dragon.


	18. Knots in the thread

A. N. : I just wrote three (3) chapter yesterday. Still going to post one a day, but I thought you'd like to know how motivating it is to write characters suffering. Also I am a mythology nerd and it shows on a few titles, such as this one (red thread of fate of Moirai's thread of life ? Both fit. Zuko's life is a wild ride). And the next one too.

* * *

Zuko is on his way to the market when he sees _it_.

Uncle is going to spend the day discussing the details of the whole tea shop deal, but that rich guy – was it Quon – already gave him an advance, and so Zuko was charged to buy enough food to make a real feast, as well as new clothes.

But none of this matters anymore.

There's a sky bison on the poster and the Avatar's smiling face in the corner of the paper and it's all _over_ , everything Zuko was never supposed to have, to wish for, it's all over when he sees the arrow and he should have _known_ he couldn't hide from his destiny and the world is laughing at his face with this poster and he almost wants to laugh back because at least now things are _clear_ , there's just him and his duty and no confusion over father or the war or what he should _do_. He will find the bison and the Avatar will come to him and he will go _home_ and father will finally love him.

Lin squirms against his chest and why is she _here_ , if she wasn't here is would be so much _easier_ –

Zuko breathes. He can't take her with him, can't let her get hurt, but he can't lose time either, can't let the Avatar get away _again_ , can't fail again can't disappoint and betray father's wishes and why isn't Uncle here when he _needs_ him –

He has completely forgotten about the food, doesn't _care_ about eating, doesn't care about _anything_ but the bison and the Avatar and _home_ , so he walks – runs – to a miserable flat, and he's been there a few times already, like when Jet slipped and fell from a roof and Zuko had to help Longshot carry him while Smellerbee complained loudly but still checked to make sure none of Jet's injuries were too serious, and why is Zuko thinking about this, this shouldn't matter, _doesn't_ matter, the world is screaming that he has a destiny to accomplish and he'd be a fool not to listen.

Jet looks tired when he opens the door and he was probably still sleeping when Zuko knocked – pounded – on the door and he complains about the ungodly hour while repressing a yawn but hey, _his_ _door is always open for friends –_

And Zuko shouldn't feel _touched_ , shouldn't remember yesterday when Jet stayed with him and made sure to stop all the things that threw him back to that day, because it doesn't _matter_ , not when compared to _everything_ he will have once he has the Avatar, because then the nightmares will stop, both the asleep and the awake ones, because then he will have plenty of memories of father being nice and proud of him and not putting a flaming hand to Zuko's face.

What he has in Ba Sing Se is a lie anyway. Once the Freedom Fighters learn who he _truly_ is, they will hate him just like _Li_ did. So he will capture the Avatar and get his honor – home – back.

So he tells Jet that something came up and he can't take care of Lin today and there's no one else he can ask and he's _sorry_ – he really is, and he _shouldn't_ be, Jet's nightmares aren't _important_ , they don't _matter_ , even if they _do_ –

Jet grabs his arm – why does he, he knows Zuko doesn't like physical contact – and he doesn't look sleepy anymore and his eyes are _burning_ and _this_ is how he could lead an army of children, not through charisma alone – charisma get people around him, it doesn't make the willing to _die_ for him – but with this, these eyes that are _piercing_ through his skull, _burning_ through his mind and _reading_ his soul, and if Jet were to use his usual arrogant – seducing – voice to convince Zuko to give up, Zuko would obey, because these eyes know _everything_ and it's easier to follow and keep what he has instead of chasing a _dream_ – but Jet just looks sad and worried and _please Li, don't –_

And it _hurts_ , and Jet isn't the type to beg, so he must think this is really important – and it _is_ – but the broken tone of his voice means that he doesn't know _anything_ , can't give Zuko anything, and Zuko won't follow if there's no _hope_ , so he just hands him Lin and walks away, thinking up a plan to get to the bison.

He doesn't see how scared and lost Jet looks, and he doesn't care.


	19. Wax feathers

A. N. : The titles are getting more and more metaphoric... Anyway. Usually I only change a few details, mostly phrasing, from the stuff that I handwrite in my little notebook, but here I had to rewrite like half of this chapter and I'm still not happy with it ugh. Still, it's much better than than the first try, so yeah. Enjoy.

* * *

It's almost too _easy_ to get there.

The Blue Spirit faces a door at Lake Laogai and he might looks sinister under the green light of the crystals, but he feels so _glad_ , he could go mad.

Donning the disguise, even in broad daylight, was the best way to go around without anyone suspecting him. He's always been good at sneaking around anyway, so no regular person saw him.

As for that one Dai Li agent, he'd probably sooner eat his hat than tell anyone about their encounter and the way he spilled the beans about the hideout and the bison. In his defence, as efficient as the Dai Li are, most people would rather keep their head attached to their body.

On his way to the door, Zuko saw some captives and some strange lights, and even worse, a disturbing swarm of women repeating the same words with the same dead eyes and the same blank smiles and all of them are _Earth_ and yet the Dai Li does _this_ and the thought of losing control of your own mind is horrible and makes Zuko shudder in fear – at least the horrible, _terrible_ thoughts that come with the awake nightmares are his and his alone.

Even Azula's manipulating lies and Jet's all-knowing eyes can't make a person lose their _soul_ and yet the spirits know both of them are equally terrifying.

But none of that matters now, because Zuko is opening the door to his destiny, and when the bison raises its head with huge, _hopeful_ eyes, he can't help being a little ironic.

And he smiles and exults behind the mask because this is _it_ , this is the way _home_ , and he just has to take the bison and –

And then _what_ ?

What will he do with a flying mountain of fur ? It's not as if he can hide it, and if the Dai Li get to him – hundreds of women with blank smiles and flashing lights and he'd rather end up in _Azula's_ hands than this.

But he doesn't have to hide it, no, he just has to mount it and then find the Avatar and – and he doesn't know how to make it fly, and anyway, it would probably just stomp on him.

Zuko leans against a wall. He followed the bison like he followed the trail into the storm, like he followed the turtle-seals until he couldn't breathe and he _can't_ breathe and there's no wall of ice he can melt down this time, there's just him and the bison and he punches the wall so hard he might've broken a finger, but the pain doesn't help, the pain doesn't change the fact that his quest and life and _existence_ are complete _failures_ , and for once he can't stop the tears.

And now he's sitting on the ground and taking off the mask and he puts his head in his hands – and yeah, that finger is definitely broken – and tries to breathe – it's midday, he can feel it, but he can't fuel his internal fire and it's going to die and it's his _fault_ , he should've listened to Jet, to Uncle, to father, and if your fire dies you're nothing more than an empty shell, and he wonders if you have nightmares when you are _nothing_.

The bison blows on him gently, as if trying to rekindle the flame of his determination, and he looks up and he doesn't _want_ to burn out, he wants to thank Uncle, to hold Lin close, to tell Jet he's sorry, to tell Smellerbee she's great and to stare at Longshot long enough for him to actually react, and he's scared, and his chi is all messed up and he doesn't know how long he'll last that way, but he wants to go _back_ , he wants to go back to _them_ –

The bison looks so sad and miserable and leaving it here won't accomplish anything. He breaks the chains.

Zuko puts the mask back on and turns around. He wants to go back – he almost thinks back _home_ but it can't be right, father isn't there and –

Father doesn't care.

Father _doesn't care_ about him, and maybe he never did, and the thought _hurts_. It's the first time Zuko really believes that, the first time he loses all hope to go back to the home of his childhood and he feels _empty_ , and for a second it feels like his fire has gone out for good, but it's still here in his belly, a tiny, _tiny_ flame only burning because he wants to see the sun once more.

He only realizes how quiet everything is when climbing to get to the exit. And once he is out and the suns warms his skin – _Agni_ , it's so _warm_ and his chi strengthens a bit – he sees the Avatar surrounded by Dai Li and suddenly the bison comes down from the sky and it's _chaos_.

Zuko leans forward on reflex, but really he doesn't _care_ anymore, father won't love him, Avatar or no Avatar, so he has no reason to keep chasing him.

He has no reason to _exist_ anymore.

He wants to go back, but his fire is so weak, and he's sorry, he's so _sorry_ , he doesn't want to make Uncle suffer through the loss of another son, and who will take care of Lin if he's gone, no one knows her like he does, he can't go yet, he'll deal with the nightmares and Azula and even spirits if he has to but he can't _leave_ and Lin is just a baby she shouldn't have to lose the people she cares for, not like _he_ did and it hurts it _hurts_ to breathe, just like when he woke up after the Agni Kai and if father hadn't put conditions to his exile his fire would've burned out _then_ , and it hurt to breathe and hurt to _live_ but at least he had _hope_ , and now he doesn't, he just has a rock-like stubbornness and a will to burn down anything that could hurt his child and it hurts but he has no _choice_ –

The fire burns stronger.


	20. Free waters

A. N. : Jet has now hijacked this fic for a few chapters. Beware. I started headcanoning he has trichotillomania after a particularly bad day, and now I can't let it go.

* * *

Jet is _worried_.

He's also kind of scared, but not because of Lin – she is sleeping and he has a bucket full of water ready in case she starts a fire because of a nightmare or just by _sneezing_. No, the really scary thing was Li's expression, the way he looked ready to throw _everything_ away, even his life, maybe even Lin, just to get to – whatever it is he's chasing.

And Jet is conscious _he_ probably looked like that when he blew up the dam – made Longshot do it and he'll never be sorry enough – and he doesn't know what Li is going to do, just that he _shouldn't_.

And that's the reason he tried to bend Li, to stop him from doing whatever stupid thing he's aiming for, and with what he read yesterday he could've done it, could've told him he was _safe_ , could've told him he didn't _need_ to do that, could've told him his _father_ wouldn't hurt him anymore – Jet doesn't know _what_ happened, but he doesn't _need_ to for such a simple task as _stop_ – maybe he _should_ have, but bending Li would be like betraying him and they would both drown in the end, so Jet backed down and tried the _honest_ way and Li didn't care, Li left him with a child he will _kill_ if he breaks Li didn't _care_ about Lin or Jet or anything and Jet can hear the dam blow up and see the wave crashing down on him and Mushi and Lin and he wonders if that's how Katara felt when she couldn't stop him.

No, she probably felt _worse_ and if he ever sees her again, he'll bow so low to apologize he'll become one with the dirt.

He hopes Li will at least steer clear from the Dai Li. Something is _wrong_ with them, Jet can feel it, and he saw his boss after he was back from arrest and he was _different_ and if the Dai Li are responsible for this, what would they do to _Li_ , who has the war written on his _face_ –

Jet breathes.

Li will be alright. Li _has_ to be alright so Jet can kick his ass once he comes back. Smellerbee will probably want to join too.

The sun is setting and Li hasn't come to fetch Lin and Jet is so fucking _worried_ and maybe Mushi will know something – _anything_ – and anyway he can't keep Lin around at night too, he'd just _break_ – so he sets off.

He manages to keep Lin asleep when taking her in his arms and leaves a teapot on the table so Bee and Longshot will know where to find him.

Mushi hasn't come home yet when he gets there, so Jet waits in front in front of the door, praying that Lin won't wake up, thinking that maybe, after Li comes back and gets his ass properly kicked, he could try to find Katara to apologize – he has seen the posters and how the fuck do you lose a huge flying monster ? The lemur, he would understand, but Appa ? Seriously ? Maybe the details are written on the posters, but he can't read, so…

Mushi arrives and he looks surprised at first, but then his eyes become _steel_ and Jet has only seen that look on the men who burned down his house and now he can see Mushi was – _is_ – a soldier, probably important, maybe even a general, and if this man is going to give up tea for _war_ , then Li is probably in even deeper shit than jet thought he was.

And Jet probably looks awful, because Mushi's eyes soften and he forces a smile and invites him inside to have a cup of tea while they wait for Li to come back.

And they drink and wait and Lin in on Mushi's lap and Jet is fighting to not pick at his eyebrows, but it's hard because today was _shit_ and now he isn't doing anything, so instead he plays with the wheat, but it's not the same, it's not enough, and soon there are little bits of wheat on the table and the ground and nothing in his hand anymore and he _won't_ touch the brows in front of someone, he is supposed to be in _control_ , but even as he thinks that his hand goes up anyway and he's never been able to stop it.

Mushi asks him if he plays Pai Sho and offers to teach him and gets a board out of nowhere and Jet has to concentrate and he can play with the tiles and Li really has the best uncle in the whole world and he better know it.

It's completely dark outside when the door opens.

Li is drenched – where the fuck did he find so much water – and he has a theatre mask in his hand – and they really need to have a talk because he's the fucking _Blue Spirit_ – and he looks at them with dead eyes and stumbles and suddenly he's on the floor and he says he _freed it_ , whatever _it_ is, and he's shaking and maybe crying and he clearly isn't breathing right but at least he's alive and still _Li_ so that's fine.

The ass-kicking will have to wait, though.


	21. White lie

A. N. : Last chapter before the weekend and no, I am not sorry. In French, we can say a lie/story is "cousu de fil blanc" (sewn with white thread). It means the fact it was made up is obvious.

* * *

Li is still _unconscious_.

He has been for two days now and neither the fever nor the nightmares have gone away.

Smellerbee and Longshot drop by everyday to check on him, and Jet and Mushi are taking turns so there's always someone watching him while the other can rest or take care of Lin.

It is night and Mushi and Lin are sleeping in the main room, and Jet only has his mind and a candle to keep him company. Discussing with Li is as useless as frustrating, and really, Jet is going to kick his ass _so_ hard for that and what kind of _idiot_ gets that sick from a little water, it's not as if he fought _Katara_ or anything right – Jet has no idea what Li did, but if it had involved Katara, they would've found Li frozen to a building, not looking like he just crossed a fucking _river_ while fully dressed –

Even _not_ talking to Li is frustrating.

Jet sighs. Mushi said that Li's illness was caused by some sort of _metamorphosis_ he's supposedly going through, but Jet calls bullshit on that. Only _benders_ can be so affected by their emotions that they fall sick. Something about chi manipulation or whatever. And Li isn't a bender.

Right ?

No. No he isn't. If he was, Jet would know it. Li has no _reason_ to hide something like that. Except if – no. _No_ that's impossible Li _isn't_ –

Jet forces himself to breathe.

Li is like him. Li _gets_ him. Li is broken and hurt and wears the war on his skin and loves a tiny war child and is haunted by dreams so terrible they come during the day too, and make him forget about how much he can hurt the people who _care_. Li is always angry and nothing ever happens, not like it does around Lin, and if it isn't proof that Mushi is just a senile old man, the Jet doesn't know what is.

And that candle is moving like a regular fucking candle and _not_ following Li's irregular breathing.

Jet's eyes are watering from looking too long at the flame, but he can't stop, because it's just an _accident_ that it's dancing at the rhythm of a heartbeat and if he stops looking he will miss the moment it stops and he _can't_ miss it because he is right he _always_ is and Li may be a mystery but Jet knows they are the same and _he_ isn't like that, isn't like _them_ , doesn't burn innocent villages down – he drowns them instead and he is sick _sick_ and why can't the candle just burn out then he'll be in the dark and _fine_ and he'll be able to lie like he always does and pretend he didn't become like them while fighting them, pretend it doesn't hurt to know he _did_ –

Li screams in his sleep and the flame burns _white_ –

Jet sobs.


	22. Damp wood

A. N. : My A:tlA DVDs arrived yesterday and I got a bit carried away with the watching... Anyway. Jet is still as painful to write as ever.

* * *

Jet could _kill_ him.

Jet _should_ kill him, really, he can't let an ashmaker roam free in Ba Sing Se, can't let anyone suffer from his mistake – how could he _trust_ him, there had to be signs, there had to be _something_ , like sparks or whatever –

But there _wasn't_ and it can only mean that the firebender has _training_ and no one teaches war children and of fucking course, he looks so Fire, how did Jet not realize that it's because he _is_ fire, and the old man is too and he's a soldier, probably important, maybe even a general and Ba Sing Se is lost lost _lost_ , even the Dragon of the West didn't manage to get that far, when it was really so _easy_ , just lie and _lie_ again, like they all do – like Jet does but he isn't like them he _isn't_ – and now the world will burn until there's nothing but ash and hatred and Jet will drown, drown in the flames because he _trusted_ –

But he can fix it. The firebender is defenceless and the old man is sleeping and Jet just has to put his hands around that neck and _squeeze_ and fire can't burn without air –

He smiles a hateful smile and get closer to the ashmaker – his face is turned and Jet only sees the scar, the _burn_ , it was probably just a training accident it doesn't matter _Li's_ nightmares aren't important –

But they are.

And fuck, isn't it ironic that the one person who _gets_ Jet is a _firebender_ ?

Though it was to be expected, when all he does is hate and destroy until there's _nothing_ left that can hurt him, until everything has been drowned in blood just like Jet is drowning in his nightmares, and he wants to drown _Li_ too, wants to watch him fight and suffocate and suffer and hurt beg for mercy _despair_ once he realizes there's no escape, and maybe _then_ Jet will be able to forget the way Li never let Lin bring the nightmares out, the way he would do so much _more_ if Jet told him the whole story, not just for Jet's sake, but because he knows fire burns _everything_ so long as it has fuel, and Jet's fuel is his hatred, so he'll _never_ stop.

He'll never stop unless someone else stops him.

And it hurts, _hurts_ to know that doing the only thing he _can_ do will make him lose his one chance to weaken the fire burning inside his head. His kids try, but it's not the same, it can't be because they can't stop him until it's too _late_ – he tried drowning it in _blood_ , but it didn't work either.

Li is still lost in his nightmares and Jet can't kill him now, when he looks so much like one of his kids. So he will wait until Li wakes up and taunt him, hurt him until he attacks, so Jet will have no _choice_ but to kill the ashmaker it will be _necessary_ and no one will say _anything_ , not even the voice in his head that sounds like Katara and screams that if he does that he will be an irredeemable _monster_.

But he already is, he drowned Gaipan, so many of his kids _died_ because of him, _for_ him, because he told them to fight instead of keeping them _safe_. Getting rid of Li won't bring them back, won't make them safer because they are already _gone_ –

It's dawn when Li opens his eyes – of _course_ he would rise with the sun – and he looks confused and weak, but it doesn't matter, he's _awake_ , and Jet greets him by saying that he _knows_ , and he's not even from the _colonies_ , is he ?

He doesn't wait for the answer – he already knows it, Li is a fucking _noble_ , that's why he's so awkward and uptight and – he wants to _hurt_ Li, hurt him like _he_ was hurt, and he knows just how to do that, it's written on Li's face in _fire_ –

Jet puts his hand on the scar, palm on the eye and fingers extended toward what's left of the ear, and he asks about it – _what, does Li suck so much at bending he burnt his own face_ – and Li flinches, just like planned, but he can't get away, and he looks terrified and _not here_ and Jet's smile is twisted – that's what he wanted, that's _revenge_ , and he can see Li drowning in painful memories, so why is he not _satisfied_ –

Li is shaking, takes quick breaths, shuts his eyes so hard Jet doesn't think he'll be able to open them again, but he doesn't back down. He tries to form a sentence but the words don't come out, don't makes sense, so he ends up saying only _two words_ , and it's so weak, and Jet didn't hear right, it's not _possible_ – but even his own mind couldn't imagine something like _that_.

He stumbles backwards and it's _horrible_ , no wonder Li is so messed up and why is he so affected, of course the Fire Nation is terrible what did he imagine – but he remembers Gaipan and the children with their parents and he knows he can't lie about _this_.

Li is curled up in the covers and he doesn't look at Jet, and that's a good thing, because Jet doesn't think he could bear it right now.

Maybe Ba Sing Se will burn because of him, or maybe it won't, but he can't kill Li.

He's so sorry.


	23. Truce negotiation

A. N. : It is a good thing I wrote this chapter in advance, because I am an emotional mess today. Anyway. Finally someone sane to calm the kids.

* * *

Iroh feels the sun _rise_.

He slowly gets up, taking in the warmth of the morning. Lin opens her eyes and starts making some noise. It's the third day since Zuko came back and there is already some sort of routine installed.

First, Iroh takes Lin with him while he goes outside to get water – she likes the sun just as much as any firebender – to make some tea. He keeps her near him when brewing.

Then, he brings a cup to Jet, before taking his turn to watch Zuko. Jet then rests for a while.

But today, when Iroh opens the door to Zuko's room, he knows their routine has gone up in flames.

Zuko is curled up and clutching his face, but his breathing indicates that he has finally woken up and isn't still lost in a nightmare – then why ? As for Jet, he is sitting in the farthest corner of the room, looking at Zuko like he just set his world on fire.

Iroh takes a step forward, hoping to do _something_ to help – and to find out just what happened here – but Jet – Jet cries out, shouts for Iroh to _stay away,_ _don't come near_ , and his face is contorted in pain and hatred, and he takes his head in his hands, claws at his skull, and his breath is fast and shaky, and he spits _firebending scum_ like the words are burning his tongue.

Oh.

Iroh pauses. Thinks.

Right now, the emergency is calming Jet – there is no knowing what he could do in his current state, and Zuko is in no condition to protect himself should his friend lash out. Iroh will find out what caused said condition later, but it isn't the priority, as painful as it is to see his nephew like that.

Jet is looking in front of him, his eyes going from Zuko to Iroh, to Lin, rapidly, and his expression is one of fear, hatred, pain, sadness – madness ? He is like a cornered animal, terrified and _dangerous_.

Iroh kneels. Puts the cups on the floor. Holds Lin with both hands. Always looking at Jet, but never in the eye. He has no doubt he'll be able to handle the Freedom Fighter is things take a turn for the worst, but trying to intimidate him would only aggravate him further.

This is not a siege, but a negotiation.

First, call him by name, softly, and see how he reacts. It could be worse – he snarls, but doesn't look like he'll attack. Push some more, tell him they won't hurt him – don't add _if we don't have to_ , even if Iroh is more than ready to defend his family if need comes to be.

Jet laughs, a short, sharp sound, almost a sob – _yeah right_ – and why should he believe anything an _ashmaker_ says, especially one who has been lying to him for _weeks_ ?

Good point. Iroh breathes calmly, taking the time to formulate an appropriate answer. He speaks as kindly and softly as possible, like any inoffensive uncle would, doesn't call Jet _boy_ or _child_ – even if he wants to, this is only a hurt kid, but the words could be interpreted as contempt on his part and make Jet more defensive. He calls to logic.

Wouldn't they have hurt him much earlier if such was their intention ?

Jet shakes his head, brings his legs closer to his chest, and he doesn't look at Iroh anymore, says that the Fire Nation are all liars, they probably just want to burn Ba Sing Se to the ground – he shudders at that – they're liars, _liars_ he can't _trust them_ –

And he sounds so desperate that Iroh finally understands some of the problem.

Jet trusts them, at least partly, and it goes against everything he's believed in until now, every ideal, every fight, it all was against the Fire Nation, all driven by a singular objective.

Zuko and him are decidedly very much alike.

And that resemblance comes in handy right now, because Iroh has experience in helping people – his nephew – deal with that kind of dilemma. Jet is still too far gone to let go of his hatred of the _whole_ Fire Nation, but he has now met _individuals_ who challenge that. He's on the brink of losing balance, and if he does, there is no predicting what will happen.

Jet hates the Fire Nation, but trusts Li and Mushi. And he will not let go of his hatred, not yet.

But he doesn't _have_ to.

Iroh represses a smile. For once, Zuko's natural disposition to make enemies of everyone is an advantage. Now to find the right words…

He starts by comforting Jet, telling him he's right, a lot of Iroh's compatriots have done horrible things in this war, and he is sorry for this – Jet accuses him angrily, _wasn't he a soldier too_ , and Spirits, that boy is good at finding weak points – and yes, yes he was and he is so _sorry_ for that, he knows how wrong the war is, how painful and _terrible_ it feels to lose people, has known ever since he lost his _son_ – Jet opens his mouth again, but this time Iroh doesn't let him interrupt.

 _Listen_ – he regrets his past actions, he really does, knows there is no way to atone for them but – here comes the tricky part – even then he _tried_ and went against the current government.

As a result, both him and his nephew were declared traitors to the Fire Nation. He insists some more – despite their blood and birthplace, they cannot be considered Fire Nation _citizens_.

Jet takes a moment to analyse what was just said. Bites his lips nervously as his eyes dart from Lin to Zuko, and he is obviously trying to decide if he can be comfortable with this compromise.

Finally, he exhales.

His voice shakes as he asks for some tea.


	24. Burning coal

A. N. : Transition chapters are hard. But anyway, Zuko is back on track, Jet is calm, and I need to work on my scenario. So much is changing (to think I had plans. To think I dared believe a story of mine wouldn't get out of hands as I considered the consequences of actions. How naive).

* * *

Jet is _sorry_.

Or that's what he says. Zuko honestly doesn't care, _can't_ care, not after that, not after Jet mimicked father's actions – and he knew exactly what he was doing, how _could_ he –

Uncle said he needed more water and went outside with Lin, but Zuko is sure he just wants to give them some space so they can talk.

Well Jet can talk all he wants, he won't get any answer.

It took a few hours for Zuko to come back to reality. He vaguely remembers Uncle talking to Jet and convincing him not to sell them out. Other than that – a hand on his face and pain _pain_ it _burns_ –

No. He is _not_ going back.

Jet is still apologizing, bowing so low his head is touching the ground, and Zuko really wants to set his hair on fire and make him _pay_ – but it would put Lin in danger, so he resists the temptation.

He wants to see her. He doesn't know what would've happened if he didn't have to take care of her. Would his fire have died out ? Or would he have held ? He doesn't know. All he knows is she has somehow become his fuel.

Oh well. Protecting a child is a much better goal than trying to get father to love him no matter the cost. At least it isn't _hopeless_.

It still hurts to think about, but not as much as when he first realized the truth. Maybe he dealt with it while he was unconscious. From what he gathered, he had a lot of nightmares and – well, he doesn't remember what most of them were about. There was something about the Avatar ? And dragons too, maybe ?

Anyway, they couldn't have been worse than what he woke up to.

And _yes_ , he might have kind of acted like an asshole by making Jet babysit Lin, but that didn't give him the _right_ to –

To what ? Make Zuko relive the day he lost _everything_ ? Just like _Jet_ does when he faces a _firebender_ ? Maybe he _deserved_ this and Jet just wanted to get even –

But Jet is apologizing. So – not Zuko's fault. Not this time. _Right_ ?

Right.

Now why can't Jet just shut up and leave him alone for once ?

Zuko snaps his head toward Jet, ready to kick him out if he doesn't shut his mouth and – Jet isn't bowing anymore. No, he is looking straight at Zuko, and his eyes are so _honest_ and he says he's really, _really_ sorry, he knows what he did is inexcusable, but he was – he was _afraid_.

And Zuko knows Jet isn't the type to just admit these things easily, so he must _really_ regret. He goes on with the apology and, damn, Zuko _got it already !_

Jet looks startled, but before he can manage to utter an intelligible answer, the door opens on Uncle and Lin – plus Smellerbee and Longshot ? Just what time _is_ it ?

It's midday and the two of them decided to use their lunch break to check on him. That's… nice.

And suddenly the house is full of life and Smellerbee punches him in the chest – _you had us worried, you idiot_ – and Longshot smiles and rolls his eyes before getting into a non-conversation with Uncle. They start cooking and Zuko can finally – _finally_ – hold Lin in his arms and she giggles and spirits, he _missed_ her.

He sees Smellerbee snickering and she is probably thinking he looks like a doting father. She is wrong.

He can't be Lin's father, can't have that kind of power on her, wouldn't be able to bear it. And maybe it's egotistical on his part, but that's just how it is.

Lin smiles anyway.


	25. Blue light

A. N. : Headaches are a pain. But I live, so yeah, hurray. I hesitated with 'Blue beacon' for the title, but I liked the rhythm of this one better.

* * *

Smellerbee and Longshot have gone back to _work_.

They'll be back though. Uncle invited them over for dinner, to celebrate Zuko's recovery and the future opening of the Jasmine Dragon.

Zuko expected Jet to return to his flat, but he apparently has better things to do, like playing Pai Sho with Uncle. And he isn't too bad at it, if Uncle's comments are any indication. Not that Zuko cares – he doesn't have the patience required to play and enjoy the game.

Who would have thought _Jet_ could have such patience ?

Lin is crawling on the ground, trying to figure out how to get on Zuko's lap, and he watches closely to make sure she doesn't get too frustrated. He doesn't want to help her too soon, though – she has to learn how to do some things on her own.

Uncle is talking about philosophy now – why ? – and Jet is _apparently_ listening attentively – though his eyes say otherwise.

Lin sneezes – no sparks this time – and Jet grips the bucket so hard the water almost flows out. As for Uncle – he seems to have decided that it is now tea-time, and asks the two boys to make some space on the table.

They both open their mouth to ask… _something_ – anything to help their confusion a bit – but Uncle is already outside for water, so they just shrug.

They put the Pai Sho board and the tiles away, and the silence is _awkward_.

Jet is wiping his hand on his shirt, even though it's probably dry by now, and Zuko looks everywhere except at him. What is he supposed to _say_ ? Yeah, I still haven't forgiven you but Uncle apparently wants to adopt you or something so I can't really punch you in the face either, also thanks for watching over Lin when I was off being an idiot ? As if.

What he'd give for something – _anything_ – to happen. Why can't the Avatar cause disasters when he _needs_ it ? Well, technically he is supposed to solve them, but that kid has a gift for getting in trouble almost as great as Zuko's.

Jet plays with a tile, opens his mouth, closes it, opens it again – he swears and calls to Zuko – Li – and starts firing questions.

Li is Fire Nation. _Yes_. Exiled. _Yes_. Why ?

Zuko takes a breath.

He… _disrespected_ someone important – don't raise the hand, no, Jet already knows _too much –_

He is the Blue Spirit. _Yes_ – wait what ? How does Jet –

And he starts grinning, the moron, with a childish glee in his eyes. Talks about how he saw the wanted posters. How Longshot told him Pohuai Stronghold is full of people as good as him and yet the Blue Spirit _humiliated_ them. How stealing from the rich is always nice, they don't deserve it anyway. And of course, he never thought it would be a Fire Nation guy, but it's _Li_ , and it's an exile, so he can deal with it. So long as no fire is involved, at least.

And it is _perplexing_ , hearing Jet sound so… in _awe_ – especially about the stealing part, there's nothing to admire about _that_ – but at the same time it feels _good_ to have someone see some kind of worth in him.

Plus, Jet seems to think is balances the whole Fire Nation thing, and Zuko doesn't plan on bending in front of him anytime soon, so that whole thing might actually be some kind of messed up offer to stay friends. Maybe. Zuko still sucks at people, even if he gets Jet a bit better than others.

It's up to him now to know if he can bear it. If he can somehow… accept that Jet played with his mind once, and yes, if he does it again Zuko will burn him to _ashes_ , but if he _doesn't_ – can they still act like they did before ? Like almost normal teenagers who watch out for each other's wounds ? Hanging out, sharing food, with the occasional storytelling ?

Maybe. Maybe they can, or maybe it won't work and they will end up strangling each other. Still, it's worth a try.

Zuko nods.


	26. Heated up meal

A. N. : I think someday I might just end up writing stories about the time Jet spent in the forest.

* * *

Preparing food is _hard_.

Uncle is teaching Jet how to brew tea, all the while keeping an eye on the duck, and Zuko is making meatballs. He liked chopping vegetable better, at least then he knew what he was doing and the texture wasn't… _ugh_.

Lin is strapped to his back and it's kind of strange – he is so used to having her on his chest after all. He can feel her drooling on his shoulder and he doesn't know what's worse between that and the raw meat.

The meat makes a squishy sound – okay, this is _definitely_ worse.

He must be making a really disgusted face, because Jet laughs at him and says he wouldn't have fared well in the forest, what with having to actually prepare the beast before eating it, and did he ever tell about the time he ended up accidentally hunting a platypus-bear ?

What.

Jet tells his tale, then another, and he's a great storyteller so Zuko doesn't realize that time passes, and suddenly he is done and sitting at the table with Lin on his lap, and they're all waiting for the others to arrive.

They do, and Jet jumps to his feet and hugs them like he hasn't seen them in years, and the table is a bit cramped once everyone is sitting, but really it's fine this way, and Zuko serves them tea while Jet goes on with his tales – Smellerbee adds a sarcastic comment here and there and corrects him when she feels the story is getting too self-aggrandizing.

They toast – _to the Jasmine Dragon_ – and Zuko is pretty sure Longshot didn't even bother _mouthing_ the words, but he raised his cup and nodded, so at least the feeling is there.

They chitchat for a while and then eat. The duck is perfect, the noodles deliciously spicy – _too_ spicy for Jet apparently –and Smellerbee asks who made the meatballs – _none of them are the same width, it's almost miraculous_ – they all laugh and Jet pats Zuko on the back – _guess you're not going to be a cook anytime_ soon – and even he has to admit these are really bad.

This goes on for some time, and once they are all done with their meal – Zuko hasn't had a stomach this full since he was banished – and lazily drinking tea, or _whatever_ Jet is doing on the floor – _digesting_ , he says – Uncle stands up and starts talking.

Having a tea shop of his own has always been his dream, and he must thank the spirits for this. He would also like to take this chance to work around people he appreciates, if they accept – Jet doesn't bother getting off the ground and simply raises his thumb, which, Zuko guesses, probably means _okay_ in Earth Kingdom – or have the opportunity – he looks straight at Zuko and where the hell is this speech going ?

Uncle knows there is no _opportunity_ so long as the babysitting problem hasn't been solved, so unless he has an idea –

Oh spirits no.

Jet raises his hand just as Zuko snaps his heard toward Uncle, but he was probably expecting the objection and doesn't give them the time to speak their mind – he asks Longshot if he wants to look after Lin when Zuko – Li – works.

And while Longshot is without a doubt responsible enough for that, Zuko thinks it would be better for Lin to spend her days with someone who will _talk_ to her. Or in front of her. So she can learn. No offense.

Longshot shrugs and looks at Uncle with both eyebrows raised – listening but not impressed.

But Uncle seems to have expected that too, since he adds that of course, Smellerbee could help.

Being the practical person she is, the only thing she does is ask about her hypothetical salary. Jet makes and offended noise at that – he really spent too much time away from civilization – Longshot smiles, and Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose. There's really no way to reasonably object without talking about the bending thing, and today already saw too many explanations happen to his liking. And most of them didn't go well.

But even _without_ arguing they will have to talk about it !

Zuko grunts and looks to Jet for some kind of support – maybe he could _convince_ the two to refuse – but Jet just shakes his head and gestures Uncle. Great. Just – wonderful.

Smellerbee looks at them, dumbfounded. Why are they so opposed to this ? Zuko – Li – she can understand, kind of, with how much of an overprotective dad he is, but Jet ? Doesn't he _trust_ them ?

And for once, Jet doesn't seem to know what to say.

He doesn't have to – Lin sneezes on Zuko's sleeve, and what is it _made_ _of_ to catch fire that fast –

Jet grabs the bucket and almost throws it along with the water before Zuko can manage to say anything. Uncle looks baffled. Lin starts crying. Longshot has jumped to his feet and Smellerbee now has a knife in her hand.

Zuko is pretty sure the spirits want his head.


	27. Peace brewer

A. N. : I finished this chapter at like, 1:30 am. I regret nothing. But I really wanted to post it this week. Side note - this chapter was supposed to be lighter, but then everything changed whan Jet hijacked it. Curse you Jet.

* * *

The Jasmine Dragon opens _today_.

Jet is stretching his arms, still trying to get used to the uniform and those damn long sleeves. At least he doesn't have to wear the hat.

Mushi probably knows the counter by heart now, but he keeps looking at it adoringly, touching each teapot, one by one, playing with the spark-rocks, like a child discovering a new toy.

Now if only Li was here.

Jet sighs. His jaw still hurts from Smellerbee's punch, but at least it didn't leave any obvious mark. Damn. She was – angry doesn't cut it – she was _furious_. How _could_ he hide something like that from her. From _them_ – Longshot's disappointed stare hurt like hell.

But they were right.

After that fuckup at Gaipan he promised to tell them if he risked slipping again. But he didn't explain what happened at the station. Didn't talk about the sparks or the fire in his head or how _afraid_ he was, afraid to burn and fucking _terrified_ to lose his mind and kill a _child_.

Spirits, if they ever learn about Li they will beat him to death. Smellerbee will, at least. Longshot will just watch with these sad, sad eyes that can make a rock bleed.

To think he pitied _Li_ for not having friends, when in fact he just has no _fucking_ idea how to trust and not just – lie and manipulate and use people again and again and again, hurting them until they either break or leave.

 _Not_ thinking about this now. The other employees will arrive soon, and he has to show himself in control. He _is_ in control. What happened _happened_ , he is sorry, he will tell Bee and Longshot he's sorry as long as he needs to, and then… He'll just pray Li never slips up. Yeah.

The door opens and – well, it _is_ another employee.

How odd to see Li with clothes that fit. He looks more noble than ever. Earth Kingdom noble, which is great. Except he's going to serve tea all day, and Jet can't wait to see him handle snobby customers with that short temper of his.

This day is going to be _great_.

Mushi smiles brightly, Li softens, and Jet smirks. The Jasmine Dragon opens today, and so does the gate to a new life. No more running away from his own mind, no more ash in the heart and fire in the head, and no more bending people. Well, not too much.

This is the start of a new life, full of tea, Pai Sho, food, heat, and safety.

But even as he switches between brewing and waiting tables, charming the customers with a smile and some sweet words, he can't help but be terribly _bored_. Safety is so overrated.

Not doing anything interesting lets his mind roam free, and that leads him to very dangerous territories, full of his kids' deaths and Katara's words and he feels so _cold_ , spirits, he hurts when there's fire, he hurts when he's safe, it just never _stops_ –

What the fuck is _wrong_ with him ? Why can't he be like Smellerbee or Longshot, able to accept easily a firebending war child because, hey, even if they never imagined the possibility, the kid isn't responsible for any of this, why must he be the _only one_ to relive this fucking nightmare over and over again, without being able to escape the screams and the burns on his feet ?

Killing them all doesn't help, or just for a moment, being safe doesn't help, what's there left ?

They're cleaning up the shop and Li looks at him with tired eyes, and _he_ knows, he is the _same_ , and right now Jet can't talk about any of this, but someday he'll be able to do it and Li will be there to listen – he knows it, that's why he couldn't kill him, because Li is his last chance.

Mushi talks to some guy and them makes an excited announcement.

They are going to serve tea to the Earth King.


	28. Glass throne

A. N. : It is the start of Suffering : The Sequel. After the Bison Drama, have the long awaited Azula Drama. More action ! More characters ! Jet still has issues ! Zuko will face his destiny ! (Just leave it some time because I can't fit everything in one chapter.)

* * *

Zuko walks in the _palace_.

But it isn't the right one. Green and gold and built like a rock instead of reaching to the sky like a flame. He has Uncle and a refugee by his side, instead of father and whatever servant.

Zuko walks in the Earth Kingdom palace, not as a conqueror, not as royalty, but bowing to everyone like the humble tea maker he's pretending to be.

It hurts. It's like having the past shoved in his face. The happy times, when mother was here, when Azula's games weren't cruel, when father sometimes looked at him without disdain in the eyes. Things he lost _forever_.

Near him Jet is trying to look at everything at the same time, making comments about the different tapestries and sculptures and – _is that gold_ – and he seems both impressed and _disgusted_.

Which wouldn't make much sense if he didn't add that he can't believe _– they live like that when people in the Lower Ring are starving –_

Zuko wonders how things are in the Fire Nation. Wonders if he'll ever get to see it.

They get to the room where they'll meet the King and start preparing everything they need. Zuko doesn't even know _why_ he's here – Uncle is the professional brewer, hell, _Jet_ has started learning too. Zuko can barely serve tea without burning anyone.

And maybe his doubts are obvious, because Uncle smiles and says he is glad to be able to share this day with both his nephew and his apprentice. Said apprentice stills for a moment – looks like he wasn't expecting the sudden love. He'd better get used to it quick, because there's no escaping Uncle.

Time passes. No one comes. Uncle starts drinking his tea – seriously, what's going on, the King should have arrived by now normally. Jet seems to have the same bad feeling about all this because he looks at Zuko with his brows furrowed and a hand on his belt.

Did he _really_ take a weapon when coming to meet the Earth King ?

The door finally opens on Dai Li agents and –

No. No, please _no_ , not –

 _Azula_.

Azula is _here_ , standing in front of him and smiling and – _hello brother, long time no see_. And Jet doesn't know anything but he still looks at the Dai Li like they personally offended him, and maybe they did, and he spits _traitors_ like the words could kill. Azula looks at him like he's a badly behaved pet. Actually, she probably thinks so too.

The Dai Li don't react, however. And Azula comments smugly that she just _loves_ their killer instinct _– just like a firebender's_ , she says, but what she means is _just like me_.

Uncle offers to explain the reason for his nickname, and Zuko grabs Jet's arm so he doesn't get burned – he looks ready to skin the Dai Li alive, is probably going to try, but he can't, not right now, not with Azula here.

The Dragon of the West breathes and they all run. Jet screams at him – _who the fuck_ are _you_ – but right now he's kind of busy, so he doesn't answer. Lighting strikes the dead end and Uncle jumps outside.

Jet is too baffled to follow, and his eyes have the crazed light that means he is almost lost inside his nightmares. Zuko has stopped too, and is standing near the edge.

He is _tired_ of running. Running after father's love, running after the Avatar, and now running from Azula – and yet he'll never be safe. _Lin_ will never be safe. So long as Azula is standing, he will have to run.

He turns around to face her.

But she refuses – is he so pitiful that she doesn't even consider him an opponent – and the Dai Li throw their gloves and he gets caught – Jet does too, why didn't that idiot _run_ – and Zuko shouts at his sister to come back and _fight_ him –

She doesn't.


	29. Jaded heart

A. N. : I am tired. And not really happy with how this chapter turned out but honestly this whole situation is strange so I don't think I could've handled it a lot better. Did you know the chakra of the heart is green ?

* * *

The underground is glowing _green_.

Zuko wonders if it is specific to the region or if there are other places with the same crystals. Only an earthbender would know, he guesses.

He thinks of Lake Laogai and shudders. Hopes no one will play with his mind – Azula will, that's a given, but the _Dai Li –_

A wall opens and he is pushed inside another room. He nearly trips on Jet, who elbows him in return, and barely has the time to notice the other person here before the girl starts screaming outrageously, both at him and at Jet.

She's – the girl with the Avatar. The waterbender.

And apparently she knows Jet – he tries to talk but she doesn't let him, and if she had water Zuko bets she would freeze him to a rock or something.

She shouts about how much she hates Jet, how she won't listen to his lies this time _it's useless to try_ , and what did he do _this time_ to end up here –

Zuko couldn't be more glad to be standing _behind_ Jet.

 _And why did they bring him at the same time as_ Zuko _–_

Shit.

Jet freezes. Turns around. He looks confused, but then he appears to suddenly remember something and grabs Zuko by the collar – _the Dai Li called her Princess_ –

And Zuko knows Jet isn't stupid and probably noticed Azula called him _brother_ , and if he knows she is the Princess, then there's no doubt he guessed –

He looks close to breaking down, both furious and lost, and he screams that he should have _killed_ Zuko the second the learned about the firebending, he should have _known_ he couldn't trust Fire Nation _scum_ –

Then why doesn't he do it ! That way everyone will be happy, Azula will have the throne and father will be rid of his _failure_ of a son, how _nice_ is that !

For a moment, it looks like Jet will actually go through with it – his fingers are around Zuko's throat and his face twists in rage and his grip _tightens_ –

He lets go, punches Zuko in the face, and swears. Walks away. Sits on the ground, knees against his chest and head between his hands. He is shaking. Zuko isn't sure, but he thinks he hears a sob.

The girl – what was her name already – looks at them, obviously confused. She frowns and bites her lips – looks like she's done screaming. Good.

Zuko leans on a wall, arms crossed. So, what now ? Azula threw him there and will probably haul him back to the Fire Nation in chains. That is, if he doesn't _mysteriously_ disappear in a _tragic_ accident before. The girl is most likely Avatar bait. Maybe she can make it if her little group of friends comes to help. Jet is as good as dead, and he looks the part too.

What will happen to Lin ? Will Uncle be able to take care of her ? And what about Smellerbee and Longshot – if Azula has taken control of the Dai Li, Ba Sing Se has already _fallen_ , it just hasn't been announced yet.

He sighs.

The action seems to remind the girl that he's here and she hates his guts and thinks he is a _terrible person_. He doesn't know about that. He does know he's a failure, but that's nothing new.

She goes on and Zuko swears he's going to set something on _fire_.

How _dare_ she imply that he is responsible for the horrors of the war ? Does she think he _likes_ it ? Does she think he doesn't know the pain, the hatred, the hunger, or the smell of _burning flesh ?_ Does she think he spent three years on a ship for _fun_ ? That he chased a little kid because he liked it ? He just wanted to go _home_ ! And yes, maybe it was egotistical, but that doesn't make him a monster.

And he would scream at her – if she didn't start crying and talking about her _mother_.

Oh. Well. Looks like they have something in common – and he may not be happy about it, but he can get the rage and despair and _emptiness_ she feels. At least _she_ has someone to blame.

Jet calls to the girl – _Katara_ – and he looks miserable and is purposefully _not_ looking at Zuko, and he lowers his head in a half-bow and says he's _sorry_ for what he did, sorry for _using_ her and _lying_ to her, he _means_ it – Zuko wonders what the full story is, whether Jet stared through Katara's soul or just used his charisma, and if it has anything to do with his nightmares. It probably _does_ if Jet thinks it's so important he has to bow – just like he did _before_ , when he mirrored father's actions.

He eyes Jet, hesitates. Sits next to him. Jet doesn't seem to acknowledge him, but at least he doesn't try to kill anyone this time.

Katara looks at Zuko. Looks at Jet. Says she can't _believe_ this.

What part – the one where Jet doesn't kill him, the fact that he is not a terrible person, or the part where Jet apologizes ?

She half smiles. Did they _really_ work at a _tea_ _shop_ ?

Zuko nods. Jet shrugs. How does she know about that, by the way ?

She looks to the side awkwardly.

He's not going to like this, is he ?


	30. Crossing roads

A. N. : Attention mesdames et messieurs, attachez votre ceinture, please fasten your belt because this chapter is one I have been waiting to write ever since I decided this would be a Long Fic. It is the 30th chapter, I have oficially begun my 3rd notebook for this fic and we are soon going to get to the 3rd Book. That's some holy triangle if you ask me.

* * *

Rocks are _flying_ suddenly.

The dust settles and there's Uncle – with the _Avatar_ –

Katara jumps into the Avatar's arms and Uncle grabs both Zuko and Jet for a hug. Jet struggles to get out of it, but Zuko is too shocked to react. Uncle and the Avatar. Great. So now they're not just _assumed_ traitors, Uncle managed to become an _actual_ one too.

And while father might really never want him back, going against the whole _Nation_ is _not_ in Zuko's plans.

Uncle looks at him. Says they need to talk. Gestures for the Avatar and Katara to go ahead. Jet lingers here a bit longer, before joining them.

And damn, Uncle sounds so _proud_ of him that Zuko has a really bad feeling about all this, and he is right – Uncle switches to his _wise old man_ voice and tells him to choose _Good_ –

But before he can really process what was said, the crystals move, grow, and trap Uncle, and Azula comes in. And as usual she knows _exactly_ what's inside his mind – he isn't a traitor, even if father doesn't want him he can't betray his _country_ – and she speaks of redemption and _needing_ him and maybe, just maybe, father would accept him if he helped Azula take Ba Sing Se –

Lies. Lies lies _lies_ Azula always lies father might accept him but he will never _love_ him, Zuko's home is _gone_ and no Avatar, no city will bring it back.

But he still isn't a _traitor_. He can't just join the Avatar or whatever Uncle wants him to do – Uncle is probably thinking of the _Greatest Good_ for _The World_ , but really Zuko doesn't care because what did the world ever do for him ? Everything keeps blowing up in his _face_ all the time, so why should he do anything ?

Right. He doesn't _have_ to join the Avatar – he can just sit back and wait until the fight has ended. _Yeah right_ , and if Azula wins – and she _always_ does – he will be arrested, Uncle will be arrested, Ba Sing Se will fall for good and then –

Smellerbee and Longshot and Jet – spirits that idiot is probably facing Azula right now – and all the refugees and everyone he's come to know, the people in the streets and at the market, and Lin – _Lin_ , what will happen of Lin, what will happen of everyone –

And really, Zuko couldn't care less about the world or doing the right thing, but he can't risk Lin's life because he's afraid, she is all he has, his only chance at not fucking up _everything_ , and he can't lose that.

He's already lost too much.

So he runs, runs to fight for the tiny family he's made for himself.

When he gets there he sees Katara and the Avatar holding their own against Azula, with Jet standing on the sidelines, a dagger in his hand, waiting for an opening. They look at each other and Zuko nods – they are on the same side. Jet nods in return and goes back to watching the fight – or he would if a stone pillar didn't distract him.

Dai Li agents appear from everywhere. At first there's only one. Then two. Then ten. Then Zuko is too busy avoiding rocks to bother counting. He shoots fire punches, ducks under the crystals flying around, suddenly he is up against blue flames and Azula looks like she just had to swallow dozens of rattlewasps when she looks at him – there's a wave and then Azula is gone and there are so many Dai Li and he thinks he sees Jet kick one of them in the face but he can't be sure and Katara is on the ground when did that happen and there's a _light_ –

It's like at the North Pole. The Avatar is glowing and they all stop fighting, even if they don't know what's happening – Zuko knows and he's fucking _terrified_ –

Lightning strikes and the Avatar falls down.


	31. Lost balance

A. N. : I always found Zuko to be a very single-minded person. Always forgetting the biggest picture to focus on what he's doing right now. Which is sometimes good... and sometimes very bad. This chapter marks the end of Book 2, and the start of (hell) some difficulties for me, as I still don't really know where to lead this story. But I'll manage, don't worry. Well then.

* * *

It's all _over_.

The Avatar is falling and Ba Sing Se is falling and Zuko would fall to his knees if it weren't for the water – he's drowning, the Avatar is down but he's _drowning_ like Zhao did, like all the ships and did his crew even survive he doesn't know, he never thought about it.

He is drowning.

There's air again suddenly and Zuko _breathes_ – he coughs up water and looks around. Chaos and confusion, Dai Li agents on the ground looking like washed up algae, Jet, shaken up and clutching his throat, and Katara, Katara holding the Avatar and she's so _vulnerable_ right now and where is _Azula_ –

Zuko starts running even before he sees the blue flame but he is too _far_ and –

Uncle steps in and stops Azula and says he's going to hold them off – _no_ he's alone and he may be the Dragon of the West but he can't fight Azula and the Dai Li he _can't_ – and Zuko wants to stay he won't let him _do_ this, but someone – Jet, it's Jet – grabs his arm and drags him and screams – _think of Lin you moron_ – and there's water again but this time he doesn't drown – but Uncle he _abandoned_ _Uncle_ –

He's shaking. They are finally out in the sun but he is _cold_ – he abandoned Uncle it's all his _fault_ – and he barely notices when they get to the bison – it's his fault he should have _stayed_ with him – and people are screaming around him and there's a strange beast and why can't everyone just _shut up_ –

Jet punches him.

Jet punches him and screams that Zuko – Li or whatever the _fuck_ his name is – is going to _stop_ this shit, now is _not_ the time for breakdowns, and is going to go get Lin and tell Bee and Longshot that Jet is counting on them to give _hell_ to the Fire Nation – they can't take everyone on Appa, does he think he is the _only one_ who has to leave people _behind_ –

He is _fuming_ and looks like he wants to hit something, hard, but he just points away and says to _go_.

Zuko obeys. He hears some more confused shouting behind him, and then a small girl catches up to him and tells him to hold on _tight_. He doesn't understand at first but then the ground starts _moving_ and he doesn't have any choice but to grab the girl's shoulder and _pray_.

The ground is _not_ supposed to do that and Zuko is pretty sure he's going to be sick, but he still manages to give directions.

Lin is _here_ , spirits, she's here and he takes her in his arms and tries to explain the situation to Smellerbee and Longshot – he doesn't think he's making any sense honestly – while tying Lin to his chest. He grabs his swords – you never know.

Longshot looks at him. Nods. Smellerbee grins and punches him in the shoulder – _come back in one piece_ – and, like an afterthought – _don't let Jet do anything too stupid –_

And shit he's going to _miss_ them, he really is, but he doesn't say it, he just – nods awkwardly.

He's back outside with the earthbender and she says to grab her arm and tell her when he sees Appa above them. That's when he realizes she is blind.

He's going to die, isn't he.

She launches them with a stone pillar and Zuko doesn't believe in all that spiritual nonsense, but right he is ready to pray _anything_ so long as he _survives_ this.

They land on the saddle and he _swears_ he's _never_ doing this again. The girl seems to agree, because she is still holding his arm like her life depends on it.

Katara is healing the Avatar, Jet is looking at the sky like it's got all the answers. The Earth King stares at the city behind them.

Ba Sing Se has fallen.


	32. Info gathering

A. N. : This chapter is guest-starring Sokka ! I actually like writing him - his thoughts are all over the place, but at least they're not _depressing_.

* * *

Sokka doesn't _understand_ what's going on.

Which, while not being _that_ uncommon – what with all the flying and magic and spirits going around these days – does not usually reach the point of not having a _single_ clue about what is happening.

Helping prince-ponytail as a collateral to save Katara ? He can deal. Having prince-ponytail and the wheat-jerk – and how did _he_ even get there – escape Ba Sing Se with them while Aang is down because he got struck by _lightning_ ? What the _fuck_ is going on in here ?

Grangran would probably wash his mouth with snow if she heard his thoughts.

Lightning though – Sokka frowns. How is he going to find a way to counter _that_ ? Maybe if he had some sort of metallic pole, like he saw on some houses in Earth Kingdom… Would it even work with something shot by a _person_ ? Would the lightning act like normal lightning from a storm, or would it be like Katara's water and follow its target no matter what ?

Argh, now is not the time for strategic planning !

First, get everyone to safety, so Aang can heal. Katara is taking care of him, so he should be alright – he _will_ be alright, damn it – but even she can't make miracles happen. So, leading Appa somewhere safe is the priority.

Okay, but where _is_ safe ? And what _then_ ? Ugh, if only Dad was here to help him…

Wait. That's it !

If they go to the Water Tribe camp, they'll be safe and they will have help to make plans and deal with the two jerks in the back !

Why are they even _here_ , though ? And how come Jet hasn't tried to kill scarface yet ? And what did prince-jerkface _do_ that needed Toph to go with him ?

Sokka can't wait to get to the campground, because this whole thing is slowly driving him crazy and he needs _answers_.

They finally land and he hurries to the back to help. The King and the bear all but jump out of the saddle, obviously not in need of any help. Jet helps Katara get Aang down before Sokka can say anything – why does she accept, what _happened_ for her to do anything but kick the jerk in the nuts ?

Toph gets on the ground with all the delicacy of an elephant-seal, nothing unusual, but then she makes stairs so that prince-ponytail-who-dumped-the-ponytail can walk down without risking to accidentally hurt the baby.

The _what_ –

Sokka chokes and almost falls down from Appa. A baby. What the fuck is _this guy_ doing with a _baby_ ? Is it _his_ ? Why has Sokka _never_ seen it before ? Why is its skin _dark_? _Who is the mother ?_

Okay actually never mind, he doesn't want to think about the last question.

Men of the Tribe are approaching, Dad at their head, and Sokka comes down – _someone_ has to be calm and explain the situation after all, and Katara is both busy and very distressed, Toph doesn't know half the people here, no offense to the King but _no_ , and the rest are just jerks. Or can't talk, like Momo or that _baby_. Or the bear. Or Appa. Or anything – stop thinking about the baby and _focus_ !

And now Dada is looking at him strangely – slapping yourself in front of people is apparently not a good idea. Oh, whatever.

He talks about the coup, about princess-crazy-blue-fire-who-can-apparently-shoot-lightning-now, and about how both _this guy_ and _that guy_ are assholes – sorry – but for some reason they're here now can someone please _explain_ how that happened ?

Prince-jerkface does. Great. He says he was in Ba Sing Se to hide from Azula – _really_ now – that Jet was a waiter at his uncle's tea shop – this is getting _ridiculous_ – that they got captured and then fought Azula and are therefore _definitely not_ staying in Ba Sing Se.

 _Right_.

For those who are confused – like quite a few guys over there who apparently aren't that close with Bato – Sokka would like to remind everyone that this jerk is the Prince of the Fire Nation and that he chased Aang around the world for months to capture him. So yeah, Sokka doesn't exactly _trust_ him.

The men bristle and some of them are even starting to draw their weapons, but Dad makes a gesture of appeasement. He asks scarface to give them a _reason_ to shelter him.

And he _bows_ , prince-jerkface gets on his knees and bows like a man asking for the Chief's forgiveness, and he says he doesn't have _proof_ of what he's saying, but he swears on his _honor_ as a man that he won't bring harm to the Tribe. Says that his acts ore not only for his own sake, but also for the safety of the baby – _Lin_ , a war child he found in the desert and has been taking care of ever since, and who would be in danger if Azula learned of her. Says that once the Avatar recovers – he hesitates – he is even ready to teach him firebending.

And damn, these last words seem to physically hurt him – but if it was honest, this is the best news Sokka has heard in _ages_.

He looks at Dad, who nods and says they will accept Prince Zuko, but that they will keep him on watch – one false step, one action that makes them think he could betray them, and there will be _consequences_.

Jerkface bows again and opens his mouth, probably to thank Dad or whatever, but is interrupted by Jet, who says – _spits_ , and Sokka notices he's shaking – that _he_ will be the one to keep an eye on the _Prince_ – damn, calm down with the venom – and that after all, _that's_ what he came here for.

And if this isn't ominous, Sokka doesn't know what is.


	33. Light in the dark

A. N. : Last week had me with both writer-block and personal issues, and I can't promise this won't happen again... But anyway, I am back, Zuko is back, and Toph is here, so enjoy !

* * *

Zuko is now officially a _traitor_.

Going against Azula was already pretty treacherous, but offering to teach the Avatar ? Giving the Avatar power that he will ultimately use against – father – the Fire Lord ?

He feels sick.

This is all for Lin, so she will be _safe_ , and maybe if he tells himself that enough times he'll be able to forget the guilt – he _never_ wanted that, never wanted to do _anything_ but serve his country, and yet for a split second there he felt an irrational _joy_ at the idea of fighting father, what is _wrong_ with him –

They're walking into the camp – the Water Tribe boy had the sense of not landing in the middle of it – and he can feel everyone staring at him. They won't _attack_ him, the Chief promised that, but Zuko would almost rather they did – at least then he'd be able to do something about it.

But all he can do is keep walking and shoulder the animosity and wrath and _hatred_ – Jet's stare is the worst out of them all, and he never stops looking, never lets his gaze waver, and Zuko feels that is he so much as _sneezes_ , Jet will behead him with his bare _hands_ and _bathe_ in his blood –

Lin wriggles against his chest as if to tell him that right now _he_ is the one who's losing it. Right.

Breathe. In – and out.

They've taken the Avatar to a tent, probably to continue the healing. The Chief, the Water Tribe boy – who appears to be his son – and another warrior seem to be in a heated discussion – the warrior points to the sea, then to Zuko, and the boy answers by shrugging and shaking his head and showing the sky with an exaggerated gesture.

Zuko wonders what they're talking about.

The Earth King is sitting on the side, petting his… _bear_ ? He notices Zuko watching and waves friendlily. Strange man.

Something bumps into Zuko.

It's the blind girl. Her smile takes half of her face and she says she's sorry, she can't see well with all that sand – _it's all fuzzy_ – and she grabs his arm like they're old friends and none of this is making any _sense_ – can't _see_ well ? She's blind, _right_ ?

Her name is Toph, by the way.

The Water Tribe boy shouts from where he is that she shouldn't get all friendly with – Prince- _jerkface_ ? _Really_ ?

But all Toph does is laugh and say to the boy – _Snoozles_ , seriously what is _wrong_ with these people – that she can kick Zuko's butt whenever she wants – and judging by her feats in Ba Sing Se, he is tempted to agree.

Plus – she says that quieter – Zuko doesn't feel like a bad guy.

He looks at her like she just said she saw a pink platypus-bear, before remembering she can't actually see his face and _voicing_ his astonishment.

Her smile turns soft – she met Uncle in the desert and he kept speaking well of Zuko and sounding so _proud_ –

The desert. The desert where he found Lin, where he followed Azula's trail until he realized he couldn't fight with a baby in his arms. Where he hesitated so _long_ before leaving her in the shade with the ostrich-horse – just for a moment, just for a few minutes, she was _safe_ – so long that all he was able to do once he got there was watch Uncle _fall_ , watch him fall because he was too _late_ , get hurt because of _him_ , like in Ba Sing Se, like _always_ –

Toph points out that is pulse is all over the place – she has apparently renamed him _Sparky_ – and she assures him that Uncle will be fine – he's tougher than he looks, Zuko should know.

Zuko nods. She doesn't react and he is an _idiot_ – he slaps his forehead. Thanks her. She elbows him with a big smile.

What was _that_ for ?

Toph laughs and Zuko thinks she'd get along swimmingly with Smellerbee, what with their shared violent ways.

They stand side by side in silence.

She seems to think for a moment, and then asks if she can touch the baby – _Lin_ , Zuko corrects, and she likes that name, Uncle has good taste – and she says that before, her parents never let her get close to her baby cousins, because, _well_ – she waves a hand in front of her face.

Zuko frowns – it's not his place to judge other people's parenting choices, but this sounds like a stupid thing to do. So he lets her.

And she is so hesitant and delicate, so unlike how she was a second ago, and she reaches out, touches Lin's nose, caresses the cheek, smiles when Lin grabs her fingers – laughs, _she's trapped_ – and she looks confused for a short moment, before making a disgusted noise once she realizes Lin decided to chew on her hand.

Zuko laughs.


	34. Tight rope

A. N. : The good news is, I have the next chapter written, and the one after half done. The bad news is this week might be a difficult one. Anyway. I promised you more characters, and I stay true to my word.

* * *

Things are _tense_.

Hakoda does his best not to show exactly how unnerved he is – Bato is probably the only one to have caught on, and Hakoda knows it won't be a problem. But if the rest of the Tribe realizes how _dire_ their situation is before he can think up a plan, he fears peaceful negotiation won't be enough to cool their minds.

He takes a deep breath to avoid sighing.

Ba Sing Se has fallen, and that means all the Fire Nation troops that were waiting to get inside the cit are going to rush here from all around to help secure the conquest. And not only are Hakoda's men not enough to stop them, they just _can't_ risk staying here, not with the children and the Avatar.

Retreat is the only option.

And with it comes another set of problems. Oh, convincing the men won't be too hard. They trust his judgement and know he'd like to fight just as much as they do. No, the real problem is – _where to go ?_

Currently, they are in Chameleon Bay. If they go east, they can leave Earth Kingdom quickly, and from there, go south and _home_ – how _tempting_ , they can see their families again and plan their next move in safety.

But Sokka already has an idea of what their next move should be, and home is not part of it.

No, Sokka's plan is to take advantage of an eclipse to invade the Fire Nation – or, at the very least, take down the Fire Lord. Technically, the ships _could_ take the southern Earth Kingdom Sea route, but time just doesn't allow that.

Following Sokka's idea and using the eclipse to win the war quickly would force them to go west, risking encounters with the Fire Nation navy on its way to Ba Sing Se. And there's a limit to how much fire the ships can take.

Speaking of fire – no matter the route they choose, there's still that one last issue that is the Prince.

Hakoda has seen the wanted posters. There is no doubt that in the eyes of his nation, the Prince is a traitor. But from Sokka's reports, he doesn't seem to be the kind of man to back down from that much.

He doesn't seem to be the kind to carry a baby around and joke with a twelve year old girl either, and that's exactly what he's doing. It could be an act, however…

But that young father attitude and – La, he _kneeled_ in front of an enemy to _beg_ for mercy. This is not the act of a Fire Nation royal trying to make believe. This is the act of a desperate man – a desperate _father_ –

Hakoda pinches the bridge of his nose. He really wishes he could be alone for a while and sigh to his heart content.

So the Prince really cares about the baby. Great. That doesn't change a thing about the men's distrust of him, or the fact that they would probably love to skewer him and send his head to the Fire Lord.

Hell, if anything, it just means instead of betraying them for glory or honor, he'll do it for the child's safety.

Sailing in those conditions and forcing the men to spend days trapped with a man they don't trust would be foolish. Even Bato is reluctant to do it, and La knows he trusts Hakoda with his life.

Then there's that other boy, Jet, who seems… _unstable_ , to say the least. He reminds Hakoda of an injured moose-lion. Unpredictable and _dangerous_. For now he is focused on watching the Prince's every move, but who knows how long this will last.

The Prince seems to be at the center of most of Hakoda's problems, and yet there's no way to just throw him out – so long as he doesn't directly bring harm to someone, that is – as he would make for a very valuable ally against the Fire Nation.

But the fact of the matter is that Hakoda would much rather _not_ have him around and _not_ have to worry about his men's behaviour.

This time, he can't help but sigh.


	35. Smelly sand

A. N. : My mom keeps calling Zuko 'Suko' and I think I'm just going to end up inserting it in this fic somehow just to spite her. Also. Writing Toph is _so_ fun ! And I think actual things are going to happen soon, which is good because exposition chapters are _hard_.

* * *

Sand _sucks_.

Toph can only vaguely make out Sparky's general location, and he's sitting right next to her ! And really it's mostly because he's so warm he's basically _radiating_. Honestly she thought he was sick at first. The only thing warmer is the fire camp in front of them – ah, maybe it's a firebender thing then.

Which would mean the little Turtle-Duckling is actually a Fire Turtle. She'll have to ask Sparky. Just not here and not now. These guys are already nervous enough with one firebender in the group.

Geez, for warriors, they really are a bunch of goose-chickens !

Snoozles is being his usual paranoid self, but he doesn't act too mean. His dad doesn't say anything at all, though Toph can hear him sigh every time he's around Sparky. Even if he tries very hard not to.

Then there's Stalker. Snoozles called him a wheat-jerk, but Toph can't smell any wheat ? Tea and dust and forest and a bit of salt, yes, but _wheat_ ? Seeing people are strange.

Anyway, this guy is an odd one, and that's coming from someone travelling with Twinkle Toes. In Ba Sing Se he was angry and determined, but when they arrived here, well – he still sounded angry, but also somehow sad and scared, and even if Toph can feel him watching all the time, he never comes close to Sparky.

Then again it's pretty hard to judge distances with the sand moving everywhere like water. And Toph doesn't _do_ water.

Still, Stalker seemed to know Sparky in Ba Sing Se and now he avoids him and Toph is going to bust some skulls if this goes on – she'll try talking before, but honestly diplomacy isn't her thing, _so_ –

But what's _really_ wrong with all this is that Stalker isn't even the worst one.

Sure, he's always _there_ somehow, but at least he doesn't _talk_. The other guys just won't shut up, always mumbling and whispering when they think no one can hear them, and they're just so _mean_. Toph has heard some pretty nasty things back home, but _this_ – they don't even know Sparky ! And from the way she feels him tense at times, she knows he hears them too.

If it was her, she'd throw a rock in their faces, but he can't even _do_ that –

Maybe she will actually. That will teach them.

Sparky puts a bowl of fish in her hands. Smells edible. Snoozles says he's going to bring her share to Katara – last time they checked, Sugar Queen had fallen asleep after all that healing.

Twinkle Toes died.

He wasn't _breathing_ in Ba Sing Se – Toph had tried to convince herself that she wasn't hearing right, but there was really only the sound of Sugar Queen crying and the _horrible_ smell of something burned.

Twinkle Toes died and then he was alive again.

And she is _strong_ , so she won't tell anyone how _terrified_ she was and how she really wanted to _puke_. He is back, so none of that matters anymore.

She'll just pretend she won't dream of sobs and burning flesh.


	36. Cold night

A. N. : Compliments if you can guess what's happening before the next chapter comes out. I only vaguely know what's going to happen in this fic (long term), and I know even _less_ what needs to happen in order for me to be happy with it. And for now I didn't even stray _too_ far from canon. This is going to be fun.

* * *

Zuko can't _sleep_.

His sleeping habits have never been that great, but he usually manages to get at least _some_ sort of rest. Tonight he fears this will be impossible.

He has his blanket near the remains of the fire, Lin close against his skin – she had no trouble falling asleep, thank the spirits. Toph and Jet aren't too far, along with two Water Tribe men.

He feels watched. He _is_ watched, in fact.

The men aren't even pretending to sleep. The only reason they are here is to prevent him from setting the camp on fire, or whatever they think he's going to do. The actual watchmen are a bit farther away.

Toph stirs in her sleep – she has managed to half bury herself in the sand and doesn't seem bothered in the least. Jet doesn't move at all, barely even _breathes_ , and Zuko suspects he isn't sleeping either.

They should probably talk, but Zuko doesn't know what he should say and he doesn't want to risk provoking Jet accidentally – he can still feel fingers around his throat and that is _not_ a pleasant feeling.

At least Lin is more or less safe.

Maybe it's because he's so tense, or maybe it's just because he has good ears, but Zuko is the first to notice the noise.

Very light footsteps, hushed whispers missing with the sound of the waves, and something _heavier_ – Zuko jumps to his feet. The men draw their weapon, eyeing him warily, and he almost wants to laugh at the irony. There's something unidentified sneaking in the camp and they see _him_ as the real danger.

Jet gets up in turn, and he gestures to shut up and listen. Apparently he heard it too. Toph is still in the sand but her eyes are wide open – not that it changes anything for her.

One of the watchmen comes up, spear in hand, walking fast, his gaze fixed on Zuko – he doesn't even look _suspicious_ , just determined to skewer him, like he's the one responsible for what's wrong in the camp. Except he's _not_ and one of the ships starts creaking loudly as it wobbles away.

As it _what_ –

They all stare in disbelief for a second before the men sound the alarm and start rushing forward. Jet seems to hesitate, looks at Zuko, at Toph, at the tents and the men groggily walking out of them, at the way they squint while lighting their torches, looks at the ship again, and shrugs.

The agitation woke Lin up, and she starts crying. Zuko scoops her up quickly, shushing her as the embers glow red and Jet takes a step back – he runs toward the ship, and Zuko shouldn't feel guilty about this, he _shouldn't_ but he does, and all he can do is try to soothe Lin, whispering soft nonsense and watching the others hurry.

He feels useless.

Even then, it's not as if he could just follow everyone and take out the enemy with some fireballs.

He can't fight with Lin. He can't trust anyone with her either. He can't firebend, not with Jet around, and certainly not anywhere near a bunch of warriors so jumpy they'll probably think he's attacking _them_.

He sits down, Lin still sobbing in his arms.

Toph has gone off to fight, just like Jet has – though with a dagger as his sole weapon, he was probably just running away from the _firebenders_ , and not really thinking of fighting.

Zuko is alone.


	37. Head fire

A. N. : Writing in the train is hard, especially when you can't check what you wrote in the older chapters so that the characterization doesn't suck too much. _Especially_ with such a complex character as Jet (yes, he is back from his little trip in Jet Land).

* * *

Jet ran _away_.

He ran away and that's not something he _does_ – strategic retreat, yes, letting Smellerbee take him away from a baby firebender, okay, it's not running it's prioritizing.

Except that's not what he did just now.

He saw Lin crying and rekindling the fire and he ran away because it was too _much_ –she's a firebender, _Li_ is a firebender Li is a _prince_ and not even Li at all and they fought back to back anyway and it's _wrong_ , everything is wrong and twisted, and now he realizes it has been ever since Lin threw these sparks at the station –

Fire is death and destruction and all his nightmares, it's shouldn't also be a child laughing and a doting almost-father and someone he trusted with his life and who didn't stab him in the back, it shouldn't be a boy who cries in his sleep and who understands how it feels to have his world burned to ashes.

Everything is wrong and twisted and Jet can't kill the prince, can't kill the son of the man making the world bleed, can't kill the one person who _gets_ it, and he _hates_ it, hates being so _weak_ , hates not being able to scream at not-Li for being a _monster_ – they've really always been the same haven't they – hates being scared to get too close and _burn_ , hates wanting to erase this damned day and pretend nothing changed.

Jet doesn't _pretend_ , he lies and lies again and is in _control_ , and when he isn't he kills or screams or hurts, he doesn't just – stand around doing nothing but stare at the problem, not knowing what to do, wanting to get closer – but what for – but scared to do so – fire it's _fire_ it _hurts_ – he doesn't run away when the world throws in his face a reminder of how much he _hates_ and how he can't do _anything_ about it.

But he _did_ run, and now he's standing with his feet in the water, looking at the dark shape of a ship slowly sailing away. Some guys are hurrying to the other ships and swearing loudly – he didn't even know these words existed.

The girl who made friends with Li – Zuko, Suko _whatever_ , it doesn't _matter_ – grabs his arm and asks if he can turn her so she'll face the front of the stolen ship – did she really call him _stalker_ ?

He does and – whoa, _what_ – she makes a huge dune, almost like a dock, except it's not and it stopped the boat.

She makes a comment on how wet sand is easier, whatever that means, and starts walking toward the ship, dragging Jet along. She is Toph and he is an idiot – _if he has a problem he should just face it head on instead of running away like a stupid airbender._

She'll even let Jet punch _sparky_ if it helps. And she'll cheer from the sidelines if he decides to answer in kind.

Uh. Jet guesses he's supposed to feel thankful for the advice – if you can call it that – but really he just feels _terrible_. If a blind kid saw right through him _that_ easily, he might as well set his head on fire so _everyone_ can enjoy the show of him breaking down.

The people who stole the ship jump down on the dune. There's two of them, one _huge_ and the other very tiny, and it's dark but he could recognize them anywhere, and he only realizes he started running when he bumps into Toph – she shouts but he doesn't _care_ because his kids are _here_ and he can take care of them instead of going mad on his own and spirits he _missed_ them –

He hugs The Duke and laughs, and The Duke laughs too and Pipsqueak looks so surprised it's _hilarious_. Jet is laughing like a madman but he doesn't care.

He is home.


	38. Lonely wolves

A. N. : Did you know ? The word _migraine_ comes from Greek _hemicrania_ , meaning half the skull. And they hurt like a bitch, forgive my French. Also, kindergarten is German for garden of children, so what if you have no garden and only snow ? A nursery is what. And while you may want to explain the word prince as chief's son, it doesn't actually mean the same thing, just like warrior and soldier. I love me some word meanings.

* * *

This camp is slowly turning into a _nursery_.

Bato looks at the child perched on the giant man's shoulders – he'll need to ask for their names – trying to look at every single thing despite his oversized helmet, and he can't help but smile.

It's good to have something happen that doesn't involve fireballs or injured people – though it's even better when these things _don't_ happen in the middle of the night and don't require to un-beach a ship to get her back with the others, but hey, you can't have everything.

At least she wasn't damaged.

The boy, Jet, seems to have completely changed his mindset with the arrival of the two. Whether it is _actually_ the case or not is hard to say, but he has gone from dark and dangerous like high sea, to a bright eyed, smiling young man, and looks at the little boy the way Hakoda used to look at Sokka long ago.

What's with kids acting like young fathers these days ?

 _Kids_ , uh… That Jet boy is one thing, but can a _Prince_ – which is apparently the Fire Nation equivalent of a Chief's son – who wears the war on his face _really_ be considered a child ? With a scar like this one, he must've gone through his fair share of battles already, maybe even killed Water Tribe warriors – or _worse_ , the Fire Nation doesn't stop at _honorable_ fighting – before changing his mind and selling himself to his enemies in order to keep his life…

Bato knows accepting him in the camp was the right, logical decision given the circumstances, but he can't help feeling _angry_ – guess that's why he isn't Chief. Hakoda is much better at putting his feelings aside and making the right decision for the Tribe's sake.

He is the first to come back from the shore – his arm still hurts sometimes and he can't haul the ship along with the others. So he walks back into the camp, hoping to fall asleep quickly.

There's a lonely shape near the ashes, and it takes Bato a few seconds to realize it's the Prince, wearily mumbling to the baby, trying to lull it to sleep – he looks up, sees Bato, and tenses.

And maybe it's because he never really looked, but for the first time Bato notices the scar on the Prince's face is actually a _burn_. And a really bad one at that – worse than his own arm, and the nuns said he was lucky to still be able to move.

Can he even _see_ with that eye ?

The Prince seems incredibly tired and holds the baby protectively, as if fearing someone will attack him and hurt the kid – which makes Bato grit his teeth, no one here would _do_ that. But with his weary and fearful expression, he reminds Bato of a child waking up from a nightmare and not being quite sure of what is real and what isn't.

Warriors _don't_ look like children. No matter how scared or tired, no matter the time of day or night, warriors always look like sea-wolves, fierce and determined, until the fighting ends and they can finally go home, until they can safely take off the war paint and start living again.

Warriors don't look like children, but Bato has seen children who look like warriors, children who fight to protect or to avenge, who are ready to give their lives, children who have seen death and who still face it daily. But children are still children, no matter what, and that shows when they think no one is watching or when they are tired.

The Prince's scar looks old, is worse than Bato's own, and probably took years to heal. If he got it in battle, he must've been a child, playing war like Sokka used to, only the war was _real_ and so was the _fire_.

How does a firebender get burned that badly ?

Bato sits next to the Prince without realizing it, or even knowing why. The Prince doesn't move, almost stops breathing, clings to the baby so hard Bato starts wondering who is protecting the other. Bato doesn't know what to do, doesn't even know what he's _doing_ , so he speaks about that very _odd_ night, about how kids tried to make off with a ship, probably to escape the Fire Nation troops, and how they were lucky they got caught, because they obviously wouldn't have fared well out on the sea – the Prince nods in agreement and adds, like an afterthought, that he spent three years at sea.

And while this doesn't make Bato feel any better at the thought of being trapped on a ship with a firebender, it at least means the Prince won't put anyone in danger by mistake. He only will on _purpose_.

Why did he change sides ? It would be different if he'd been made prisoner or had been threatened. Instead, he _chose_ not to just stay out of battle, but to specifically go _against_ those he used to fight for. And Bato might not like them, but if there's one thing Fire Nation warriors know and respect, it's _loyalty_.

And really, up until now, Bato never really thought about the motivations behind the Prince's actions. He betrayed his nation – his _Tribe_ – and even went so far as fighting his own _sister_. All the more reason not to trust him.

But now, sitting next to him and seeing him up close, Bato realizes the Prince isn't a warrior who betrayed his Tribe and family. No, he is only a _child_ , scared and lost and trying to look tough and protect that baby, a child who makes believe and acts like a warrior, because for whatever reason, he went to war too early and ended up on his own.

Bato can't treat a child like he would another warrior. Not that it means he will trust the Prince in any way – children can be much more vicious than any warriors – just… there's a possibility that, if the Prince proves himself worthy, Bato could think about changing his mind about sharing a ship.

The baby is sleeping. The others are coming back. Bato gets up. Goes inside his tent.

He'll probably sleep well.


	39. Rising water

A. N. : Back to Zuko with a calmer chapter. I don't have anything else to say.

* * *

It is _dawn_.

Zuko wakes up as the sky turns white, fire running in his veins and Lin stirring at his side.

After the incident last night, Jet took his blanket away from the fire to sleep with the newcomers – from his stories, the child is probably The Duke, and the other would be Pipsqueak maybe ? Talking with that Water Tribe warrior sort of _appeased_ Zuko – there's someone here who doesn't want him _too_ dead – and he was able to get a bit of sleep.

But not enough to bear with Lin crying first thing in the morning, so he holds her as soon as she looks like she's sobbing and lets her chew on his hand as much as she wants.

Dawn makes him restless – makes _them_ restless, Lin is wriggling with all her strength – and he gets up, wanting to walk around for a while, feel the warmth of the sun on his skin and maybe put his feet in the sea. One of the men who decided to keep him under watch – the other fell asleep – stares and frowns, but he sees Lin is in Zuko's arms and follows them without drawing his sword – still wary though.

Zuko makes his way as quietly as possible, trying not to walk on anyone – which proves to be very difficult, between Toph's buried limbs and Pipsqueak's gigantic body – and finally getting to the shore.

There is the usual morning mist blurring the edge between the sea and the sky, but the sun still manages to get through and slowly warm the sand.

Even on that spirits damned ship, the sight managed to calm Zuko, at least for a minute or two. Now, more lost than ever, pushed back against a wall by choices he never wanted to make, looking at the way dawn shines on the sea, listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the mist on his face makes his feel somewhat better. At least some things stay the same.

He sits down, takes his shoes off and lets the waves lick his toes – ouh, _cold_ –

Lin keeps moving, as if wanting to touch the water too, so he holds her over it, with his hands under her arms, and she lets out a small yelp when a wave touches her feet, but then she giggles, and Zuko smiles too.

A voice behind him says that he really _does_ rise with the sun, and Zuko didn't hear anyone coming – just how lost in his thoughts _was_ he – so he almost drops Lin in surprise.

Katara sits next to him.

She seems nervous, plays with the water, looks at Zuko, frowns, looks away. She isn't going to forgive him for everything he did, but she – _she would like to_ thank _him for what he did in Ba Sing Se._

Not that it changed anything, though. Azula won, Ba Sing Se fell and the Avatar was struck down – how is he, by the way ?

 _Alive_.

Well, that's a start. It's more than most of the people who faced Azula can say. Actually, there are probably only three or four exceptions, and most of them are in this camp. _Anyway_.

The silence is stretching out uncomfortably. What Zuko wouldn't give to know what to say in these kind of situations – in _any_ situation, really.

His arms are growing tired, and he holds Lin closer – she jumps on the occasion to put her hands all over his face, and Zuko could swear she is at Jet levels of smug satisfaction.

Katara looks at them strangely. She asks if the baby is his. Oh. _Right_ – she wasn't paying attention when he explained the whole thing, too busy taking care of the Avatar. She probably hadn't even _noticed_ Lin before now.

So he explains. No, Lin is not his – even if he cares for her so much he threw everything away, even if he is ready to _kill_ for her, she isn't his, she _can't_ be his, he wouldn't bear it. He found her by chance – and how different things would've been if he hadn't, he wonders.

Katara nods. Maybe he isn't as _terrible_ as she thought.

Maybe, yeah.


	40. Stream of words

A. N. : Today's chapter is brought to you by Writer's Block Sokka. Writer's Block Sokka, it's the _quenchiest_ ! Now that this is out of the way... Next chapter (planned in advance for once) will be dark. I mean, more than the rest of this fic (I recently re-read it and booy, I didn't remember it being _that_ angsty).

* * *

Sokka doesn't _like_ this.

It's one thing to have Toph joking around with prince-jerkface – she doesn't have the same _history_ with that guy as the rest of the group. But _Katara_ – his little _sister_ , having her breakfast along with the other two and a half and _smiling_ , acting like she isn't sitting next to the guy who chased them to the end of the world –

No. No, Sokka can't – _can't_ – be okay with this.

And yet when Katara notices him, when Toph calls him – _stop brooding and come eat Snoozles_ – he goes, grabs some grilled fish and sits nest to his sister – he isn't about to sit anywhere near scarface.

He noticed it last evening too, but the jerkpince really does his best with the baby, taking really small bits of fish in his hands to feed it – heh, so even a _Prince_ can dirty his hands with food.

Well, it only means the dude isn't a complete total asshole, but Sokka already knew that, what with the offer to teach firebending to Aang once he gets better. And the fact he hasn't killed anyone yet.

Katara seems to have noticed the feeding too, because she asks if the fish isn't too hot for the kid – and apparently it isn't, even if it _does_ look pretty steamy.

Toph laughs _– no way warmth is gonna disturb the Fire Turtle_ – and prince-jerkface looks surprised, but then he nods.

Wait. _Fire_ turtle ? Not sensitive to hot temperatures ? Is she implying what Sokka thinks she is implying ?

Asshole-prince notices him staring and sighs – _what_ – and wow, if there was a way to look more annoyed, Sokka is sure scarface would find it, but there isn't so he is stuck looking like he just got spit out by Appa.

Well, the best way to find out is to ask, right ? Or maybe make the baby angry or something – experience with baby Katara taught Sokka this is the fastest way to get some bending out of a child – but he isn't ready to get his hair set on fire, either by a baby or by an over-protective jerkbender.

Said jerkbender holds the child closer and breathes a very defensive _yes_ – what, does he think someone is going to _attack_ him or something ? It's not like _Jet_ knew –

Yeah, let's keep it low.

But who would've thought this giggling mess of a child with fish all over its mouth and prince-jerkface are actually _family_ –

And suddenly it's like Sokka is back in that stupid desert and he can't even sweat because it's all evaporating and Zuko is standing and shouting that he knows what they think of him, but he isn't a _monster_ – and just like that he's gone, but Sokka still feels like he's on fire.

What the _fuck_ –

Everyone has stopped eating and is staring – Dad looks dumbfounded, Bato is frowning, Jet's eyes are following jerkface, but then he freezes, shakes his head, and bites his fish like it did him wrong.

Sokka looks at Katara, who shrugs. Toph seems lost in her thoughts, probably wondering, like just about everyone here, what set this guy off.

The Earth King takes the place of the jerkprince, sits with Bosco at his feet, and smiles – honestly at this point Sokka isn't sure today is real anymore.

Dude starts talking about books he read on words and their different meaning – where is he _going_ with this and who _asked_ him – but before Sokka can find a way to nicely tell him to fuck off, Toph interrupts.

 _Family_ doesn't mean the same thing for everyone here.

Oh. So _that's_ why the King was – wait, just how long has he been listening to the miserable attempt at communication with prince-jerkface ?

Anyway, the King is talking and doesn't let Sokka ask, and he apparently ate a whole library because he goes on about cultural differences and historical stories and geographical reasons for words to not mean the same everywhere.

And honestly Sokka is kind of – scratch that, he's _completely_ lost. Katara fled by pretexting having to look at Aang's injuries. Toph isn't even pretending to listen anymore.

In short – very, _very_ short – the Water Tribes use _family_ more or less as a synonym for _Tribe_ , like normal people. In Earth Kingdom, because it's so big and there's no way you know everyone living here, they use the word for people who live on the same grounds. And, in the multiple islands of Fire Nation where you can spend your life without ever seeing half your blood relatives – what the fuck really – _family_ means _close_ relative.

Which means that when Sokka said jerkprince shared a _Tribe_ with the baby, that guy thought Sokka meant he was the actual _father_.

Well shit. No wonder he was so angry.

And honestly, if it had been anything else, Sokka wouldn't have bothered. Guy is a jerk, so who cares. But _that_ …

Sokka fidgets. The King says he read somewhere that it's best to apologize as soon as possible when you're wrong. It's kind of sad he had to _read_ it to know, but he is right. Sokka gets up.

The prince is sitting with his feet in the sea, obviously trying very hard to breathe calmly – though he's not all that successful. Sokka stands awkwardly behind him, not really sure what to say – _yo_ , apparently I said something and you heard another, sorry about that ?

Right. Well. _Sorry_ is obvious. And maybe explain what he meant. Yeah.

Sokka crouches down. Zuko glares at him. Sokka's mouth dries.

Planning is so much easier than talking.


	41. Cold blooded truth

A. N. : I had planned one chapter, but it seems like this will be a two part suffering. Also I have a lot of headcanons on the way society works in the different countries, even down to ideals of beauty so honestly if you're ever curious, just go ahead and ask.

* * *

There's a Fire Nation ship anchored _nearby_.

Two Tribesmen spotted it a few hours ago, using their small – kayaks, was it – to go around unnoticed. In the hour after they came back, a plan was hatched.

They will take the ship.

Zuko was included in the team as a way to prove his loyalty, and he knows it's important, _vital_ even, and he knows he has to control himself, to look like he isn't affected, like he _really_ changed allegiance – loyalty knows no hesitation.

He is going to kill his people.

He breathes.

They will _take_ the ship. He concentrates on that word. Take.

Don't think of the implications, of the lives, of the people on the ship – _his_ people – don't think about any of that. Breathe. Act indifferent.

Zuko has always been bad at lying, so this time he just does his best to stay on his own. Not lying to anyone but himself seems to be the best strategy.

The Earth King left earlier during the day with his bear, after smiling to Sokka for an uncomfortably long time and waving at Zuko like they've known each other for years.

Not to be pessimistic, but he's probably going to die in the next days.

The men are starting to prepare themselves for the operation – attack – sharpening their weapons, putting on war paint – Jet was lent a bone sword and seems to be having trouble adjusting. He will have to prove himself tonight too.

Zuko sighs. Grabs his swords – there's no way he's going to use fire tonight, for a multitude of reasons, the obvious one being that they are supposed to be sneaky. The most important that he doesn't want to risk being mistaken for an enemy by the Water Tribe warriors. The untellable that he can't burn anyone, even less his own people.

He wonders what to do with Lin. Maybe Toph or Katara could take care of her tonight.

There's shouting. Katara is in a heated argument with the Chief and Bato – Zuko learned his name today – and honestly he wouldn't care if she didn't suddenly scream – _I can fight too !_

Zuko gets up at the same time as Jet – of _course_ he would too, the real question is why isn't _Sokka_ saying anything – and walks over there. Katara seems relieved he's here, asks for his support – he _knows_ she is perfectly able to take care of Fire Nation soldiers, he's seen it first hand, _why isn't he saying anything_ –

Spirits, is this how he looked three years ago when he begged Uncle to let him inside the war chamber ?

Zuko pinches the bridge of his nose and Katara looks like she is going to hit him – how _dare_ he, he's such a hypocrite and just like Master Pakku, they're all a bunch of sexist _jerks_ – what ?

That's – that's a word he doesn't know. But apparently Jet gets it and says it has nothing to do with her being a _girl_ – and why would it – she just doesn't know what's _really_ going to happen – he stops when the temperature drops to the point _Zuko_ can feel it.

But really, it's not about her – even though she is _young_ and Zuko doesn't think about the first time _he_ killed someone, or about the Freedom Fighters and how they were probably even younger – it's about all the others. It's about how she is the only one here who can freeze someone to death or suffocate them easily. It's about how _messy_ this is going to be.

She doesn't want to see that. To be there. No one does.

And he probably looks as _nauseous_ as he's feeling, because Katara grits her teeth – _fine_ – and walks away.

The Chief nods at Zuko before going back to his preparations. Bato follows. A few seconds pass, and Jet seems to notice just now who he's standing next to, stumbles, mumbles something, and almost runs away.

Zuko isn't even on the ship yet, but he already feels sick.


	42. Steel sea

A. N. : Zuko is currently unavailable, so I had to go with someone else. Which makes that chapter only _undirectly_ painful I guess. Maybe. I... don't usually issue warnings but this time is a bit special because there are a lot of dead people and some talk on this, soooo... Yeah. This is an ugly chapter. Just so you know. (I am very glad text doesn't include _smell_.)

* * *

The attack went _smoothly_.

The warriors on the ship weren't expecting anyone to come at them in the dead of night and most of them couldn't react quickly enough, in spite of their training.

There were a few injured, but no dead among the Water Tribe warriors.

Bato lets out a relieved sigh. The only bodies they will have to send to the sea will be Fire Nation.

Speaking of which – the Prince. His skill with swords is honestly amazing – if scary, are all firebenders trained with weapons ?

There is also no doubt he has killed before.

As for Jet – his dagger did more damage than the sword he was lent, probably a matter of habit, but _what_ damage –

He too has killed before, many times, enough times that he won't hesitate dealing the fatal blow, won't spare a glance on the corpse before jumping to the next enemy. Enough times that the savage joy of fighting turned into a habit.

But he is still a kid.

Bato will vouch for both of them to be included in the making of their plans – experience and knowledge are always welcome – but he will also ask Hakoda to keep them out of the fighting as much as possible.

Sokka needs to get experience and the reflexes that will save his life, these kids already have too much.

But of course the first kill is never easy.

The Prince is standing next to Sokka on the deck, near the edge, looking at the sky while Sokka empties his stomach in the sea.

Taking a life is easy, just a swing of the sword and it's done, and it is even easier when your opponent is wearing a mask that takes away all his humanity.

Taking a life is easy, with the heat of the fight and the knowledge that it's you or them.

But then the realization settles in, once the tension is gone, once the time comes to clean the battlefield and you are covered in blood and gore and it gets worse with every body you send to the sea. With every drop of blood you clean from your sword.

It is Sokka's first, so he doesn't have to clean up with everyone. If he wanted to, they would let him help. But the Prince stopped him when he tried, and it was probably for the best, if Bato is to judge by the fact he hasn't seen Sokka's face since he hung his head above the sea, about an hour ago.

Most of the bodies are gone from the ship, but the smell of death is still here, along with everything the dead left behind.

Death smells like iron and faeces, like burned flesh and puke, and it floats around and taints everything it touches, like the nauseating feeling of evaporated fat clinging to the skin.

It is the smell of nightmares.

Bato is a warrior, he fights to protect his Tribe, kills so others won't have to. His enemies are those who bring harm to the people he loves, and that is why he and the others can leave the battlefield without being crushed by guilt.

Sokka will learn too. It will take some time, but he won't be alone to bear it, will have the Tribe if he has questions or just things to get off of his chest, will have Katara to remind him of why he fights. And, hopefully, he won't have to fight that way for too long.

The discovery of the ship accelerated things, but Bato is sure Hakoda would've chosen to follow Sokka's idea anyway. He wants – they all do – to see the end of the War too much.

But if Bato fights for his Tribe, what does the _Prince_ fight for ? The Prince, who just killed his family – or _people_ , since that's how the Fire Nation says it – who hasn't said a word since the end of the fight, who looks at the sky without seeing it and doesn't react when some of the men ask him to help out.

He seems both blind and deaf, his mind somewhere out of reach, like it got eaten by Spirits, cursing him to become an empty shell of a person.

Someone makes a comment that at _least_ the Prince will be useful on the ship – these Fire Nation ships don't really have a lot in common with the wooden ones used by the Water Tribe. And yes, he will. But not now, anyone looking at him would see it.

But they don't look, don't see, and Bato himself started seeing him only recently, and he can't judge them because the Prince looks so much like the enemy, like a warrior, that unless you are willing to see it, you'll miss the _child_.

Bato doesn't judge, but that doesn't mean he will let anyone drag the Prince to the insides of the ship while they are still reeking of blood – and in a closed space, the scent becomes _suffocating_ and feels like it won't ever wash out of your skin.

Talamak looks at him like he just got insane, but Bato just tells him that now is not the time, how about he goes back to helping the others get the ship in a state they can sail in without getting sick – Talamak shrugs.

This… is probably going to become the talk of the Tribe for the next month or so. Ugh.

Bato sighs. The Prince still has these empty eyes and it makes him _sick_ , that a child can look so _dead_ , and he really wants to do something about it – well, if the whole Tribe is going to think he has taken the Prince's side anyway, he might as well really do it.

Or he would, if he only knew what to do.

He's always been too impulsive and it has gotten him into a whole lot of troubles over years – most of the time dragging Hakoda with him – but even _he_ knows that he isn't the best person to talk with the Prince. Sure, they share the pain of a burn, but Bato doesn't understand half of the Prince's actions, and the fact he has never really cared for Fire Nation people before doesn't help.

Hakoda has. There's the whole know your enemything, of course, but Hakoda _is_ curious. He had the courage to sit with the Earth King for a while after all, listening to a full monologue on whatever the subject was – Bato stopped listening after a few minutes of this.

Sitting still isn't his thing. Sitting still while listening to someone talk ? There's a reason Hakoda's speeches are always short.

 _Hakoda_. Hakoda could talk with the Prince. Try to understand him. To help him become a bit less dead. Hakoda could help the Prince live with this night – let's be honest, there is no doubt the reason he looks even more damaged than usual is tonight's attack.

Right.

Now to actually convince Hakoda.


	43. Half-mast choices

A. N. : Everyone needs a Hakodad. No this isn't a typo.

* * *

Hakoda _waits_ inside his tent.

Bato asked him to talk with the Prince – which he was going to do anyway, if only to get some idea of his abilities and then include them in his plans. But Bato obviously had something else in mind.

He seems to care for the Prince, in a way Hakoda has never seen him care for anyone outside the Tribe.

Looks like the Prince got himself an ally of choice.

And when the curtain opens, Hakoda sees exactly why Bato was worried. The Prince looks _miserable_.

Hakoda has seen that look before – in his mirror.

It was maybe a few weeks after he left home, left his children behind to fight. They got caught – ambushed on their own field, what a bad joke that was – and they would have _died_ , _all_ of them, for _nothing_ , if Hakoda hadn't decided –

He abandoned a ship. He left behind his men to save the lives of more of them. It was the best decision, the _only_ decision possible given the situation, but La did it _hurt_ – and it still does at times like these.

But that is a guilt only a _Chief_ can feel – the burden of the lives you sacrificed in order to save others, the weight of the responsibility you have towards all of them, the guilt gnawing at your mind at every moment of doubt –

How would a Prince know that ?

Or maybe that is something one is supposed to know ?

Hakoda greets the Prince – he is kneeling in total submission, has been since he entered the tent, and it feels _wrong_ – and tells him to raise his head. They are going to talk as equals, from one tribesman to another. Hakoda's status as Chief only comes into play when there are decisions to be taken.

The Prince ticks at _tribesman_. So he doesn't see himself as one of them, then. And yet he fought with them, _for_ them.

If he doesn't believe himself to be a part of their Tribe, where does he think he belongs ? The Fire Nation ? He just killed a considerable number of them.

But there is really no other possibility, is there ? Even if he is wearing Earth Kingdom green.

Before, Hakoda thought the Prince had betrayed his Nation to protect the baby. But it would appear he is ready to renounce neither of them.

There is more to him than just a father, or the child Bato seems to see.

Which brings Hakoda back to the feeling of seeing himself in a mirror.

What _is_ a Prince, exactly ? Hakoda assumed, despite the Earth King's warnings, that equating the term with Chief's son was correct.

But it isn't, obviously. Not when the Prince makes decisions that are so different from Sokka's and so close to Hakoda's own. When his reactions are so much like a Chief and so little like a Chief's son.

The King said – what did he say already – the other countries don't _choose_ their leaders. Or maybe they did, a long time ago – it doesn't matter. A country's leader is the son – or, in the Fire Nation, the child – of the previous leader.

Children are raised to lead. To have the weight of their people on their shoulders.

The Prince was taught to protect not only his relatives and the people he loves, but _all_ of his Tribe – Nation. Including the soldiers he just killed.

Did Bato understand that too ? Is that why he asked Hakoda to have a word with the Prince ?

When Hakoda had to sacrifice the lives of his men, Bato was there to remind him of why he fought. Why he still fights.

Why does the Prince fight ?

Hakoda asks and the Prince takes a moment to think. The first answer _– to protect Lin_ – was predictable. And Hakoda would be satisfied with just that – he understands a father's selfishness, the way the world sometimes seems to shrink until it is only you and your children – but then –

The Prince talks about his days in the Earth Kingdom. About the people he met there. About a girl whose legs were burned so badly she couldn't walk without limping. About a boy who lost his brother and whose eyes filled with so much hatred the second he realized the stranger he trusted was Fire Nation. About people who lost everything and who fought just to _live_. About children who know nothing but hate.

He speaks of the shame he felt, being of the blood who burned and killed all these people. Of the guilt he _bears_ – he did these things while chasing the Avatar and he felt it was his _right_ , his coming home was more important than all those ruined lives.

He says his Nation is great – he was _taught_ it was, but this War is nothing but pain and destruction and his Nation is the one doing it and that's not how it's _supposed_ to be, the Fire Nation is supposed to be _great_ , he _wants_ it to be great –

Nothing will ever be great so long as the War goes on.

He stops. He looks terrified, as if he said too much and Hakoda was going to strike him. The Prince is looking intently at the ground, biting his lips, like a child who was caught messing with his father's fishing net.

Hakoda said he would listen, and he did, and now he sees the Prince is as Fire Nation as can possibly be, but that doesn't mean he is the _enemy_.

On the contrary – he obviously loves his country, and wants others to see it the way he does. And that means putting an end to the War.

Hakoda smiles. The Fire Nation should be proud of its Prince.

And why does he looks so surprised when the way he acts shows how good of a leader he would be ? Why is it that the Prince talks and acts like a Chief, but _reacts_ like a child ?

It is perplexing, but perhaps it has to do with the way he was raised. Maybe Fire Nation children – royal children – are taught how to lead while remaining children, unlike in the Water Tribe where children learn to grow up before anything else. Maybe.

If that is the case, the Prince will need to be treated the same as Sokka – a child growing into a man – while also being taught the ways of a Chief – he seems to know some of them, but he needs to gain confidence and experience.

Hakoda sighs. There aren't many people who can teach a young Chief aside from him, is there ?

Well, time to give it a try.


	44. Seasick Peter Pan

A. N. : As I begin my 4th notebook, I start to wonder if I'll ever reach Book 3. Maybe there is no Book 3. Maybe I just imagined it. I take a look at the calendar. The year is 2006. There is noo Book 3. There never was.

* * *

The Duke doesn't think he _likes_ ships.

They move and stink and make him sick. Not to the point of throwing up – not too much – but sick enough to make him believe these Water guys are crazy.

Dressing up is fun though – he was the one to find all the clothes so they let him keep a helmet. The armor is too big, but he likes to go around wearing it sometimes – just not when Jet is looking at him, which is not too often because he gets sick a lot.

One more reason not to like ships. At least Pipsqueak and Toph are still playing with him.

Toph is awesome. She's like Smellerbee, but less serious. And she makes this really cool metalbending thing – once, she got angry with a guy and she locked him up in a closet and Zuko had to convince her to open the door.

He's a funny guy, that Zuko. Snarky and awkward and easy to anger – and _that's_ fun – and more importantly he's friends with Toph. The Duke thinks Jet would like him, but they never talk together. They never even stand in the same room if they don't have to.

Jet always messes up Zuko's name and calls him _Li_. And then he gets angry. And then he puts his head in his hands and makes a noise like a chicken-cow. It's really strange.

The adults are being strange with Zuko too. They call him The Prince and act like he's going to hurt someone. They look _scared_.

Zuko is a firebender, that The Duke knows. It was surprising at first, because Jet always said firebenders are mean and monsters and Zuko is nice – grumpy but nice – but Lin makes sparks too and she's a baby and Earth, so now The Duke thinks it's not the fire that's mean, it's the people. If _he_ can understand that, the adults should get it too, right ?

Adults are dumb. The Duke never wants to become like that.

The thing is, _Jet_ is neither dumb nor an adult and The Duke very much wants to become like him once he grows up – but he looks scared of Zuko too. And Jet is _never_ scared so it really doesn't make sense.

Maybe Zuko did something bad then ? But _he_ seems scared of _Jet_ – ugh, it's all so _strange_ –

Toph said they should lock them up in a room and wait until they either solve things or die. The Duke mostly agrees – except for the dying part – but then Sokka's dad would probably make them clean up afterwards – Jet get _really_ sick when he's inside the ship – and The Duke _hates_ cleaning.

He also hates it when Jet is acting strange though, so he's not really sure of what he should do.

Pipsqueak said to leave Jet alone with his problems, that he trusts him to solve them on his own, but The Duke knows it's a lie. Pipsqueak doesn't trust Jet anymore, not since they blew up the dam and they watched all the water come down on Gaipan.

Well, it's true that Jet looked scary then – _terrifying_ when they found him frozen to that tree and he kept _screaming_ – but The Duke thinks Pipsqueak is going too far and just being mean. Jet saved them after all.

Sometimes, The Duke likes to imagine Jet is his real dad. It's not quite the same as when mom was here, but it's the next best thing.

It's a secret though. The others would laugh and Pipsqueak wouldn't agree, not anymore, and The Duke love Pipsqueak almost as much as he loves Jet.

It must be nice, not having to _imagine_ you have a dad. Even Longshot and Sneers more or less know where they come from, even if their father is Fire and mean. The Duke doesn't, not at all. Mom never wanted to talk about it.

He hopes his dad was as cool as Jet. Or like Sokka's dad, strong and nice – he even talks with Zuko a lot, even if he's an _adult_. Or like Zuko, caring and soft and always doing his best – even when Lin set Sokka's arm hair on fire during lunch and everyone was panicking.

The Duke giggles. That was fun. Especially when Katara waterbended the fire away and Sokka got completely soaked. His face was hilarious. And the way he said _thanks Katara_ was even better.

Zuko got really angry at the adults after that though. Something about Lin's parents, The Duke didn't really understand. Just that Zuko was angry, the room was horribly hot, and Jet looked like he was feeling bad. Not sick, just – bad. Toph was angry too.

After that, Zuko was a bit cold to everyone except Toph. It was then that she sticked a guy into a closet.

She got angry at Zuko when he told her to free the guy, but in the end she did it.

Adults aren't the only strange ones.

That's another thing The Duke doesn't like with this place. It doesn't make sense, not like the forest. Everything is complicated. Firebenders are nice too, some people don't like their dad even when he's nice, people are mean for no reason, Jet is scared.

The floor moves and the air stinks because of the coal.

No, definitely, The Duke doesn't like ships.


	45. Untied thread

A. N. : Ah, the sweet feeling of writing Jet, I had missed the suffering. (I always think of great ideas for these notes but then I forget them when the times comes to write them...)

* * *

Jet is _angry_.

Worse, he's angry with himself, _which_ – okay it happens kind of often actually, but that doesn't mean he likes the feeling.

As if the sea sickness wasn't bad enough.

Worst of all though, is that he isn't angry for any _good_ reason – he didn't get any of his kids hurt or killed, The Duke is fine, Katara talks to him and hasn't frozen him to anything recently, the Water Tribe guys look at him like an equal, like they should, everything is as fine as can be on a stupid Fire Nation ship that has him throwing up every hour or so.

No, he's angry because of Li – no, not _Li_ shit, why can't he get through that thick skull of his that the asshole prince isn't _Li_ –

Okay maybe he's actually not really an asshole, but still.

Pretending everything is fine was good for a while – it was _great_ , spending time with The Duke, catching up on everything he missed since they parted ways – since they _left_ him – but then it wasn't and people talked like not-Li was capable of doing such _horrible_ – have you even _looked_ at the guy, he can't even _talk_ about it –

And no one stood up for him apart from Toph – _he_ didn't stand up for him and he's really like Toph said, like a stupid _airbender_ – he's not _really_ sure what an airbender is like, but if they were all like Aang, all _no I don't want to fight_ then yeah, Jet is a fucking airbender who can't stand up for anything and keeps running away all the time.

And it's stupid, he shouldn't _care_ for not-Li's hurt feelings, but he _does_ , because even if that guy isn't Li, even if Li never even _existed_ , Jet can't deny anymore that there was a link – there _is_ a link – between them. He _needed_ Li and he still does.

That doesn't mean he has to like it though, because he _doesn't_ – there is no _fucking_ way he can be okay with knowing the one person who can understand him is the spirits damned _Fire Prince_ –

It would be worse if it wasn't Li though – _not_ Li, damn it –

Ugh. Maybe now would be the right time to gather all his courage and go talk with not-Li and maybe punch him in the nose a few times and then figure out what to do exactly with this shit situation.

He's not calling not-Li his friend anytime soon though – he can't trust him that way again, not after he was betrayed and hurt by that filthy liar, that firebending _scum_ –

Breathe.

Jet knows he is _unstable_ when he's angry, and that's a problem. Especially on a ship where there is close to no privacy, no place to have a breakdown in peace. Also a problem.

Not-Li is a problem and Jet needs to solve it soon.

Except he can't fucking seem to move his legs and go _talk_ to not-Li about how he's a pain in the ass but since killing each other now wouldn't be a good idea, they might as well try to work something out in a more or less peaceful fashion.

Not that Jet _could_ actually kill him, but that's another matter entirely.

He sighs. He doesn't even know _where_ not-Li is – and why doesn't he know by the way, when has he stopped making sure not-Li is always in his line of sight, where he can't do anything funny without Jet noticing immediately, when has Jet stopped distrusting him entirely ?

Jet loses control on his life a bit too often to his liking these days and that's just another problem.

Talamak, the guy Toph stuck in a closet because he was the only one to have the guts to insult not-Li to his face – and if it wasn't about _that_ , Jet would probably pat him on the back because damn, _that's_ some courage – tells Jet to hide, there's a Fire Nation ship nearby and since he isn't _disguised_ –

Jet grits his teeth. He hates being put aside, hates doing _nothing_ , but wearing a Fire Nation uniform is beyond his strength, so there's really nothing he can do apart from _bearing_ it.

Well, at least now he'll know where not-Li is – he always gets called on the deck when something like that happens, to help Hakoda pass for an actual Fire Navy captain.

He hates that too, seeing not-Li in full Fire Nation soldier getup, skull helmet and all, looking like the fucking monster Jet knows – hopes – he isn't.

Jet stays in the staircase while Hakoda, Bato and not-Li greet the Fire Nation soldiers – and fuck, he wants to kill these son of bitches, wants to make them pay for his parents, for his kids, for _everything_ and this is why he never watches usually, never looks at the _scum_ that is somehow allowed to live when it would be so _easy_ to just –

Breathe. The scum is leaving and he has something to do.

Not-Li comes down and Jet _really_ wants to tear that fucking disgusting mask off his face and _crush_ it – but not-Li takes it off on his own and looks at him like he's surprised Jet is here. He probably is – Jet has been avoiding him just as much as he's been avoiding looking at the scum that sometimes gets on the ship.

And Jet is going to do this, he _will_ talk to not-Li and maybe kick his ass too and –

And not-Li is looking at him, eyes sad and scared, and Jet probably looks like that right now too, just angry too, and it _hurts_ , seeing himself in the _Fire Prince_ , but this is Li, so why is he even surprised ?

And who cares that Li doesn't actually exist, really.


	46. Tinted glass

A. N. : Hey look, Zuko is back ! Things are slowly taking the shape I want them to take before getting to Book 3, so I think it shouldn't be too long before we get to it. Probably.

* * *

Jet wants to _talk_.

Probably. He hasn't said anything yet, and Zuko is starting to wonder if he didn't somehow misunderstand Jet's intentions.

But really, why else would Jet approach Zuko when he's wearing the uniform he _knows_ Jet hates to see.

Zuko has thought about it before, talking to Jet, setting things straight and starting anew – like it's _possible_ to just put things behind, yeah right –

But he was busy with a lot of things – Lin, the ship, listening to Hakoda's advice, keeping himself _busy_ to avoid thinking about the people he _murdered_ when he was supposed to _protect_ them – and so he never got to doing it.

The fact that he was scared of how things could turn out _might_ also have played a role.

And yet there he is and there they are, awkwardly standing in a staircase, probably stopping everyone from going up and down the stairs – aren't Hakoda and Bato still on the deck, what if they want to come down –

The silence is _suffocating_.

Zuko wishes he had some kind of gift for conversations – or even just an average ability, really. He… guesses he should probably apologize for lying and – well, lying was the only thing he did wrong ? Apart from being Fire Nation and a firebender and a Prince, but he can't apologize for that.

He is already doing what he can to help repair his people's wrongdoings – by _killing_ them, Hakoda is wrong, Zuko is a _terrible_ Prince, a terrible _person_ – and until the Avatar wakes up there isn't a lot more he'll be able to do.

There isn't a lot more he'll be _allowed_ to do, not when the whole ship thinks he is even more of a monster than he really is.

He expected these accusations from the Water Tribe warriors – they have never hidden what they think of him and of his blood – hell, _Katara_ isn't that much of a surprise because of how little they talked before and how much she hates his kind, but _Sokka_ – Sokka who talked to him, Sokka who _apologized_ for saying the same kind of things, and Zuko thought he _understood_ –

But apparently he was just sorry for saying that on _accident_ , because otherwise he wouldn't have let them say that – Toph stood up and there wasn't any consequence, so it can't have been _fear_ –

Does defending someone's honor when you know it is intact – or as intact as Zuko's can be – does it mean _nothing_ to these people ?

That's not what he should be concentrating on right now – stay calm, don't show anger, don't scare Jet – but he can't help it these days, the blow is just so _hard_ –

Suddenly, Jet is apologizing. Not for punching Zuko in Ba Sing Se – _he honestly deserved it_ – or distrusting him or giving him hell or any of that, he just –

He should have _intervened_ , should have told the others that they were – _are_ – wrong, because even if he despises everything Zuko stands for – and if they hated him for being the Fire Prince he would _happily_ join them – he can't bear the idea of people hating him for the wrong reasons. If that even makes _sense_.

That's… nice ? Maybe ? In Jet's own twisted way ? At least he still remembers the kind of person Zuko _is_ , no matter what he learned about the person Zuko is _supposed_ to be – what kind of Prince kills his _people_ , really, even _Azula_ wouldn't step so low, no matter how twisted she has become –

Zuko's blood is that of a Fire Prince, but honestly ? He _can't_ be, he isn't the _right_ person for that, even when he tries his best he keeps making _mistakes_ – and maybe that's why Jet dares approach him again. Dares try to fix whatever there is between them. Because he sees Zuko as he really is, with all his flaws and failures, and even if Zuko hates all of them, for Jet they are probably a _good_ thing. A way to make Zuko into less of a Fire Nation citizen and more into Li.

Zuko can't say he likes this – no matter what, no matter the failures and mistakes and hardships, he is who he is and no one can strip him of his identity – but he knows Jet needs it – _Zuko_ needs it, needs Jet to be on his _side_ –

Jet knows him in ways few people do, knows the pain and fear even Uncle doesn't understand – Uncle never _feared_ fire – but his being Jet means he will either deny Zuko's fire or _snap_ – and they both know where _that_ leads, to crazed eyes and a twisted smile and a hand on Zuko's _face_ –

But Zuko will bear with this, precisely because Jet _knows_ him – _believes_ him despite his hatred of Zuko's blood, and Zuko needs this trust, if he can even call it that, because he has no one else apart from Toph and he can't afford having so few allies in the current situation.

And it's not like he hates Jet's company anyway.


	47. Low tide

A. N. : A short breath before diving into Serious Things. Not that this chapter isn't serious.

* * *

Katara looks at the _sea_.

Behind her, she hears Sokka and Zuko talking with dad and Bato about whatever idea they just had to better Sokka's invasion plan. Jet drops a word from time to time too.

She grits her teeth. It makes her _sick_ , to see dad treat Zuko – _Prince_ Zuko of the _Fire_ Nation – the same as he treats Sokka. Like he isn't quite an adult yet – he _is_ , he has the same blood as the rest of his family, him doing the right thing _now_ doesn't erase what he did _before_ –

Or maybe it's not that dad treats _Zuko_ differently, but simply that he doesn't treat _Sokka_ like his son anymore. Bato acts the same with both of them too, and he's not _dad_.

She doesn't want to turn around, doesn't want to see Zuko sitting next to dad, smiling every time dad asks for his opinion, like he's dad's _son_ –

He _isn't_ , but it's not him that Katara is angry at, not really – why does dad _do_ this, act like Zuko is _family_ , is _Sokka_ –

Why doesn't Sokka say anything at this ?

Dad left and now they found him again but it's like – like they aren't his children anymore, aren't _special_ anymore.

All these years, she just wanted him back, but now –

Is he really dad anymore ? Or is he just Chief Hakoda of the Water Tribe ?

It hurts, to think that maybe she lost dad to the War too – he said he would _protect_ them, said he would be _here_ for them after Mom's death, but then he left and now it's not the _same_ , it's not –

It's not dad.

It _can't_ be dad, because dad wouldn't have left them on their own, dad wouldn't be acting like he's preparing Zuko to succeed him as Chief, dad would see Katara and know what's _wrong_ , like Mom always did, because they're _family_ , they're _blood_ –

Even Zuko knows what to do when Lin isn't well, and he said they aren't blood, he said he _found_ her.

Katara wonders for a second if he is trying to start a new Tribe, like Jet did with the Freedom Fighters, a Tribe to replace blood, to erase the evil of the Fire Nation and make the world a better place. A _Fire_ Tribe.

But it's stupid – if he wanted that, he wouldn't start with taking care of a _baby_ , she knows that even if politics aren't really her forte. He would start with finding adult Fire Nation renegades, like Jeong Jeong and his men, and women too because a Tribe doesn't work without the women to make decisions, and then build his Tribe from there.

So his taking care of Lin is really just helping an orphaned fellow Tribesman – she makes sparks after all. It's like Katara does for Aang – he isn't Water, but she _found_ him and he has no one else and he learned waterbending before anything but airbending, so he is family.

Toph isn't, but she is a _friend_ and very important too. Zuko… Katara wants to give him a chance, he _deserved_ it, but he isn't Tribe and isn't a friend yet either and his blood is the _worst_.

Sokka laughs behind her, along with the others – except Zuko for some reason – and she wants to _scream_.

Sokka doesn't trust easily, so for him to lower his guard, _something_ must have happened with Zuko, and she believes in his instincts. Jet apparently has some sort of _history_ with Zuko and so he has reason to act this way, even if Katara wouldn't say they are _friends_ – though there is no way she trusts _him_.

But _dad_ laughs too, the same laugh Katara remembers from long ago, and it _hurts_ – has he forgotten Mom, has he forgotten _them_ –

Has the War taken everything from her ?


	48. Red mirage

A. N. : Short chapter but. We did it my friends. We climbed the whole mountain. Or well, we're at the second base camp, the weather is far from optimal and the guide still doesn't know what path they'll take, but... At least we're ready to go ? I guess ?

* * *

Aang opens his _eyes_.

His chest hurts and he has the vague image of a bright flash in his mind. He feels like that time he rode the Unagi. _Bad_.

His head aches.

Thankfully, the light isn't too strong – not like when he woke up at the South Pole, now _that_ hurt – so it's not _too_ bad. What a nice, warm, red light…

Red ?

He snaps his eyes wide open.

Fire Nation insignias on red banners, metallic walls, and Aang now realizes the room is _really_ moving – oh no. He's on a Fire Nation ship. Probably headed to some sort of Fire Nation prison.

Where are the others, what _happened_ to them –

The Fire Nation is going to regret not restraining him, they should've tied him up even if he was unconscious, because now Aang is _awake_ and determined to find his friends and escape, he doesn't care if it hurts, he will –

A gust of wind takes care of the two guards – they won't catch him, they _won't_ – and he runs, running _hurts_ but he can't let them catch up to him –

Stairs. He sees the sky. Feels the air on his face. He climbs up and he's free, he's _free_ , he – stops.

Katara and Toph are here, and they look surprised and happy – and they're _safe_ , thanks the Spirits they're safe – but it's almost _unimportant_ right now, because –

Zuko is here. _Zuko_ is here, armored and red and _smiling_ – he can smile – and that can't be good, can't –

Something sticky and warm touches Aang's foot. He lowers his eyes – a baby. What is a baby doing here. Jet laughs. _Jet_ is standing next to Zuko and laughing and Aang is starting to wonder if he really did wake up.

Probably not.

Toph and Katara come towards him – _he finally woke up_ – and hearing Toph call him Twinkle Toes makes him so _happy_ , and Katara's smile is so soft and pretty he almost wants to cry – he is _home_ , _this_ is home – and a Fire Nation soldier with Sokka's voice hugs him and –

What.

This is definitely Sokka's voice and inflexions and attitude and – _Sokka_ – but armored and red instead of blue, but Aang can still hear the smile in his voice and it doesn't make sense why would Sokka – maybe it's a disguise, maybe that's why –

And now Jet is coming forward too, with his smirk and arrogance and Zuko is following him and coming closer and _closer_ until he's almost touching Aang and he kneels and takes the baby off the floor, and Aang thinks he's going to cry from how none of this is making any kind of sense and how everyone is acting like this is normal but instead he just –

Closes his eyes.


	49. Golden heir

A. N. : You have no idea how long I have wanted to write Azula. On a wording note, I am referring to something called 'stone oil' in this chapter - it is petrol. That's literally all there is to it. (I mean, I could ramble about how this word comes from greek for stone and oil, or how it used to be called literally this, and not only in greek/latine languages but also in chinese and japanese, but I won't.)

* * *

Azula is coming _home_.

She can't wait to walk into the palace again, to see the look of _pride_ in Father's eyes once she'll tell him – she took Ba Sing Se, took the Avatar's life, captured that traitor Iroh and exposed Zuko for what he _really_ is –

That stupid, _cowardly_ traitor, she can't believe she underestimated Iroh's influence on him, can't believe she _overestimated_ Zuzu's love for his country – well, she always knew he was weak, what happened is only a confirmation.

She'll just have to make him pay the next time she sees him.

Ty Lee smiles and asks what color Azula would like for her nails. She hasn't stopped trying to manicure _everyone's_ nails – Dai Li agents included – ever since she discovered Earth Kingdom nail polish is of a much higher grade than Fire Nation one. Apparently bending is involved in the making – no wonder these Earth barbarians are so _weak_ if they use their bending for such frivolous purposes.

Well, _red_ is obviously the only color worthy of a Fire Nation Princess.

Mai went with black as usual, and is eating grapes with one hand while the other one is taken care of by a surprisingly complacent Dai Li agent. The others are nowhere in sight – Azula suspects they decided to sacrifice one of their members to the nail-painting and hid somewhere.

Clever, but sort of cowardly. It's not as if Ty Lee wanted to train her chi-blocking skills on them after all. It's just some nail polish.

Azula is much more comfortable making fun of these people afraid of some color than with admitting she used to be the same, avoiding all girly Ty Lee things at all costs – be it manicure or a makeover, she used to do all she could to get the idea out of Ty Lee's head.

But then she started understanding just how important a neat appearance is in order to have people take you seriously. Power is a birthright, but to effectively control people, you have to carve your blood in your skin, you have to _show_ people – powerless, _ignorant_ people who can't even understand – who you are.

The sharp nails of a dragon – danger – and the deep red of blood – fire and power – and pink, seductive lips – age and experience, the only lie in her appearance, but she _needs_ it. All to tell who she is without having to say anything.

And with time and Mai joining in with gossips and Ty Lee getting better at all this, it somehow turned into a ritual – stopping only when they separated.

But now they are back together and Azula won't say she missed this, but it is… calming, to have Ty Lee take care of her while Mai makes sarcastic remarks on whatever subject. Almost like they aren't afraid of Azula, almost like they actually care – it's obviously _wrong_ , as love and trust are only illusions, lies good for the weak like Zuko, and she doesn't want them, doesn't need them.

But it is calming. To the point where Azula could almost forget she is on a ship – she doesn't mind _them_ specifically, but travelling just isn't her thing. She would much rather stay in one place, in the palace where she can control what happens and what is said.

Or, at the very least, travel with something that doesn't reek of coal and stone oil – the latter only when the catapult is used, but it smells so _bad_ and the smell _stays_ –

Maybe she does have something against ships actually.

The Dai Li agent has green nails now and Mai is carefully painting white and gold details on the top of the first coat. Just how many colors did Ty Lee buy exactly ?

Looking at her own nails, Azula sees Ty Lee is going with a flame pattern in gold. Perfect. Not only is the drawing fitting – and pretty, Ty Lee has a good eye for that sort of detail – but Azula noticed before that having gold at the tip of her fingers makes lightning bending much easier for some reason.

She will have to investigate that.

Azula smiles. She will have all the time she wants to do that now that the Avatar is dead. All that's left is stopping this ridiculous invasion plan and the War will be won for good. Then research will be feasible.

Ba Sing Se is hers, the Avatar is no more, Iroh is in chains and Zuko is no longer a threat.

Perfect.


	50. Fleeing honor

A. N. : I know I often joke about not knowing where I am going with this fic, but really the problem is more along the lines of needing the characters to develop before they can get to doing certain things. And development takes time. This is honestly the reason Aang was sleeping for so long. Well, now he is awake, so you can get ready to have some _Aangst_...

* * *

Aang is positive _none_ of this is making sense.

He woke up in Katara's arms this time, and she explained the situation the best she could. Zuko was standing away from then but he kept throwing quick glances in their direction, like he actually wanted to say something.

It's probably better he didn't, considering Aang just passed out from seeing him – and the _baby_ , Spirits he'll have to ask about that.

So. In short, he died – he _died_ , no wonder everything hurts – Katara brought him back, Zuko is with them now, Jet is too for some reason, and the world thinks Aang's dead.

The world thinks he's dead.

And it hurts, it _hurts_ to know he let everyone down once more, to know he failed – he _failed_ , he failed everyone, he failed and everyone is acting like it's fine but it's not, why can't they _see_ this –

Sokka says it's a _good_ thing, says that way no one will expect him to show up, but he doesn't realize that's _exactly_ the problem – _no one_ expects him to show up, no one thinks there is _hope_ anymore, and it's _terrible_ , why is he the only person who seems to understand that, why do the others think he's overreacting –

It hurts.

The others don't understand, they tell him to hide when soldiers come, tell him to hide when they get attacked, tell him to hide even when the only thing that saves them is a giant sea-serpent – miracle.

What saves them is a miracle, but the reason they need one in the first place is because they're helping him. And he is _grateful_ – but it's too dangerous, he can't make them do it when it's all his own _fault_ –

If only he could scream to the world that he is alive, there is hope, he may have failed but he will set things straight _believe in him_ – but they won't let him do that, instead they risk their lives to fix his own mistakes.

He can't let them do this.

It's nothing planned, really. He would've eaten with the others if it hadn't been for the fact that they wanted him to hide his arrow – the last thing he has from the monks, the last piece of his identity that's not broken. He is a failed Avatar, a failed person, and now they want to make him a failed Air Master too ?

So he doesn't go.

And then he realizes he doesn't _have_ to stay – it's better if he doesn't – he doesn't have to put the others in danger – he never wanted that – he doesn't have to accept this situation – he will fix it all just you _wait_ –

He takes his glider. Walks to the door, to the deck and it _hurts_ , his back hurts but most of all his _heart_ hurts – his fault his fault the world will burn if he doesn't fix this but most importantly –

Most importantly – he takes off – most importantly – he flies, flies to the Fire Nation –

He will take back his honor.


	51. Breathless change

A. N. : College is eating up my life and time and I am somehow liking it. That means, however, that the wait between chapters will be longer than usual, at least until I figure out how to manage my time.

* * *

The tavern is _full_.

It was Sokka's idea to go there and listen to the gossips and try to get whatever information they can – as well as, you know, eat. Zuko is _not_ thankful for that.

It's not like in Ba Sing Se where, while crowded places were unavoidable, at least no one knew his face. Probably. No, here he saw _two_ posters outside – one Prince Zuko and one Blue Spirit – and even with the hood he feels _terrible_ – it's only a matter of _time_ before someone recognizes him, before his presence brings trouble to everyone, before the others are _arrested_ because of him and what will happen to _Lin_ then –

Calm down. Breathe. In – and out. Being that tense will only attract people's attention.

He wants to leave.

The others are cheerful – _Aang finally woke up_ – though Katara appears a bit down. She is probably disappointed that the Avatar didn't come. That, or the whole Hakoda situation is weighing on her mind.

Zuko doesn't understand why things seem so tense between Katara and her father – so tense that even _he_ noticed it. Hakoda obviously loves both his children, you just have to hear him talk to see it – Zuko doubts his father ever talked about _Azula_ that way – and so it doesn't make sense that Katara would be… Angry ? Sad ? Zuko doesn't even know.

Jet and Sokka are laughing while the others watch in consternation. One of them probably made a terrible pun – humor is the only thing they appear to agree on. Their relationship is a succession of disagreements and bad puns and Zuko finds himself in the middle of those a bit too often to his taste.

If one of them says he has a fiery temperament _one_ more time, he will throw them overboard.

It's still better than when Jet wouldn't talk to him though. Not that this will stop him from complaining.

Jet still calls him Li. He sometimes doesn't even correct himself. It's a strange feeling. Zuko wants to scream at him, shake him until he fucking remembers his name, until Jet _acknowledges_ him – at the same time he _gets_ it, Jet is still scared, still hates the Fire Nation and Zuko can't blame him for that, he should be _thankful_ Jet is even willing to make the effort to talk to him.

The only thing that makes the situation bearable is that it could be worse – it _has_ been worse – and if that doesn't summarize Zuko's life, he doesn't know what would.

Could be worse but still fucking bad. Story of his life.

Lin babbles and waves her arms and smiles, as if to remind Zuko that not _everything_ is terrible. She is the best thing to have happened to him, even if she shook up Zuko's world, turned everything on its head, forced him to consider what he never wanted to, forced him to open his eyes to a reality he tried to forget – he'll never regret that.

Finding Lin changed him, and he wants to think it changed him for the best, wants to think her smile is proof that he can do at least one thing right in his life.

And maybe, just maybe, this change will lead somewhere, further than just making a baby smile.

Though when he thinks about the way no one seems to trust him, despite all his efforts – except for Toph, but Toph is an exception to many things – he doubts he will ever get somewhere.

Maybe teaching the Avatar will make the others realize just how willing to help he is – to the point he killed his _people_ , but that didn't change their mind, or maybe it caused them to see him as even _more_ of a monster, but he didn't _want_ to –

The chances of having the others trust him are just about as high as the chances of seeing Jet make out with a firebender – none.

At least he has Lin.

The dinner is finally – _finally_ – done and Zuko is the first to walk out of the tavern and he _breathes_ – the air is fresh and Zuko can finally calm down a bit and stop worrying about someone recognizing him.

In, and out, and a lemur flies around his head, screaming. What. That's – Momo, right ?

Zuko turns to look at the others, hoping for some sort of explanation – surely there has to be a _reason_ for that – but all he gets are confused looks and a frown from Katara, who runs to the ship.

They follow, and once they get there the men who stayed on the ship are panicked and Hakoda and Katara are embracing and nothing is making sense until someone tells them –

The Avatar is gone.


	52. Resolved storm

A. N. : I now realize it's been a full moon cycle since last chapter, and I don't know whether to be amazed or sorry. Both, probably.

* * *

The weather is _horrible_.

With the wind and Appa flying as fast as he can, the rain almost feels _solid_. It reminds Katara of the North Pole and the blizzard and the cold and the _fear_ –

At that time too, they were looking for Aang.

And Katara is scared, she is _terrified_ because between the storm and Aang's injuries, there's no knowing what state he'll be in when the find him.

But she believes, she has no other choice but to _believe_ in Aang and the Spirits who protect him, and find him before she can be proven wrong.

Katara is so worried for Aang that she almost doesn't think about the fact that they are headed to the _Fire Nation_ , that they will stay there until the invasion. Even for her, it's not easy to accept, so for the others…

Well, Toph seemed pretty enthusiastic about finally walking on some – _good old earth_ , as she put it. Though next to Zuko, this level of excitement was nothing.

 _He_ was _ecstatic_.

He probably wouldn't have looked any happier if Lin had suddenly started talking. Almost as like he hasn't been home for _years_ – but that _can't_ be, after all he just became a fugitive recently –

Wait. Katara remembers the way Zhao treated him – and at the time, she thought it was just some petty rivalry and didn't even _care_ but –

He did call Zuko a _banished_ Prince.

The fact she has to think of _Zhao_ in order to know something so important angers her – Zuko might have joined them, but he keeps to himself all the time, and she really tries to _trust_ him, really _wants_ to, but he doesn't exactly make that easy.

Dad said he was raised to become Chief – _Fire Lord_ – and Katara knows Chiefs sometimes have to stay outside of things, so as to avoid being partial but – Zuko isn't Chief _yet_ , and she would rather hope he is partial to _them_ !

It's annoying. Katara is definitely going to do everything she can to include Zuko to the group and force him to open up a bit.

But even if he hides way too many things, at least he doesn't outright _lie_ to them, unlike _Jet_.

Oh yes, he might've said he wanted to come along because he was – both figuratively and literally – sick of the ship, but Katara knows it can't be true because –

It's the _Fire Nation_ they're heading to. And while he has this odd, sort of friendship but not quite with Zuko, there's no way he is going to act the same towards any other Fire Nation citizen.

Spirits, _Katara_ is scared ! She knows they can't _all_ be monster – even Zuko, who she used to think was the worst of the worst isn't one – but she can't help it. Fire just took too much from her.

So to think that Jet, who lost even more, Jet who tried to kill innocent people because they were standing between him and his revenge, to think _this_ Jet would lay low in the country that's responsible for _everything_ – it's not just hard, it's impossible !

She will have to watch him really closely.

The wind is strong, so strong it almost drowns out Lin's cries – Zuko is desperately trying to soothe her, but it's honestly a lost cause, between the cold and the rain soaking even Katara to the bone, and no soft words or flashy lights will change –

Oh. Zuko is not – not _just_ trying to calm Lin down, he's actually keeping her _warm_. But to make a flame at night in these conditions –

Katara looks closer. Zuko is _breathing_ fire. She didn't know it was possible. And she should probably be amazed – and she kind of is – but really he just reminds her of a mother turtle-seal blowing gently on her pup. It's – kind of a funny thought.

And she should be worrying about Aang, worrying about what's going to happen once in the Fire Nation, worrying about Jet and whatever hidden motives he might have, but instead she is stuck with a picture of Zuko with a shell in her head, and she wants to cry because – it's so ridiculous and she shouldn't be thinking about funny things right now.

She turns her head, looks to the front. The rain hurts, and she closes he eyes. Clenches her jaw. Aang is going through the same storm, and he is injured. She cannot allow herself to be anything but resolved to find him.

She will definitely find him.

She has to.


	53. Hidden fire

A. N. : I had to consolidate my notebook with sticking paper because it was falling apart. Just like my college papers. And Zuko's life. Sadly, no sticking paper will help here. Maybe some glue would do ?

* * *

Zuko is _home_.

And while it may not be in the glorious way he used to imagine, at least this time there is no erupting volcano to chase his off – the irony of having set foot on Crescent Island while he was chasing the Avatar _again_ doesn't escape him, and thanks to Sokka it doesn't escape anyone anymore.

Let's just hope that Roku won't try to kill him this time.

He let the Avatar have his touching reunion with his friends earlier, instead of hitting him because of how much of an _idiot_ he is. He'll do that later, on another island, as his first lesson.

It still hasn't really dawned on Zuko that he's going to teach the Avatar. Sure, he _knows_ it but – the idea of teaching anything is so _foreign_ to him that it still doesn't make that much sense.

He _did_ teach Li how to use twin daos, but he also tries very hard to forget about that, so it doesn't count.

Well, at least that way he'll be ready for when Lin makes her first flame. Actually maybe teaching her how to breathe while it's still only sparks might be good too – there's no knowing when that first flame will come after all.

Anyway, she is still too young for any sort of training, so there's still time to think about that.

When the Avatar was reuniting with the others, Jet was also standing aside, next to Zuko. For some reason, he seemed really focused on the lava still flowing. Now that he thinks about it, Zuko hasn't seen that many volcanoes in the Earth Kingdom. Maybe Jet was just surprised –

Is what Zuko would like to think, but Jet's expression was everything but surprised – fearful, angry, determined. Even before that, Zuko was worried about Jet being here. Now ? Let's just say he isn't about to leave Jet on his own a single second.

 _Usually_ he would more or less trust Jet to do his own thing, but Jet and anything Fire are never a good mix. Expecting him to behave in the Fire Nation is about as good an idea as asking Zuko to trust his sister with Lin.

Though hearing him agree with Sokka that crab-eating _birds_ are _dangerous_ and _enemy birds_ is admittedly both surreal and hilarious. In a very worrying way, because if he reacts that way to birds, what's going to happen when they meet _people_ –

Zuko hopes Sokka's paranoia is only temporary, because he will _not_ be able to keep an eye on everyone.

Thankfully, the others make fun of them both, so at least he's not alone in this.

He agrees with the idea of hiding in plain sight – spending weeks in caves away from the sun doesn't sound good at _all_ , and he really wants to see how the country is doing, but –

His face is probably as recognizable as the Avatar's arrows, and he can't exactly grow hair on it to mask it.

So when comes the time to steal some clothes – and spirits, he _hates_ that, and it makes him feel the same as he did in Earth Kingdom, except worse because then he thinks of Song and her ostrich-horse and how the _fuck_ did he ever think _that_ was a good idea –

He picks a cape with a large hood. The rest doesn't really matter that much, as long as it has short sleeves and isn't made of silk – he doesn't want to catch fire accidentally, thank you very much. Not that there is a big risk of finding silk, given how expensive it is to fire-proof it.

Jet has never looked more disgusted than while putting on Fire Nation clothes, and that's counting the moment he learned Zuko was the Fire Prince.

Seriously, _why_ did he come – no actually never mind, Zuko really doesn't want to find out.

There's a town nearby – Sazakura, Zuko thinks, given what he knows of their location – and they decide to take a look around.

Should he tell the Avatar that he is wearing a school uniform ? Oh well, it's probably not that important. And he _is_ of school age after all.

The Avatar starts speaking in archaic Fire Nation slang that his friend apparently taught him – except these words were already outdated a hundred years ago.

Sokka says to leave it alone while Toph snorts. It reminds Zuko of Ba Sing Se and Longshot and Smellerbee, and he expects Jet to join in with some snarky comment –

Except nothing comes.

Zuko turns around.

Jet isn't there anymore. He is – gone. Jet is _gone_.

 _Fuck_.


	54. Half glass

A. N. : I live ! I live and I'm back with some girls. Gotta introduce future important characters after all... (Gotta get myself used to writing them too...)

* * *

It feels good to be _home_.

Well, not that Ty Lee really sees the palace as her home, it's too big and too red and too impersonal to feel like home to anyone – except maybe Azula ?

No, for Ty Lee, home is where her _friends_ are. Where she can laugh and smile and do what she likes and be her own person.

Therefore, she _is_ home.

Azula said their work is done and Ty Lee can leave and join her circus again if she wants to, but… Well, the circus was _great_ , she could be who she wanted and there was no one quite like her, and she _loved_ it.

It's just…

She doesn't feel like she wants to leave just yet. Like she _should_ leave.

Mai's aura has been a sad, disappointed gray ever since Azula told what happened with Zuko. She was hoping, holding to long gone memories, and now that Zuko betrayed, she is forced to let go.

Ty Lee wants to help her feel better, help her get over the heartbreak and make her aura a deep black again – it's odd really, that the healthy color for Mai is _black_ , but it is, and Ty Lee misses it.

Azula's aura switches between deep red and purple these days too. Often when Zuko is talked about – and the switches are so _violent_ , it can't be good.

But she still acts the same, so things are relatively fine. The day Azula loses control is the day everything goes to hell.

Thankfully, Ty Lee isn't on her own with the _Make Everyone Feel Better_ operation. Qin helps sometimes.

His aura is a deep green, with gold sparkles like Azula or the Fire Lord. Very pretty. He said the sparkles are probably there because he was a noble before joining the Dai Li – a fifth son with no political future and no regrets over giving up his privileges.

Except maybe for the fact that the stone gloves tend to damage his hands and nails, and stop him from wearing rings and the likes. Apparently that's a thing Earth nobles love, having pretty hands with lots of ornaments and all that. No wonder their nail polish is so good.

Qin is always called when there's a manicure party. It's better to be an even number, he is good at this, and that way he can help Ty Lee find ideas to lighten the mood and take everyone's mind off the sad things.

Not that he helps a lot with the mood. Dai Li agents are too serious to be fun.

But despite being the less fun person to ever befriend Ty Lee, Qin is also… Calming. Somehow. Probably because he himself is always calm. Ty Lee tried breathing along him once, just to see, and after three breaths she almost fell asleep.

She wonders if it's an earthbender thing, a Dai Li thing, or just a Qin thing.

Probably a Qin thing, given his idea of a good time is almost always meditation-related. Which honestly doesn't help with the problem at hand. Well, the tea party was a good idea but –

No. Actually the tea party was the _worst_ attempt at lightening the mood yet. It reminded everyone of Azula's uncle, and so it also reminded everyone of Zuko.

Ty Lee sighs. Uh, sighing while back bending feels super strange actually, it's kind of funny how the air flows differently.

Mai is feeding the turtle-ducks, and it should be a nice, relaxing activity for her, but instead her aura is even sadder than usual. Like fog in a sunless valley, or ash during a volcanic eruption. It's really, really not good but _why_ –

Oh. _Zuko_ used to do that. When they were kids and things were simpler. When Azula's mom was here, and Zuko was here and not a traitor, and no one's heart got broken over lost hope.

It's hard, seeing Mai like this. It's even harder to see her pretend she is _unaffected_ , to see other people buy that lie. So Ty Lee sits next to her and looks at the pond.

Mai won't talk. That's just how she is. Ty Lee doesn't really understand how she manages to keep to herself like that – maybe she _doesn't_ and that's why she's all gray.

Mai won't talk, until she does, and what she spits out is an angry _I'm fine_ , which sounds about as convincing as a turtle-duckling trying to hold a knife.

Ty Lee takes a second to smile at the image before turning to Mai, who glares and goes on to say that she wants Ty Lee to _stop_ – _she's fine, she doesn't need anyone to pamper her –_

It was a stupid childhood crush that she should've grown out of a long time ago, but she didn't, because he was _gone_ and she was in love with a _memory_ , with the _idea_ of him, of _course_ he would've changed, even if she never expected him to betray the whole _Nation_ , she should've _known_ he wasn't the same person as before, it was _stupid_ and _she_ –

Ty Lee puts her arm around Mai's shoulders.

Her jaw is clenched, her brows furrowed to the point it probably hurts, and she is clearly not _fine_ , but Ty Lee doesn't say anything. Mai opened up on this, but she is trying to keep the rest to herself, all bottled up, and Ty Lee may not approve, but she will respect her choice.

Mai breathes out, and her aura looks a bit blacker, somehow.


	55. Burning shards

A. N : My papers kicked my ass and I pulled my first all-nighter because of that. I am so glad for Jet to be back in here. (Is this sarcastic I honestly don't know. On one hand Jet is pain, but on the other he is also rather easy to write. Despite the pain.)

* * *

Jet is _thinking_.

He walked away from the others for that exact reason – to think, to plan something to get rid of as many ashmakers as possible.

He feels surprisingly calm.

Or maybe it's not that surprising. He is focused. He always manages to stay focused when it comes to planning _these_ sorts of things.

The goal is to rid the world of firebending scum, but of course he is alone and can't do it all. So he'll just kill as many as he possibly can before dying.

He can't do that without a plan though – he'd just get killed in a minute, without getting to do much. No, he needs an idea, something _big_. Like, if he could get his hands on explosives – now _that_ would be great.

He needs a target too. Killing old people would be useless, better just let them die on their own, children are out of the question – soldiers.

He needs to kill _soldiers_. The ideal would be to find a training camp for young recruits – the older ones are probably already marching on Earth Kingdom, burning and murdering and –

Breathe.

Young recruits. Anyone volunteering for the army doesn't deserve to live anyway – Li didn't _volunteer_ , he wouldn't, he'd never, he's the prince he _had_ to he was _forced_ to kill, it can't be otherwise –

In – and out.

Do not think of Li. Li is just the exception. The rest of the Fire Nation is full of murderous assholes who won't hold a peace even if Aang kicks the Firelord's ass. Wiping out their recruits seems like a nice way to force them into submitting faster – and stay that way.

There aren't many people of recruiting age around here, now that Jet thinks about it. Just one more proof that Fire Nation scum have death and destruction in their blood.

Still, it's almost as if the only people living in this town are old people and women. A few babies too, but not many. No children older than five in the streets, and the only relatively young men are almost all injured.

Jet hopes they're hurting.

Jet hopes they're hurting at least as much as _he_ is – but there's no way physical pain can ever equal the nightmares, the screams and the faces of dead people burning and bleeding and screaming they won't stop _screaming_ –

There's no way these people can ever know that pain, they're not _Li_ – strong and broken Li who is just the same as Jet, who is nothing like the other ashmakers. His horrible, terrible, beautiful scar is proof of that.

Speaking of which, these glass hair ornaments things over there are really pretty too. How can something so delicate be made in such a terrible place, now that's a mystery Jet would love to uncover.

He has always liked good-looking things, and he can respect the talent of the artisan, but it just _irks_ him to know the Fire Nation has stuff like that.

Well, with how useless and fragile these things look, he can at least find some sort of comfort in knowing the person who made them can't ever have been part of the army. No way.

The again, tea is pretty useless too, and Mushi turned out to be the Dragon of the West so – and exception, just an exception. Don't think too much about that.

Don't think too much about that, not even when looking inside the workshop, not even when the glassmaker is an old man covered in scars – did he get caught in an explosion or a landslide, was that on _purpose_ – not even when the old man is missing a leg and sitting while blowing in a tube so long it's obviously supposed to be used while standing. Don't think about Mushi and Li being anything else than the exception.

Jet looks at the glassmaker and he _hates_ him.

He hates that the guy looks so obviously like a soldier, hates that he's making nice and delicate things with the same hands that killed and burned and did spirits-know-what-else. But most of all, Jet hates that he found the work of that man to be _pretty_.

He wants to kill him, wants to make this man disappear, him and his stupid hair ornaments. He wants to storm the shop and break each and every thing that falls into his hands, until there's nothing left but glass shards and desolation – just like his village and life, and he _hates_ that a man who definitely did all of that can just live his life in peace while Jet drowns in his nightmares and _hatred_.

Jet wants to do all of that, but he _can't_ it would ruin all his plans he can't – this man is _nothing_ , Jet needs to find training grounds and explosives, not lose his mind and kill an old man with his own wooden leg.

And still he can't walk away, can't stop watching – the man puts the glass in the fire, takes it out, and he makes the tube turn and turn and turn and the glass is an eye-searing _red_ , and then he blows and the glass grows like it's _alive_ –

It's mesmerizing. Jet hates it.

The man opens the sphere he made and turns it into a flower, before putting it down.

He turns his head, looks at Jet. Smiles – his smile shouldn't be this soft, not with all the scars he has. He asks if Jet wants to come closer to watch him work, still smiling, still _soft_.

Spirits, Jet hates him so fucking much.


	56. Warm hands

A. N. : _A viper-lizard's tales_ is turning one today ! To celebrate, not only do you get a new chapter, but also another text, vaguely related to _Viper-lizard_ , called _Of honey and flesh_. So how about you check it out after reading this chapter ?

* * *

The boy has seen _death_.

Shi saw the same haunted eyes on so many people before, he has no doubt about that. These are the eyes of someone who has seen death without being able to do anything about it – he would know, he sees them in the mirror on bad days even now.

Maybe this is why he invited the boy to come closer, despite his looking like he's about to break all of Shi's bones. He felt a sort of kinship. Even though the boy is much, much angrier than Shi ever was – there were some like that too, but most of them died while fighting, and not always while following orders. They just couldn't stop.

Shi _could_ wonder why the boy has soldier eyes, but his face screams _colonies_ like few others do, and Shi has been in enough burned down villages to know children never forget.

The way the boy eyes the fire says it all. Not that Shi blames him. Some of the guys who came back even stopped eating meat because the smell reminded them too much of the battlefield. The War is hard on everyone and no one reacts to it the same.

It's terrible.

The boy sits on the edge of the stool, tense, jaw and fists clenched, like he's ready to run away at any time – or lash out, Shi isn't sure. It's not even distrust at this point. Just outright hostility.

So Shi does what he knows. He starts making glass again.

Take another bead and melt it, adjust the temperature – too hot and you lose the glass, too cold and you won't be able to work with it – a bit higher, just a bit, the fire doesn't need to be big, it just has to be _right_. Take the glass out – it looks like the sun, like life, like fire, like it's _supposed_ to be – and breathe, breathe the life you were gifted with into it – the colors are shifting, changing into something less raw, something precious.

Shi works like one would pray. With reverence and love and an eternal gratefulness for the chance he's been given. He lives today and so he shares his life through glass.

This flower goes below the other, to form a second row of petals. This will make for a nice comb. He smiles.

One more bead, one more miniature sun at the end of the pole. Shi looks at the boy – he seems to have calmed down, if only a little. Still on edge, but fixated on the glass more than looking ready to break something. His hands are fidgeting on the stool.

Shi takes a moment to think. He still makes the tube rotate to prevent the glass from dropping on one side, still keeps the glass at the right temperature – but he thinks of something else.

When he came back home years ago, he was lost. He had spent so long surrounded be death, life didn't come easy anymore. He didn't talk about it – _couldn't_ talk about it, his mind wouldn't form the words, wouldn't know _what_ to talk about, and even if it did, talking would bring trouble. What happens on the field doesn't match what people are told and Shi has seen enough of what happens when you cross the higher ups.

He was lost, but he _tried_ , tried his best to come back fully, tried not to worry his sister, she already had so much on her plate after all, but it was hard. Peace was hard, being a burden was harder – _poor_ family, being forced to take care of a _useless_ member of society who failed to even die with _honor_ –

It was hard.

And Shi decided that he didn't bleed for his Nation to be treated this way. Even if it wasn't really a conscious decision. He mostly just wanted to do what he knew. So he made glass, and when his leg started hurting he tried sitting down and found he could still work.

Glass doesn't care who you are.

If Shi had come back to _nothing_ – no shop, no glass – like is the case for the professionals, things would no doubt have been different. He would have stayed lost, not knowing his place among the living.

Shi looks at the boy. Glass doesn't care, but _he_ does, and he offers the boy to _try_ – try breathing life into something, try finding his place.

The boy looks at the tube, looks almost offended, and says he _can't_. The words seem hard to say, like he is straining not to say something else.

Shi wants to insist, because the way the boy refused sounded _wrong_ – can't, not doesn't want to or something else. And the boy snaps – _stop playing nice you murderer –_

He stops. He looks like a child who was caught doing something wrong – and rightfully so, calling Shi a murderer is equivalent to criticizing the War, and this is a _very_ dangerous thing to do. Shi looks around to make sure no one else heard that. Thankfully, nobody is here.

He tells the boy to be more _careful_ , and the boy looks at Shi like he just grew a second head. Shocked and horrified.

Shi sighs. The glass grew too cold to work with it while he was distracted, and heating it again right now probably wouldn't be that good. He won't be able to focus.

The boy still looks at him, though now his eyes dart from side to side as well, like he is trying to understand and impossible situation.

Now what to do.


	57. Head tales

A. N. : Honestly I felt _Extatic_ when I finished this chapter. Jet is growing, slowly, and while I don't think he'll ever be _healthy_ , this is still pretty big. Don't expect him to get it all right in one go though.

* * *

Jet _fucked up_.

He fucked up so bad he honestly thought he would have to kill the old man to get out of this mess.

But no, the guy told him to be _careful_ – Jet called him a murderer, and therefore exposed himself as _Earth Kingdom_ , and this damn old man tells him to _be careful –_

What the fuck.

Is he a traitor, does he feels guilty for killing and burning and – breathe – did losing a leg make him realize suddenly how much of a fucking _terrible_ person he is – _breathe_ Jet for fuck's _sake_ –

In and out, and again.

Let's pretend for a second that this old man is actually a traitor and not just a delusional idiot – though now that Jet thinks about it, it would explain a lot. Anyway let's – let's pretend. In the case the guy really is a traitor to his Nation, what would that mean for Jet ?

A source of intel, for one – dude has been in the army, he has to _know_ things. An ally ? Nah, too old and injured to fight, and even then Jet doubts even a traitor would be ready to kill his own like that – _Li_ did, but Li is the exception and also not the subject.

Is the old man alone in this ? Are there others, and if there are, are they organized ? Even not talking about _Jet_ – after all there weren't many people who would follow him even back in Earth Kingdom, so _here_ – if there is, hypothetically, an organized group of Fire Nation traitors, would they provide help to _Aang_ ?

This is all theories and baseless hope, but somehow Jet's mind thinks of Mushi's Pai Sho philosophy _. You can always find friends with Pai Sho, no matter where you are._ And it's absolutely stupid, especially since there is no Pai Sho board around, but Jet remembers that and he starts thinking that maybe Mushi meant something more than just a game philosophy.

Not that Jet is going to play Pai Sho with someone who could hypothetically, maybe be on his side. Possibly.

Though if he isn't then why would he – old and delusional Jet, stop giving yourself hope.

Hope ? Hope for _what_ anyway ? What would an old glassmaker even do to help ?

Or maybe he's just waiting for Jet to trust him and tell him about Aang – _hah_ , nice try, Jet won't fall for _that_ –

Wow, even for him that's a new low. What kind of paranoid idiot would seriously believe this ? One thing Jet knows for sure is that the Fire Nation believes itself to be invulnerable, even more so now that Aang _died_. They wouldn't bother hiring someone to unmask spies.

So the old man is either an idiot or a traitor.

Could Jet use him somehow ? Bend him to his will to do – what exactly ?

The man is talking, Jet only realizes that when he sees his lips move. Maybe he's been talking all the while and Jet didn't notice – even now he can't really focus on the words and has no idea what this guy is saying.

It must have been pretty obvious, because the old man turns to face Jet with a very slow move – he takes the stool from under his peg leg, turns, puts the leg on the stool again with a _poc_ sound. _Ah_ , the leg was cut above the knee. Jet wonders what walking that way feels like.

 _Boy_ , the old man says, and Jet doesn't like being called that at _all_. He could kill this man with his _thumb_ , he's not a _boy_ anymore. He isn't an adult – doesn't want to be an adult, to be a coward bowing to the Fire Nation – but he isn't a powerless child.

Jet's thoughts were probably clearly shown on his face – that or the old man is used to these kinds of situations – because the guy sighs and says that he is, well, _old_ , and so to him Jet is a child just like many other people are. It doesn't have anything to do with looking down on him.

And he adds – how can he, how _dare_ he – he adds that he understands Jet's anger – what a fucking _joke_ really, as if a soldier, as if an _ashmaker_ could understand that – but Jet shouldn't be so loud about it – Jet swears he's going to beat this guy with his own leg, he'll see who's _loud_ then.

Being too critical of the war only brings trouble. At best Jet could end up in jail. At worst… well he should be too young to be conscripted, but you never know.

And Jet wishes the old man had said anything but that. _Conscription_ _?_ As in, people being forced to go to war ? But no, the Fire Nation is full of murderous assholes, why would they need that system ? Earth Kingdom resisted for a _hundred_ years without something like that – and now that Jet thinks about it, that was probably only because the Earth King didn't know about the war and so he never signed the order – the Fire Nation wouldn't _need_ that –

Surely they all _want_ the war, aside from Li and Mushi. They _have_ to.

Jet looks at the old man. He doesn't want to know, doesn't want to hear him talk about the Fire Nation being full of _people_. Jet doesn't _want_ to, but he _has_ to. He has to know, has to understand, no matter how painful or terrible. He can't keep running away like a fucking _airbender_.

He breathes.

Jet asks for the old man's name.


	58. Like the wind

A. N. : Writing Aang isn't exactly easy to me, especially now that he isn't under as much stress. Positive characters are hard. Die-hard optimistic characters who _refuse_ to give up their faith in the world are even harder. (I'm more of a 'imagine the worst case so you won't be disappointed' person myself.)

* * *

Aang is in _school_.

He has never been in one before, has no idea what to expect – and isn't that _exciting_ ?

For the first time in forever, he feels like a normal kid.

At the Air Temple, there was no school – or not like that at least. One of the masters would stand in front of everyone and tell a story – sometimes about the old gurus, sometimes about spirits, sometimes about something else entirely. And everyone would listen, other masters included. Or sleep, that happened too. The stories weren't all very interesting.

There weren't many books, not like here, and especially not when the master was talking. What was said orally was more important than any written thing. Not to say there was _no_ writing but – it just wasn't used except to communicate with the outside. And in really old texts that the monks copied and used to teach reading.

And yet, even though things aren't the same, Aang keeps being reminded of how things were. And it hurts, but it also feels nostalgic. Good memories of things he won't live again, people he won't meet again – but he still has the memories, and he cherishes them.

The teacher told him to sit and hasn't called him since. Aang doesn't think she likes him too much, but she isn't being mean and she actually teaches well. Right now they're learning about how the capital was built – in a _volcano_ ! How cool is that ? He'll have to ask Zuko about it.

Right. Zuko. Aang isn't quite used to him being here yet, but it's nice. Even though Aang has so many questions – Katara told him the basics but there's still a lot he doesn't understand. Like the baby – Lin. Her name is Lin. Or Fire Turtle since that's how Toph calls her. He wonders why.

Oh and there's Jet too, who is not only _there_ , but is also friends with Zuko. Although he calls him Li. And he disappeared, which is how Aang got enrolled in school while looking for him. Aang hopes the others found him because there's no way this is going to end well otherwise. Or – maybe Jet changed now that he's friend with Zuko and he just got lost. Yeah. That'd be good.

Aang wants to believe people can change. All people have the potential to be good, and just because they got lost on the way doesn't mean they are irredeemable. That's true for Zuko, that's true for Jet, and that's even true for the Fire Lord – even if making _him_ change won't be easy, that's for sure.

Yes, Aang is angry and sad, but hate never solved a thing. He wants to believe – in people, in life, in the potential for change in everything. The sky is never even once the exact same, and neither are people. That's what the monks used to say, and Aang chooses to believe them.

That way hope is never lost.

The class ends too early to Aang's taste. He would've loved to learn more. And make more noodle portraits.

It's better for Momo though – the second they're outside and no one looks at them, Momo puts his head out of the shirt and closes his eyes, feeling the air. Aang would do the same, but a girl sees them – ooops – and tells him he should hide his – _monkey_. Sorry Momo.

Aang smiles. The girl – On Ji – is pretty nice, and she even likes his headband. Well, she likes _Kuzon's_ headband. Aang is sure Kuzon would appreciate if he was here.

Speaking of which – what happened to him anyway ?

That's one more thing to add to the _things to do after the world is saved_ list, Aang supposes – said list also includes trying to find other airbenders because _surely_ some of them fled and hid, asking Katara out, and learning how to play the tsungi horn correctly. Among other things.

On Ji has a boyfriend apparently. That's nice. Or it would be if he – Hide – didn't looks so _mean_. Sort of like Jet before, arrogant and all that, except On Ji doesn't even seem to _like_ him. That's weird. Why would you go out with someone you don't like ?

At least Jet _appeared_ to be nice and made efforts for that – until he didn't and blew up the dam and tried to kill Aang and Sokka and all these people. _Eh_ … maybe it's best that Hide only has the same _the world belongs to me_ attitude and not also the lying eyes.

It would be even better if he had _neither_ and was popular _and_ nice, but Aang can't really do anything about that, so there's no point focusing on it.

Let the things you can't change flow without fazing you, like the summer breeze. Or if the wind is strong enough to push you around, go with the flow and wait for better days.

Hide's attitude is the first case, and Aang smiles at him.

Another boy arrives – Shoji, he says he's called – and he seems surprised Hide didn't hurt Aang. Beginner's luck, probably – Shoji laughs at that. He seems like a nice person. That's good.

He offers to play hide and explode with Aang and – Aang remembers the days with Kuzon, chasing him around, or never being able to find him because he was just _that_ good at hiding.

Aang accepts.


	59. Bone marygold

A. N. : Sorry for the wait, I just... had to take a break from this fic. But I'm back, the fic is back, everyone is back, for better of worst. In French, the marygold flower is called _souci_ , which is also the word for _worry_. Thought you'd like to know where the chapter title comes from.

* * *

Zuko is _worried_.

Jet disappeared and they all split up to find him, but then the _Avatar_ disappeared too and they only realized _that_ when they all met up at the cave. Or well, not _all_ , and that's kind of the problem here.

Spirits, this day couldn't go any worse. At least they can be sure the Avatar wasn't caught, because otherwise there would've been some sort of announcement and probably one or two explosions, so there's that.

Scratch that – this day _could_ go worse and Zuko very much wishes it _doesn't_.

Where did these two go, for fuck's _sake_ –

Oh _look_ , there comes Jet, playing with some sort of glass bead – where did he even find that – like all is right in the world and he didn't just vanish in the Fire Nation for a _whole fucking day._

Where did he go, what did he do there, and how many people died – is what Zuko would be asking if Jet didn't greet him with the correct name.

And damn, it shouldn't be such a shock to be called by his actual name, but Jet has barely bothered calling him anything but _Li_ this whole time and Zuko – Zuko doesn't know if the sudden change is a good or a bad thing.

He hopes it's a good thing, but this is _Jet_ and this is a reminder of Zuko being _Fire Nation_ , so really he can't be too optimistic here.

The fact that Jet is looking extremely calm doesn't help. He is _quiet_ , which he never is, which he _shouldn't_ be, and that's – scary.

But then Zuko notices the way Jet's hand clenches and unclenches on the bead, not playing like he thought before, but – nervous ? – and the way Jet looks at the ground – and that's _wrong_ , Jet always looks straight forward with assurance, like Azula, and looking down is weak _weak, stop looking at your feet Zuzu –_

Something happened.

Zuko looks at Katara. She was _freaking out_ before, when they realized Jet was gone, and now she is frowning and biting her lips at how something is obviously wrong. Zuko still doesn't know what sort of history she has with Jet, but he remembers the way she shouted at him back in Ba Sing Se, and how Jet told him about going too far in his fight and – crazed eyes and a hand on his face, and hands on his throat suffocating him, and wheat on _fire_ – and really, he thinks if someone can understand how worried he is, it's Katara.

Please let no one be dead.

Lin stirs in her sleep, as if bothered by the change too – ah, Zuko crossed his arms out of habit and sort of smothered her, sorry Lin, please don't wake up – and Sokka opens his mouth to say something –

But Toph says she feels _Twinkle Toes_ coming and suddenly nothing else seems to matter to the others. Well, at least he's alive.

Jet looks confused, and Zuko _really_ doesn't feel like explaining this one to him, especially since he _is_ at the root of it all.

He also refuses to acknowledge any sort of responsibility he might possibly bear in the enrollment of the Avatar into school – he isn't the one who chose the clothes, just because he didn't point out they were a school uniform doesn't make it his fault. No way.

It is even _less_ his fault the Avatar wants to go back tomorrow, and seriously, what the fuck is _wrong_ with this kid, what kind of moron _wants_ to go to school – Azula did, but Azula had Mai and Ty Lee and wasn't sneered at by the teachers.

Honestly, gifted kids are so lucky.

More importantly though, they have a plan to follow and are kind of running on a tight schedule, so they can simply _not_ afford – why is Jet agreeing with the Avatar ?

Why is Jet, Fire Nation hating Jet, obviously upset Jet, agreeing – wanting – to stay in the same town for longer than strictly necessary, and how bad has this day actually gone without anyone noticing until it was too late ?

Bullshit arguments of the Avatar aside – Zuko already _knows_ what the Fire Lord looks like, thank you very much, now can someone put this portrait away and never take it out ever again _please_ –

Avatar arguments aside, Jet is making some pretty good points – worrying, has he rehearsed that – such as how Zuko has been out of the loop since his exile – Katara makes a face at that – and if they're going to pretend they are Fire Nation, they might as well get some intel on the current state of things. There are some things all people know, even in the colonies, after all.

Toph agrees with a _whatever_ , and the Avatar makes a gesture as if to say _see, I'm not alone in this_ – but really, Jet making sense is more worrying than the Avatar not making any. And judging by their expressions, Sokka and Katara agree.

But fighting against the idea is useless, not when the Avatar says it's been so _long_ since he felt like a normal kid, can't he just have _this_ , just one more day _please_ –

Katara softens, and there go Zuko's hopes of keeping Jet as far away as possible from trouble.

Not like they were big in the first place.


	60. Steamless engine

A. N. : This chapter is dedicated to Jeong Jeong, who I kindly invite to go fuck himself. If I see _one_ more person call fire the element of destruction, I swear I'm going to break something. But yeah, this chapter went _places_ , which was kind of unexpected but not unwanted.

* * *

Zuko has no idea what he's _doing_.

And sure that's a feeling he – well, maybe he's not quite _used_ to it, but it's definitely not _foreign_ to him.

He is honestly reminded of the first weeks with Lin. Though _that_ was way worse in terms of what do I _do_ , Uncle help me instead of laughing, _what if I make a mistake –_

There's less pressure here – just the fate of the world and spirits, why did he ever think that was a good idea ?

He's not even good at firebending, how is he supposed to _teach_ it ?

The Avatar looks as lost as _he_ is feeling, sitting on a rock and looking everywhere except at Zuko. He seems absolutely unmotivated – what, does he not want to learn firebending with a guy who's not even a _master_ ?

Can he at least make a flame, or will they have to start with the very, very beginning ? If Zuko has to teach an Air master how to breathe, he will _burn_ something.

Oh, so he learned _things_ with Jeong Jeong already, good. Zuko remembers Uncle talking about his prowess out on the field – before he deserted, that is – so the Avatar at the very least saw the basics with someone who _actually_ knows what he's doing. Great.

Less great is the absolute lack of energy in the Avatar's – in his everything really. What the hell, usually kids are _excited_ to start bending and make flashy stuff and throw cool punches.

Zuko frowns, shows him how it's done – though that probably isn't the problem, but he has no idea what else to do so –

The fire feels different, and now that he thinks about it, it was already that way in Ba Sing Se, when he faced Azula. It feels… warmer, somehow. Which doesn't make much sense because Zuko knows the temperature of his fire, and he is sure it hasn't changed.

Still, it feels warmer.

The Avatar looks at him weirdly, asks him if there's something wrong, if he wants to stop – yeah nice try but that's not gonna do it.

Zuko can investigate the change in his fire later, so long as he can bend it's not that important. What matters right now is the moron in front of him who's supposed to save the world. Which is not going to happen anytime soon if he doesn't actually start putting some effort in this.

Spirits, he's a prodigy, what is he _afraid_ of ? He's going to get it right after two tries and it will be infuriating, but since it's his fucking _job_ , Zuko won't complain. So _why_ , for the love of Agni, is he not _trying_ ?

The Avatar stares at his feet and bites his lips, and he doesn't – _doesn't want to burn anyone._

And Zuko can't help but ask who burned him, because fuck, he _knows_ this, knows it way too well, and kid got struck by lightning, why is he even surprised – but the Avatar looks at him with confused eyes and he _wasn't, no one_ burned _, why is he asking that –_

Zuko want to _scream_.

The Avatar isn't afraid of fire, doesn't get sick because of the smell of burned flesh, doesn't fucking _recoil_ in front of a fire that's too close for comfort, he just – just doesn't want to burn anyone, like it makes some sort of difference whether he burns or drowns or crushes them, or even blows them from the roof and into the ground.

Like fire is somehow worse because it's fire.

And the Avatar mumbles something about control and rocks not moving on their own while fire burns everything, and he doesn't talk like usual, almost like he's repeating something he heard and –

Jeong Jeong the deserter. Emphasis on _deserter_.

And honestly, Zuko doesn't know if he wants to laugh or to cry, because of _course_ the only person to teach firebending to the Avatar until now was possibly the _worst_ person for the job. And that's counting Zuko.

He sighs. In – and out.

How do you explain to a kid who sees the world in shades of white that just because someone is a master doesn't mean he can't be wrong about – well, about a lot of things. He can even be wrong about his own element if he got fucked up enough. And spirits know you have to be fucked up by a _lot_ of things to desert from the Fire Nation army.

Zuko has no idea what was the final straw for Jeong Jeong, but something tells him it had to do with killing and fire. With blood and murder and orphans and villages burning down until there's nothing left but ashes. The things that made Jeong Jeong are almost certainly the same that made Jet, and no one sane would ever ask _Jet_ to teach them about fire.

Jeong Jeong may be a very competent bender, but he shouldn't teach anyone. Especially not the Avatar.

But obviously it's too late, the Avatar heard that and _listened_ to it, and Zuko doesn't know how to make him unlearn that fire is bad because it's fire.

It's _not_. Just like the sea can and _will_ try to drown you on its own, or like earth can shake and make houses crush the people living inside as they come down, fire can devour everything on its path.

But fire can also keep you warm on a stormy night, it can cook your food and turn rock into steel. Fire can make a baby laugh at how pretty it looks.

Somehow, just _telling_ the Avatar about fire doesn't feel like enough, so Zuko grabs him by the arm and drags him to where the others are sitting, and he asks them all what they think of fire.

He has no idea why he did that, but he did, and now he looks at Jet with intent and specifies – _fire_ , not Fire Nation. Jet doesn't look at him and keeps playing with his glass bead – and seriously, where did he _get_ that thing ?

Toph says fire is _warm_ and hits Sokka when he laughs. Fire keeps her feet warm and makes the world around her a bit fuzzy, but not as bad as sand.

She crosses her arms – _your turn Snoozles !_

Sokka makes a face and scratches his neck. Fire hardens spear tips, and the smoke is great for fish. Actually, grilling fish is also great. It leaves dark traces on the snow.

He looks over to Katara, who thinks for a second. She looks at her hands. Then at the Avatar. Fire burns – and the Avatar looks visibly upset at that – but without it the whole village would die from the cold. Telling horror stories around a firecamp is the best part of winter, and the shadows it makes on the snow and tents are mesmerizing.

Zuko nods. Not such a bad idea for something he didn't think through at _all_. But then everyone turns to Jet.

And he looks – he looks at them and grimaces. Frowns. Looks away and grits his teeth. Then he looks at Zuko, and at Lin, still in Katara's arms.

He makes a strangled sound, and Zuko opens his mouth to say it's _fine_ , the lesson is done, there's no need to –

He doesn't _know_.

And it shouldn't be possible for a laugh to sound so horrible and _broken_ , but still Jet manages to make these choked sounds like metal scraping against rock, and – _he doesn't_ know _, not anymore, he doesn't know_ anything– and he descends into hysterics, half laughing half crying, like someone opened a faucet and forgot how to close it.

And really, it's _wrong_ , and Zuko just really wants it to _stop_ , but he doesn't know how, he can't just _shake_ Jet until he stops, but he can't _bear_ that – the horrible choked laughter, and Jet curled up on the ground and _broken_ –

Zuko doesn't know what you're supposed to do when you're on _that_ side of the breakdown. So he just – ushers the others away and no Katara you can't stay _please just go away_. Sits in front of Jet in silence. Uncle would make tea, but Zuko doesn't have any and anyway he still can't manage to brew something that doesn't taste like mud.

Whatever happened to Jet today – because something _obviously_ happened, if it wasn't clear before it is now, the old Jet would've just said something terrible and wouldn't be so torn up – whatever happened, Zuko will find out.

But first, he will wait.


	61. Red ink

A. N. : I debated for a while if I should keep my idea for this chapter or change it after last chapter went in a slightly different direction than planned, but in the end I decided that breakdowns are better appreciated in small doses. So you get Fire Nation propaganda, as was the plan.

* * *

Kuzon is a _disruptive_ element.

Kwan can have no certainty about how much of Kuzon's behaviour is due to his being a colony boy, and how much is just his looking for attention. Either way, _something_ has to be done.

Teaching has always been one of the great pleasures in Kwan's life. She enjoys sharing the history of her Nation with children, enjoys seeing understanding and pride on their faces when they manage to remember a particularly important fact, enjoys their curiosity at more obscure anecdotes. Most of all, she enjoys sharing the _pride_ she feels at being part of the _great_ Fire Nation.

Which is why Kuzon making light of the Oath infuriates her so.

His improper outfit, she can forgive – disgracious scars notwithstanding, his being embarrassed would certainly be a hindrance to his ability to focus on the lesson. Lack of manners, she can understand – no matter what, colonies are still only that, and colons mixing with Earth barbarians cannot have any positive effects on their spawns. She only hopes the new environment and the influence of proper Fire Nation citizens will solve some of it. He seemed receptive when being taught how to salute properly, after all.

But making fun of the Oath and of the Fire Lord, and worse even, encouraging the other children to laugh at it too ? Unforgivable. Barbarian blood just can't explain everything. This is pure disrespect, and if Kwan believed in corporal punishment, she would without any doubt introduce Kuzon's hands to a ruler. But Kwan only believes in _learning_.

It is this belief that lead her to remind the class of what it means to be a part of this Nation, what it means to bear the weight of history on their shoulders. Remind them of it by making them remember it themselves.

And she is proud of her students, as even their wrong answers show that they worked and paid attention to her lessons. Some dates are amiss, but there is understanding of the way decisions were made and battles won and colonies established.

Or well, there is – most of the time.

Kwan rubs her temples as she stares at Kuzon's test.

It is as if this child never went to school in his life, or went in some other world where events are both the same and different. No dates, events twisted to look unnecessarily cruel, half the page blank. And there is the objection he raised when the test began _– is this a trick question, the Air Nomads didn't have an army –_

Never in her life has Kwan heard something of the like. As if the Fire Nation army would commit such acts and kill civilians. Now, Kwan isn't naïve and is aware that incidents happen, that collateral destruction is sometimes inevitable, but this – this sounds straight out of Earth Kingdom propaganda.

Well, it would surely explain the mess in front of her, as well as the mockery Kuzon made of the Oath. But for a child to be exposed to propaganda of this level, there must be something really wrong with his parents.

Kwan will need to question Kuzon tomorrow, and if her suspicion is confirmed, the director will have to be informed. In the worst case, the National Guard will be involved. Kuzon's parents should be held entirely responsible, but he will probably need to by re-educated and freed from the lies he's been fed.

She sighs.

Maybe Ming Wa is right, she is becoming too old for this. She could retire, Ming Wa could close her restaurant for a few months, and they would travel for a while, just the two of them. Kwan always wanted to visit the Sun Warriors ruins, and she knows Ming Wa has taken an interest in pirate recipes recently, so they could visit a Sea Walker village too.

Maybe. In a few years. First, Kwan has to take care of the current situation.

She writes her last corrections and puts the paper on the _done_ pile.


	62. White smoke

A. N. : Petition for Jet to stop making me work so much. Well, at least old man Shi gets his round of honor that way... Two things now. One, this arc should be done in about 5-6 chapters (fucking finally). Two, next chapter will most likely take more than a month to come - I have a paper that is crucial for my future to send by the end of the month, so normally I won't be able to write until December. On these words, have a good read !

* * *

The boy is _back_.

 _Jet_. Jet is back.

Shi didn't think he would see him again, not after how _haunted_ he looked when leaving yesterday. But perhaps he should've known, precisely because of that.

Jet is standing outside of the workshop, looking at Shi, and then looking behind him at something Shi can't see. Maybe Sana is rearranging the shop again, like she always does when she is nervous. Akane asked Shi to teach her yesterday, and Sana is obviously worried her daughter will be conscripted when she comes of age.

Having an uncle like Shi will make anyone reconsider the _honor_ of having a child sent to the battlefield after all.

Shi goes back to his work – can't let the glass grow cold, can't let it drop either – and he breathes, breathes life, breathes fire into the cup he is birthing. Having a dragon coiled around it would be nice, he thinks. Akane would love it.

Dragons are hard, even with his experience. The age taking hold of his hands doesn't make it any easier.

Shi is aware he probably doesn't have that many years left to live, is aware most of the other glassmakers in the country have passed without anyone to take over the craft, and he wishes this damn War would just be over already. He wants to teach Akane, without it having to be a secret, without Sana crying again and fearing for her daughter's life.

He wants Akane to be able to bend openly, to know the feeling of making glass live and grow, wants her to live without having to hide her spark.

If only the War would end.

Shi sighs. The cup is done, a beautiful blue. The dragon will be green, he decides, and coiled around it in a protective move. But that will be for later, when Akane is back from school and he can show her how to do it, if only so she can _watch_.

Jet is gesturing at something now, and suddenly someone else comes into sight, someone Shi doesn't know, holding a baby in their hands and angrily whispering at Jet. Odd.

The two argue for a minute before finally moving closer. Shi has reduced the fire's strength for now – one child freaking out is already a lot to handle, and if Jet's friend is anything like him, Shi is going to have his hands full enough as is. No need to push his luck.

Jet's friend – _Li_ , but Jet stumbled on the name when introducing him and Shi is half sure that's not really his name – Li is wearing a large hood that prevents Shi from seeing his face all that well. He doesn't take it off, not even during introductions, not even when Shi directs him to a stool and he sits on it too gracefully for someone holding a baby, not even when said baby tries to jump out of his arms and into the fire.

 _That_ makes Shi chuckle – Akane was like that too as a toddler, always attracted to fire and sunlight, the way all firebenders are. He asks if the baby has started making sparks already, and Li answers with something like a fond smile. Shi isn't sure. Damned hood.

Shi smiles too, and it probably looks more like a grimace, or at least bad enough that Li asks about his scars.

It's surprising. Shi thought Jet had told Li about him before coming, and that was why they are both here now. But it obviously isn't the case, and Shi tells his story, tells of the earthbenders and the rockslide and of how the only way to get him out was to leave his leg there.

Jet looks very uncomfortable, as much as he did yesterday, even though once again Shi hasn't said anything of the pain and the weight of the earth on his body and it was suffocating he couldn't breathe he was scared he thought he would _die_ –

Shi gets up, walks to the fire, makes sure it didn't grow too cold. The day isn't done, far from it, and just because he can't work _right now_ doesn't mean he won't when the boys have left.

He hopes they leave soon. He needs some air.

Li is staring at Shi, apparently not caring that his baby is currently chewing on his hand. Then he turns to Jet, mumbles something and – and Shi sees the scar. The _burn_ , just as bad as the one where Shi's flesh leg ends and the wood one starts.

There is no way this is accidental.

And _oh_ – Shi remembers the posters, mainly because they were recently renewed, since after all he never cared much for this story. He thinks of Jet's reaction to seeing fire, to learning of Shi's tale. Remembers the words on the posters – traitor, caused the defeat at the North Pole, joined Earth Kingdom terrorists, tried to kill the Princess.

Shi looks at the two kids – three, there's the baby too – and they're still talking quietly. Jet has the glass bead Shi gave him in his hand.

There's a National Guard patrol stationed nearby, it would be so _simple_ to just ask Sana to go to them. That's what a good _patriot_ would do.

And Shi thinks of Akane, thinks of Sana crying. Thinks of the people who died when he almost did, of the ones who survived and had to stay on the field. He thinks of the War. Breathes.

He offers Prince Zuko to try making glass.


	63. Hot chamomile

A. N. : I live ! I miscalculated the fact that the finals started right after my deadline so I had to start writing later than planned, but I'm here, the chapter is here, and next chapter is started. So yeah. This one is a calm one, as you probably guessed from the title.

* * *

Lin just won't stop _wriggling_.

It seems like she is having one of _those_ days – babbling and moving and trying to jump into all and any fires she sees and just generally unable to stay _calm_.

Feeding her is an almost impossible task. Zuko is so tired. And hungry. Please just eat already…

The old man – Shi, his name was _Shi_ and Jet should really stop calling him old man because now _Zuko_ is starting to do it too and that's just rude – Shi gave them the address of a restaurant so full no one would ever pay attention to them, and even gave them money so they could go. Zuko has no idea what to make of that.

It's obvious that Shi knows _something_ – but what and why would he help ? Or maybe he just pities them. After all, from what Zuko managed to get out of Jet, he had the _incredible luck_ of witnessing one of Jet's _firebenders should all just die_ mood.

Mostly, the old – _Shi_ , damn it – Shi was lucky to survive the encounter. Even if he doesn't know it. Zuko hopes he doesn't know it.

Right now, Jet is eyeing his food suspiciously, either looking for traces of poison or trying to evaluate its spiciness, Zuko isn't sure. Jet probably thinks they're one and the same, anyway.

Zuko wonders what the others are doing. He said he'd take care of Jet today – he really thought it would take the _whole_ day – so there's no problem with being away from them. In theory. Though they are just as likely to run into a Fire Nation patrol as _he_ is and that isn't exactly reassuring. Not everyone can have the chance to be mistaken for a student.

Well. The Avatar is probably still in school – which he finds _fun_ , Zuko still isn't over it. Sokka must be reworking their schedule for the fiftieth time today. That, or he's worried about birds again. Toph said she wanted to play a bit with volcanic stone, which probably means the island will grow a new hill. And Katara – does Katara ever do something that doesn't involve worrying over other people ? Eh, maybe she's training. Or trying to sop Toph from redrawing the island map.

Lin still doesn't want to eat and the food is growing cold. Would re-heating it in front of Jet be a good – no, no it wouldn't. Shame. Zuko hates eating cold.

He sighs and tries again. Come _on_ Lin… _Please_ …

Zuko is close to giving up when Jet offers to take her – he is done with his meal and at this rate Zuko is never going to eat. He shrugs, as if saying it's nothing. As if saying things are the same as they were back on the ferry – spirits, _that_ feels like it was _years_ ago – as if saying nothing changed.

But _everything_ changed. Everything changed and Jet brought the teapot closer to himself before making his offer – but he made the offer and an hour ago they were talking with a veteran and Jet watched Zuko try to blow glass with more or less success.

Nothing is the same, and yet _nothing_ is the same. It's a weird thing to think. That change can mean so much, can destroy bonds and make them stronger at the same time. Maybe you have to be a waterbender to understand these things fully.

Zuko hands Lin over to Jet and – asks if Jet minds that he re-heats his food. A pause. And a shrug. Zuko smiles. Starts eating.

It's good.


	64. Sharp ice

A. N. : I have bad news. The headband arc will be longer than planned. Though only by one chapter. The good news is that I'm going to write a lot of girls, starting right now. Katara is so much fun ! So many emotions !

* * *

Katara cannot _believe_ this.

She can't – Aang got called to the headmaster's office. He got called to the headmaster's office for _hitting_ someone. Aang doesn't _hit_ people, this is _stupid_ and if she wasn't supposed to be a Fire Nation colon, Katara would freeze that headmaster – and that hideous _liar_ of a boy, she's not forgetting him, _oh_ no – freeze him to the ceiling !

Aang got called to the headmaster's office with his _parents_ , which means of course Sokka and her are playing the part, since no one else could safely do it. She has Lin in her arms to perfect her character – Zuko made her promise at least ten times to keep Lin safe, and he didn't threaten her but it was probably close.

Definitely a mother turtle-seal.

The headmaster is talking about coal mines now, and Katara thinks of Haru and his father and all these people and she is _furious_. She smiles the best she can and focuses on Sokka to avoid breaking this man's _face_ – calm down, no matter how satisfying, this would only bring trouble to everyone, especially Aang, and can't risk this, can't risk everyone's hope like that.

Oh, and Zuko probably wouldn't appreciate her endangering Lin.

Sokka threatens Aang, and the headmaster looks so _satisfied_ it's _disgusting_. Dad never treated them like that, not even when Sokka got himself tangled in a fishing net and they had to cut it to free him, wasting hours of work – Dad never talked like Sokka does right now, and the fact that the headmaster seems to think it's _normal_ makes Katara want to puke.

The again, this is the same man who said a _coal mine_ would _educate_ Aang and – ugh, if she thinks about this anymore she will _scream_.

The finally leave and Katara _breathes_.

In – and out – and again –

Katara looks at Aang, who seems more pensive than anything – not angry, not outraged, just thinking. It's… sort of impressive, really, the way he always accepts things as they come, the way almost nothing fazes him. The way he goes with the flow, like a river coursing around rocks, never stopping, always moving forward at its own pace.

Though, sometimes getting angry is worth it. But not right now, right now there is no Master Pakku to convince, there is only a cover to keep up until they leave. She can keep her anger all bottled up inside for later, when the time will come to fight for the fate of the world, fight for what's right against people like the Fire Lord or Zuko's sister or that horrible headmaster.

Aang starts waving at someone, then stops abruptly and bows in a weird way. The woman in the hallway raises an eyebrow before bowing in turn – the same way, maybe it's a Fire Nation thing ? She steps forward and greets them – oh, she is Aang's teacher, the one who gave the whole class a surprise text today because Aang didn't know some oath.

Katara decides she doesn't like her.

Aang's teacher stares them down like their existence annoys her to no end, but she still asks if they are _Kuzon's_ parents and Katara is _so_ not ready for another round of this, so when the teacher says she wants to _talk_ to them, Katara pretexts having to feed Lin – this is bullshit, Lin is playing with Katara's hair and she won't be hungry before a few hours at least and the teacher arches an eyebrow that says she doesn't believe this –

Katara doesn't care and leaves.

She wants to leave this town entirely but first she has to leave the school before she slips and punches someone. Spirits, she is so _tired_.

She goes back to the cave before Aang and Sokka – she can't even see them behind her, that's how fast she walked – and hands Lin back to Zuko. Maybe she should go through katas for an hour longer than usual tonight, to avoid feeling useless again. She can't wait to leave this place.

That headmaster _really_ annoyed her.

So when the boys come back and Aang says he'll throw a dance party for his school mates, Katara almost chokes. Almost agrees with Sokka.

But then Aang explains that the kids here aren't _free_ and that he wants to give them a taste of freedom – Jet's eyes light up and Katara could swear she sees the various plots of rebellion and revolution and manipulation take shape in his mind, and really, _ew_ – and Katara thinks of that headmaster and his coal mines and his smirk when Sokka threatened Aang –

This man would hate the idea of dancing. This man would _loathe_ the idea of his students having _fun_.

And Katara looks at Jet, looks at his sharp smile – the same he had when telling tales of messing with the Fire Nation army – and she knows they're thinking of the same thing. She tries not to think about what that says about her.

This dance party will happen, and it will be the _best_ party _ever_.


	65. Separate foundations

A. N. : Many good things happened to me since I started writing this fic (because I sought help mostly), and one of them gave me a whole other view on Mai's character. Namely that lowkey dissociation actually fits her. So yeah, you get a small, originally unplanned interlude before I wrap up the Headband arc in 2-3 chapters. (Also a theme appeared between this one and the previous gal pals interlude (ch. 54 if you're curious) and I might actually stick with it haha !)

* * *

Mai is _angry_.

Mai is angry and it has been so long since she felt something so strongly that she doesn't know what to do. It's as if opening up to Ty Lee broke some of the walls she built inside herself. She needs to build the next ones stronger.

Most of them are still here though, which is how she manages to live day to day without bothering anyone. Don't act, don't show, don't feel – but now she feels and she _hates_ this.

If Azula picks up on this – how comes she didn't pick up on this yet – Mai's life will become hell.

Mai doesn't know what to do, but she believes personal problems must be dealt with _personally_. And she _will_ find a solution, no matter what she has to do.

She knows her anger stems from Zuko's betrayal, she isn't _that_ cut off from her own emotions not to realize this. The thing is, she can't shake Zuko – or hit him, or threaten him with her knives – until he explains why he decided to betray his Nation, _precisely_ because he betrayed, even though what happened three years ago proves he _cared_ at some point.

She can't reach Zuko to demand an explanation, but she still wants – needs – one. So she thinks of the one other person who could know of his reasons, the one person she _can_ reach and threaten and –

Now that she thinks about it, Iroh is not only all of that, he is also most certainly _responsible_ for Zuko's change.

She wonders for a second, idly, how much she could rough him up in his cell before someone intervened, but quickly shakes off the idea. She isn't Azula. She might be angry and she might want answers, but she won't hurt someone who can't fight back.

She is not Azula.

Mai enters the prison with her intentions clear and doesn't try to hide her being here. Hiding things from Azula is never a good idea, even moreso now that she has picked up some high quality spies in Ba Sing Se. So Mai doesn't hide – she is here to get _information_ from the _traitor_.

She just doesn't specify what sort.

Iroh looks disgusting, nothing like the man who would make everyone tea and play Pai Sho with Ty Lee after Princess Ursa's disappearance. It never lasted long, because Azula didn't like him and he didn't like Azula, and that fact meant _something_ always happened to interrupt the tea party.

The Iroh in front of Mai doesn't look anything like the one Mai remembered – he looks dirty and old. Like a ruin. Did captivity do this, or did he do this to himself ?

Did he ruin Zuko in the same way ?

Mai doesn't answer his hello, doesn't answer his _did Azula send you_ , she just stares and sees his eyes are the same as Ty Lee's when she plays dumber than she is. Clever, calculating eyes that don't fit the ruin he pretends to be.

He was the genius General after all. The genius _sibling_. And Mai has years of experience in dealing with these, so she won't be fooled.

She cuts to the chase. What did he do to Zuko – he frowns, looks confused, and now that she knows it's all an act it really gets on her nerves.

She grits her teeth. Grabs one of the bars of the cell. _What_ did he _do_ to _Zuko_ ?

There's an echo and Mai realizes she _screamed_ that. Bad, she needs to get a grip on her anger and fast, losing control like that is dangerous. Her throat hurts from the unusual effort, her jaw hurts too now with how hard she keeps it clenched, and her breathing is uneven.

How long since she was this angry and acted on it – it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter because it won't happen again if she can help it. It _has_ to never happen again, especially not in front of Azula.

But it won't happen again. She is already building back some of the walls that just fell, and with every breath she feels her posture straighten, her face putting on the usual apathetic expression, and it is only when she has crushed every single remnant of anger under her heel that she lets go of the bar she is still holding.

Iroh is asking if everything is alright and she ignores him. He will not answer, and so he doesn't matter anymore.

She turns around, opens the door to exit the cell. Qin is standing in the hallway, right in front of her, and that makes her pause. There is no reason for Azula to send _him_ over – he isn't a spy, the Dai Li archives said he was in charge of some underground research facility or whatever. Him being here doesn't make any sense.

He smiles nicely and Mai can't read him at _all_ – there is no explanation, no _someone ordered me to_ , not even a ridiculous excuse such as _I got lost_. He just asks if she is done here, then says they should go back and guides her outside with a hand on her back, in something that feels like it's supposed to be a protective move.

Mai glares at him and he takes his hand back. They still walk side to side and Mai doesn't see the use in making any effort to change that. The only sounds are of their footsteps and respective breaths.

Qin's earrings are glittering in the torchlight. Always glittering in the corner of her eye. For some reason this doesn't annoy her.

She feels calm for the first time in days.

All is right.


	66. Freedom choir

A. N. : Toph is a lot less present in this fic than I thought she would be when the Gaang finally appeared, but nevertheless, she is here and I love her. The next chapter will still be Headband arc, but it will be the last - sort of a proper conclusion to this arc I guess. Also, I am thinking of doing another short (like last year's Of honey and flesh) for the Viper-birthday next month, so if you have any suggestion, I am open. I have my ideas, but yours might be interesting too !

* * *

Toph is sort of _impressed_ by Twinkle Toes on this one.

Sure, everyone did their part and she even turned this cave into an actual ballroom in record time, but Twinkle Toes _actually_ managed to organize his secret dance party in less than a day.

And from what Toph remembers of the parties – sorry, _receptions_ – at her place, it normally takes a lot more time to organize these things for even less guests. So yeah, kudos to Twinkle Toes for once !

The first kids to arrive are the orchestra, promptly renamed The Flamey-os for the occasion. Sparky makes the longest sigh at that and Toph snickers because really, how did he not _see_ this one coming ?

When the next kids come – and _damn_ , that's a lot of people Twinkle Toes managed to convince – it's… awkward. No one really knows what to do, some don't even know if they want to _be_ here – and _geez_ , if you don't know what you want why are you even _here_ , why can't people just make up their mind once and for all instead of always hesitating !

Seriously, dealing with these kinds of people is driving her crazy.

But for once Twinkle Toes doesn't give up – heh, looks like her lessons _finally_ bore fruit – and he shows the kids some steps from a hundred years ago.

Very smooth Twinkle Toes, no one is ever going to guess you were actually there at the time… or not.

The music is nice, loud enough that Toph feels her body vibrate, but not _too_ loud. That tsungi horn player is very good.

Toph taps her foot in rhythm. She sort of wants to dance.

She was never taught how to dance, not even the boring, Earth noble, dancing together but not _too_ together, don't even _think_ about touching your partner kind of dancing. She knows the steps, sure, not like there's a lot to do aside from sensing what the other are doing when you're stuck on a chair because poor, _blind_ Toph wouldn't know what to do –

What a whole lot of bullshit. She'll show them poor and blind.

But the thing is, even if she's reckless, she's not _stupid_. Her parents knew she can sense the earth and they still couldn't imagine her capable of dancing, or even of following a partner's steps. _These_ kids here would probably freak out if the blind girl started dancing like them.

And she is not pretending to be useless again, she is _done_ with that.

And so Toph taps her foot and laughs at Stalker's efforts to convince Sparky to dance. On his own of course. And of course Sparky uses the sleeping Fire Turtle as a shield, all _but I have to take care of her_ , even though they all know he just really doesn't want to dance. Never change, Sparky.

Stalker brings out the ultimate argument – _Katara could watch over her_ – but sadly, and as much as Toph would love to feel Sparky's awkward little feet dance, the Sugar Queen is currently busy with Twinkle Toes.

And it's weird, because it feels like they're _bending_ , but Toph doesn't hear the flow of water, doesn't feel faraway stormy winds, doesn't smell _rain_ – it always smells like rain when these two bend together, rain form the end of fall that's not sure is doesn't want to become snow and feels heavier than normal rain.

Toph doesn't sense any of that, and anyway Sugar Queen knows not to bend in the middle of little Fire kids. So Toph supposes they're either dancing or pretending to – and they way they're not-bending is so _rhythmic_ that in the end it doesn't matter.

They're beautiful and Toph really wants to dance, or fake-dance, or whatever, and she is _definitely_ getting the others to organize another dance party just for the six and a half of them. Plus Appa and Momo of course.

But she doesn't say that. Instead, she says _she_ could hold the Fire Turtle while Sparky dances, and laughs when Sparky stumbles on his words because he _clearly_ doesn't want to say yes, but he doesn't want to tell her no either because he is a softie.

Of course, since both Stalker and Snoozles are laughing too much, she just has to add that Stalker should totally dance too, and _don't worry, she'll make sure the Fire Turtle doesn't burn off Snoozles' hair this time._

Only his normal hair, she says to Snoozles' ears only, and he welps.

And Toph laughs, she laughs the loudest of the four, because that's how things are supposed to be, because they're all beautiful and _happy_ , the whole of them, and there's no way she'll ever say that to their face so she just laughs at them – _with_ them, and she might not be able to dance right now but this is the next best thing.

She laughs, and when the party is crashed by the headmaster Sugar Queen dislikes so much she _cackles_ as low as possible because these kids are _amazing_ and that dance party is the best idea Twinkle Toes _ever_ had, and she feels the guards tap their foot and the kids trembling with the excitation of doing something _wrong_ and _fun_ , and they're all fleeing and once Appa starts flying they all burst into laughter.

This is what freedom feels like, Toph decides. Laughter and fun and the warm bubble in her stomach when she remembers the headmaster's shouts to _stop, all of you stop_ –

This is what freedom feels like, and she is never giving it up, ever.


	67. Dancing rebels

A. N. : This chapter marks (finally) the conclusion of the Headband arc (finally). Today also marks the second birthday of A viper-lizard's tales ! As I did last year, I wrote a short to commemorate - still set in the Viper-lizard's canon, but focusing on some creepy guys... It is called "Jade lions never sleep" and can be found in my stories. Happy birthday !

* * *

On Ji feels _good_.

Sure, the dance party yesterday was crashed because of Hide, and Kuzon disappeared afterwards, but this was still the best fun she's had in forever. Maybe ever.

This morning, when Mrs. Kwan arrived, she announced she'd be retiring at the end of the year. And at first On Ji thought it was weird – Mrs. Kwan always seemed the type to work until death, and retirement sounds almost like a foreign word, like something completely opposite to her character – but then she noticed how _tired_ Mrs. Kwan looked every time her eyes wandered around Kuzon's old desk.

How tired she looked when Shoji started humming while writing down his answers to today's exercise. How tired she looked when Akane drummed on her desk during the lecture, no matter how many times she was told to stop. Akane never seemed very invested in class, but that was pushing it, and Mrs. Kwan looked so _tired_ , even when she made Akane sit in the corner…

That was _rebellion_ , On Ji realizes. Shoji's humming and Akane's drumming and refusal to stop – that was rebellion. That was _freedom_.

And now she wonders – if what happened this morning was freedom, does that mean they weren't free before ? But no, they're Fire Nation citizens, and Mrs. Kwan keeps saying they're all living in the greatest free Nation of the entire world. Was she wrong ? Is that why she was so tired – because she realized she taught them things that were _wrong_ ?

Were they not free ? _Are_ they not free ?

There's a crowd of people around Shoji in the corner of the school grounds, and Shoji isn't all that popular so that must mean something is up. Looking more closely, they're all people who were at the dance party and who loved it. There's Akane and San and the shy boy who's always with Shoji – Lei ? Was it Lei ?

Shoji looks _ecstatic_ , like he's about to reveal he's the lost son of the Fire Lord and will inherit the throne or something. As it stands, his revelation is even _bigger_ than that, because Kuzon –

Kuzon was an earthbender.

And Mother of all Spirits, this goes against _everything_ On Ji knows, or thinks she knows – Kuzon wasn't a colon, Kuzon was _Earth_ , and yet Kuzon was nice and he made her dance and she felt so _free_ –

Mrs. Kwan is retiring and On Ji is starting to think that's a good thing, and that _hurts_ because she _likes_ Mrs. Kwan !

On Ji likes good teachers, teachers who like what they teach – but she hates liars, and now she just doesn't know what to think.

And of course _Hide_ shows up just now, because he always has the _best_ timing to make things _worse_. It's Hide's fault she couldn't dance longer yesterday, and it's Hide's fault Lei looks like he's going to faint, and it's Hide's fault that no one wants to be _close_ to her.

And he threatens the others because he finds they were standing too close to her and calls her his girlfriend – and she is _not_ ! On Ji _never_ said yes !

On Ji never said no either, because Hide is the Headmaster's favorite and she was never free.

And now he's standing in front of her, all arrogant and haughty, and he thinks she _belongs_ to him doesn't he ? Just like he thinks the school belongs to him. He doesn't think anyone will ever tell him _no_ , because no one ever did – and in that case is he really wrong ?

On Ji was never free, none of them ever were, and she realizes she _wants_ to be.

She punches Hide. Right in the nose. His eyes go wide, and then he crumbles on himself and holds his face and _whimpers_.

And this is rebellion. This is _freedom_ , and when the teachers arrive to separate them and take On Ji to the Headmaster's office, she raises her head and stands straight and walks proudly.

Mrs. Kwan looks at the commotion from afar, and On Ji smiles at her. She still likes Mrs. Kwan, she decides, in spite of everything, because she wasn't _lying_ – she just hadn't been proven wrong _yet_ , like Hide.

And On Ji keeps walking with her head high, even though she knows she is going to get the punishment of a lifetime.

She is free.


	68. Tired tears

A. N. : On to the Painted Lady arc ! The good news is, it shouldn't take 15 goddamn chapters because of Jet. _And,_ there should be more Lin. The bad news is, it's probably not the wholesome father-daughter interaction you're all craving, because this is me, and this is a stressing situation for Zuko. Still, that's not the focus of today's chapter. Today is Katara, and a lot of water I guess.

* * *

The river is _crying_.

At least that's the feeling Katara get, but maybe it's really just _her_ wanting to cry at _this_ – this pollution, this grey and viscous _stuff_ that's stopping the river from _breathing_ –

Wait. What ? Rivers don't breathe, and yet Katara could swear this one – Zuko called it Jang Hui – is suffocating.

Jang Hui is suffocating and Katara's throat feels like there's a knot in it. If she tells Sokka, he will probably say it's just her imagination, that she's just angry at the state of the river – and she _is_ , and he would probably be _right_ , but Katara doesn't want to hear it, so she keeps it to herself.

 _Aang_ doesn't seem to be bothered by it. Tui, he even _swims_ in the muddy, ill water – he _does_ point out there's something wrong with it, and Katara wonders if he feels the same as she does, or if he's just talking about the pollution. Both are linked, but they're not the same, Katara knows that – it may be just a figment of her imagination, but she is _sure_ of it.

When Aang dries himself by blowing the water on them – the water touches her skin, and Katara feels _physically_ ill. It's not just a feeling at the back of her mind anymore, no, now Katara is shuddering – _get it out get it out_ – and it's like she's shrinking – she _feels so dirty someone please help her_ – and for a second she can't _breathe_ –

Then the water is gone and the sickness with it, and all that's left is Lin crying and the temperature rising by the second as Zuko grows closer to exploding, and Jet moving closer to Katara and looking like he's going to either puke or break something – that's some _sort_ of progress, she guesses – and Lin keeps on crying and Katara's head _hurts_ –

Something is wrong but she can't pinpoint what exactly and Lin's crying _really_ doesn't help, and why doesn't Zuko calm her down instead of screaming at Aang, please shut _up_ –

He does, and now Aang appears to shrink a little when looking at Katara. Oh. She didn't mean to scare him, but she isn't going to apologize.

The temperature is finally going back to a relatively acceptable level, and Toph chooses that moment to say she's hungry. And it's so out of the blue that all the tension just – disappears !

It probably wasn't her intention, but Katara is thankful nonetheless – she hates infighting. Unless it's really justified by, say, someone not playing by the group's rules. It's not like they can banish anyone of them after all – except for Jet, but he hasn't done anything _yet_ , and if she didn't know him she'd really think he's turned into a good person.

Sokka agrees to put a food break into his monster of a schedule, and they stop near a village built _on_ the river. Heh. That's a sweet idea. If the water wasn't so polluted, it would be such a nice, quiet place. Who knew the Fire Nation could build something like that ?

She turns to Zuko to see if he knows anything about this place – their last stop taught them he is surprisingly good at geography, or maybe it's just that he comes from the Fire Nation, so he _has_ to know these things – but all he has is that, since it's customary for floating towns to bear the name of their waters, this village is probably _also_ called Jang Hui.

Implying towns like this one are common place – and he wouldn't say they _are_ , exactly, but they're not _uncommon_ either, this one is pretty small and built using the root pillars system, but some others are much bigger, and the oldest one is also the biggest and is found at the middle of Lake Tenuht, and is much more like and actual floating city, with even floating _fields_ , and –

Katara can't help but chuckle. This is the most she's heard Zuko say in one sitting – he even sounded like _Sokka_ for a moment here. Even Lin has fallen silent at his monologue, and there's no way she understood any of that.

Zuko looks horribly embarrassed though. Mumbles that he likes architecture – _it's pretty useless though_ – and Katara frowns because who _cares_ about useful ? It's still interesting ! Toph calls him a nerd – _but it's alright, she still likes him_ – and Sokka looks like he wants to ask _all_ the questions about how that could work. He refrains himself though, and says they should go now, else they'll be even more behind their – his – schedule.

They go, Zuko stays – Katara can't say for sure if it's to avoid being recognized, or just because he is _that_ embarrassed by the public display of his secret passion for buildings – and Jet surprisingly comes with the rest of them.

Sometimes Katara wonders if Jet just _conveniently_ forgets about Zuko's bending whenever they hang out, just like he _conveniently_ forgot Zuko's name until recently. But he doesn't seem to mind the Zuko-enhanced firecamps, so Katara just really doesn't know. These two don't make sense anyway.

A man named Dock ferries them to the village and explains that the pollution comes from that _hideous_ factory over there – and oh, the headache is back, and it makes Katara even _angrier_ at the unfairness of the situation. The others don't seem to mind, but she minds enough for five.

Or, well. Aang looks a little sad, and Jet looks angry but he probably just wants to blow up an army factory so that doesn't count. Part of Katara, the part with the headache and the bad feeling that just doesn't go away, agrees with that – but the rest of her remembers the dam and would like Jet to just go to hell.

She starts to seriously consider the idea once she sees the fish and clams at Xu's shop. And she makes a decision to do _something_ when that little boy asks her for food – maybe not destroying the factory, since this is a Jet idea, but at least finding actual food where there's bound to be some. And if it annoys the army, then that's just a bonus.

She will help these people, Katara decides, because they don't deserve any of this and because she _can_. She will protect these people.

And maybe breathing will become a little easier in the process.


	69. Training mountain

A. N. : Nice. So anyway, if you were expecting a cool training montage - I have news for you, namely that martial arts are a pain when you get bored easily and/or lack motivation. Yes I speak from experience. Yes I practised a lot of these (plural) back when I actually did sports. I know firebending is based on kung-fu, but I noticed that the punches are very much like karate, so I used that as a base to write the actual training part of this chapter.

* * *

Why won't the Avatar _focus_ ?

Zuko _knows_ he can, he's seen him _meditate_ , for fuck's sake. Then why, by Agni, does the Avatar get distracted by literally _everything_ whenever it's time for the firebending lesson ?

Yes the water is disgustingly dirty, yes these villagers are unlucky, yes the army is doing the exact _opposite_ of protecting the people and that's fucking _terrible_ , now can they _please_ go back to breathing and punching ? Hell, it's almost as if he's doing it on _purpose_ to avoid – is he doing this on purpose ?

Is this kid so fucking irresponsible that he thinks he can beat fa- the Fire Lord with some half-assed bending ?

Sorry _what_ ? The eclipse means he won't need fire anyway ? He can learn later, and focus on water and earth right now ?

Zuko is _this_ close to strangling the Avatar. This close. But he remembers Jet's reaction at angry bending, and the cold when Katara got angry earlier, and Sokka is swearing at the campfire now – so instead he closes his eyes. Exhales.

Reminds the Avatar that the eclipse will only last a little over eight minutes, that the royal family _always_ reinforces security whenever there's one, and that with Sokka and Chief Hakoda they determined that the chances of Azula knowing about the invasion are nearly absolute. So she and the Fire Lord will be prepared, and failure will be a _very_ real possibility.

And the Avatar grows so pale at that, Zuko almost thinks he didn't know, even though they've gone over the details of the plan times and times again – but then he realizes they _haven't_ , not with the Avatar, not in detail.

Spirits damn it. Spirits fucking damn it. Koh fuck him and the fish jelly that serves as his brain. A sea-cucumber wouldn't have been so _dumb_ !

He fucking forgot to explain the plan to the key person – wait, Sokka forgot too, they _both_ have anemone-slugs for brains. Plus, _Sokka_ is the plan guy, _he_ should be responsible for these things !

Zuko doesn't know if he should just give up on today's lesson and get over all the plan's details with the Avatar, or focus on getting the Avatar ready for the worst-case scenario – which, considering Zuko's luck, the Avatar's tendency to wreck everything, and Azula being there –

Agni save them all, they're never going to survive this. Better start getting the Avatar ready for that now.

So Zuko breathes, hopes that the looming threat of failure and a very painful death will motivate the Avatar, and goes back to what he was saying before getting derailed.

So. Fire punches. First, get into the base stance – _lower_ , that's not stable enough – then throw the punch while exhaling – watch the feet, no tiptoeing here – now go back to the base – don't forget to inhale, firebending is rooted in the breath – and again – _slower_ , until the sequence is ingrained in your body – and again – focus – and again – _breathe_ – and again – better – and again – and again – and again – and again – and –

And the Avatar is distracted again. This is barely the tenth repetition. That's not – not possible. Zuko is really, _really_ trying not to let his anger get the best of him, but at the rate things are going, this is probably going to happen.

In – Sokka shouts at him to _please_ stop doing that – and out.

In – getting angry means risking to burn the people around the campfire and he _can't_ do that – and out.

He needs to find _something_ to force the Avatar to focus. Force him to not give up when it's boring. Something the Avatar will have to keep in sight at all times, like a candle, without running from it.

Something _dependant_ on him.

Zuko doesn't like where this thought is going, but he can't seem to find a better idea. Even though he hates it.

Maybe with supervision – a _lot_ of supervision – and just a few hours a day at most – more and Zuko would probably go mad – and it _would_ teach the Avatar how to stop fires from spreading – but spirits, Zuko hates this _so_ much –

Still, he goes back to the others with the Avatar following him, takes Lin back from Katara's arms – she smiles at him and he is _not_ cooing, shut up – and then looks at the Avatar again.

He really doesn't want to do this. Maybe he should just call it quits – yeah _right_ , and let the world burn and Lin with it, like _that's_ going to happen.

So he tells the Avatar what's going to happen from now on. He won't be alone, Zuko will always be near him to watch and explain what he needs to know and help in case something happens. This will _not_ be part of the actual bending lessons, those still stand.

Lastly – Katara is smiling sympathetically while Sokka looks positively horrified – lastly – Jet looks like he's praying and Toph is giggling maniacally –

Lastly –

If _anything_ happens to Lin while she is in the Avatar's care, Zuko will _kill_ him.


	70. Gray spirit

A. N. : Shout out to past-me, who wrote down this chapter in advance and allowed me to post this through my unending tiredness. I might not have said it earlier, but about 5-6 of the latest chapters were written much in advance in my notebook, and I still have more. That way I can keep updating every 2 weeks no matter what. That's the solution I found to my schedule troubles and honestly I think it works rather well.

* * *

Something is _wrong_.

It's night, and Zuko should be sleeping – _was_ sleeping until about two seconds ago actually –

Someone is sneaking in the camp.

Zuko rises slowly, makes sure Lin is still asleep. He sees Jet in the corner of his eye, pointing to Katara's empty sleeping bag, then to the darkness up the river. Oh.

Now, normally Zuko would let Katara do whatever she wants – maybe she just wants to take a walk, who knows – but Jet is following her and there's no way Zuko is letting _him_ go anywhere on his own, especially with an army facility nearby.

Wait. Isn't the facility in that _exact_ direction ?

Oh come on !

Zuko hesitates for a second before taking Lin with him. There is no one to take care of her left in the camp – no one he can yet trust not to fuck up and he is so _stupid_ , how could he ever think making the _Avatar_ babysit was a good idea when he doesn't even trust him to watch her _sleep_ – and maybe the risk of putting a baby in danger will make Jet think twice before doing anything too reckless.

And if push comes to shove – well, Zuko doesn't know what he will do. Fighting with Lin strapped to his chest is something he wants to avoid at all costs. But he also knows he _will_ have to fight at some point, and in his situation, finding someone to babysit while he commits acts of high treason is pretty much impossible.

The day of the eclipse draws near, and he still doesn't know what will happen of Lin then. They will need all the fighters they can have, and anyway Zuko is _not_ staying behind – he knows the plans of the bunker, will need to lead the others there, and anyway he knows himself. There is no way he will run from this, even if it means fighting father.

Zuko won't say it out loud, but he is afraid. The idea of facing father, of going up against him, not because of a misunderstanding, but of his own volition – it terrifies him.

He will do it, for Lin's sake, for _himself_ – he never deserved this, he was a _child_ – he will help the Avatar take down the Fire Lord, and maybe he will even tell father how terrible and unfair he was – he's always been – and maybe he will even feel _good_ about it, beyond the fear.

But he doesn't want to risk Lin's life for this. He _can't_.

He also can't leave her on her own while he fights, she's a _baby_ , she can't survive without him, there's just so much that could happen –

But he can't keep her on his chest, that would be just as dangerous. The back ? In a one on one it would be better, but he can't defend that spot and if someone comes from behind –

There is no solution. No way to ensure her safety.

Zuko hates this.

He reaches the top of the hill and finally catches up to Jet, who is _smiling_. And there is no way this is a good thing, because the army factory is just in front of them and – and Katara seems to be trying to sneak into it. And if she does that, _Jet_ will follow her, and Zuko is _not_ dealing with more of his stupid stubbornness – stubborn stupidity ? yeah that works too – so he walks up to Katara and asks what the _fuck_ she thinks she's _doing_.

And apparently she didn't notice him before, because she almost unleashes a water whip at him. That would've been a pretty stupid death, but thankfully she stops _before_ the water touches Zuko.

Jet moves closer and Katara glares at him and says she _only_ wants to get some food for the villagers. But of course that's not enough for him, and he proceeds to talk about how the source of the pollution and the village's problems is the factory, and how _nothing_ Katara does will change anything so long as it's still standing, which – well. It's not wrong. And from the way Katara winces, she knows it too.

But Zuko also knows that the blame for this kind of thing won't go to the mysterious travelling kids. No, it will go to the villagers who have all the reasons to do it.

The blame always goes to the obvious people, Zuko learned that early – Azula learned it earlier still and took advantage of it as often as she could. Mother was the only one to never fall for it.

Anyway, the point is, destroying the factory would do the exact _opposite_ of helping, so Jet can keep that idea and put it back in the limbo where it belongs.

Katara is _still_ going to steal food no matter what though, and Zuko looks at Jet's smirk and sighs. Well. _Someone_ has to watch out and make sure no one dies in the endeavor, right ? Maybe they'll even find some food suitable for Lin.

Maybe Zuko also feels somewhat excited at the thought of infiltrating a forbidden place again, like Pohuai Stronghold, like the ferry, and maybe ensuring Jet doesn't do anything stupid is only part of the reason he participates. Maybe.

But hey, it's not like he is _used_ to being the responsible one.


	71. Blue lady

A. N. : Since I don't really have a lot to say about this chapter, I'm just going to take a moment to thank all of you for reading. I especially thank the reviewers - those with an account already know how much they mean to me, but the guests maybe aren't aware so. Really, thank you. I'm not sure this story would've become what it is today without your support. Also I still don't know how long it will take to get to the end of it, so I guess we're stuck together for at least a few more years haha

* * *

Jet was _right_.

Katara hates that he was right, hates that she _knew_ he was right even before going back to the village. The water is still sick, her head still hurts, and the only thing that changed is that the people are a little happier.

Even Xu's fish still looks as repulsive as before.

Actually, there _is_ one more thing that changed – aside from Jet's _I told you so_ face whenever he looks at her and _ugh_ , she really hates that she can't even _pretend_ he was wrong – and that thing is the faith of the villagers.

Before, they looked like they'd lost hope. Now – now they all talk about the Painted Lady and thank Her for Her blessings and pray She will bring more.

Somehow, Katara's headache lessens when she hears them. Which doesn't make sense – sure, she's happy she could help at least a little, even if it really isn't enough, but she isn't arrogant or stupid enough to revel in the praise given to a Spirit. Plus, she is sure her headache is linked to the state of the river –

Katara pauses. All this time, she's felt like Jang Hui is hurting and ill, like a person. And the Painted Lady is a river Spirit. Could it be ? But no, _Aang_ is the Bridge between humans and Spirits, she is just a normal – if talented – waterbender.

 _Water_ ? Is it the water ?

She ignores Sokka's request that she _just_ _get in the spirits damned ferry already_ , and turns to watch the village.

Maybe the Painted Lady is asking for her help, maybe not. What matters is that these people _need_ help. If Appa could play sick for another day – _sick_ , like some villagers _are_ , like that situation and the fact they don't have access to medicine _is_ – then Katara could do more.

Jet is right, nothing will change so long as the factory still stands – but Zuko was right too when he said the blame would fall on the people living here. So maybe –

Maybe they could _orient_ the blame somewhere else. Towards a being able to do very many a thing. A being who would without a doubt be pleased if that army factory disappeared for good.

 _Surely_ it wouldn't be sacrilegious to wear that name and mantle for just a night ? Katara would only be answering a request, after all.

She thinks about telling Aang – he _is_ the Avatar, so he's probably know if this is alright, and if not then he could probably help anyway – but then Toph would hear, and then _Sokka_ would know and he'd disagree, and she doesn't want to fight with him on this.

So Katara only stares at Jet, and nods when he raises an eyebrow.

She is doing this.


	72. Ghostly wave

A. N. : It really is a good thing I write my chapters in my notebook in advance now, because today was an absolute mess. For one, I forgot it was update day, so I started writing it down at 8pm. For two, this was actually supposed to be a much longer chapter, but in the end I decided to cut it in two so it would flow better. Of course, that meant I lost 30 minutes on finding a new title. Oh well. At least it's out on time.

* * *

This is _stupid_.

This whole idea is stupid and is never going to work and why the hell is Zuko the reasonable one _again_ ?

Is this how Uncle felt during these last three years ? If so, he deserves many, many medals. And more apologies still. Zuko is sorry, very, _very_ sorry, and he swears he's learned his lesson now, so could the world please _stop_ putting him in these situations ? Please ?

The world of course doesn't give a single fuck about what Zuko wants, because Katara still looks just as determined, and Jet's smile is still too wide. Zuko wants to punch him.

For the _last_ time, there is no way they can blow up that factory and get people to think a spirit did it. No way. And _no_ Jet, Zuko isn't being hypocritical, no one thought the Blue Spirit was a spirit in the first place. This and that are different things.

And this – this is not going to work. _Ever_. The villagers will get accused no matter what. Katara could leave a note literally saying _a spirit did it_ , and it still wouldn't change a thing. Unless they somewhat manage to leave an actual supernatural proof – which they can't because they're not fucking _spirits_ – the army won't care.

Why is Jet's smile even wider than before ? This is creepy. Even Katara looks unsettled. Not disgusted like she usually does when Jet has an idea, just weirded out.

Oh spirits, Jet has an idea.

Jet has a plan that sounds so _impossible_ , it might very well work. It will take some time, but they have the whole night to them if they start now.

But first Zuko decides to readjust Lin, and strap her to his back. He will need as much freedom of movement as possible, and she won't wake up right now anyway – night is never easy on firebenders, and she just can't power through it on sheer stubbornness like Zuko does. Yet. Zuko prays her Earth blood won't make her as headstrong as Toph, otherwise he will suffer a lot in the future.

Oh. Oh Agni, he just imagined himself parenting Lin – is it really parenting if he refuses to be a _father_ – until she's all grown up. Oh.

Now is definitely not the time for this – if it was up to him, _never_ would be the time to think of this and realize exactly how _attached_ he is and how the world doesn't have to do anything to put him in impossible situations because he does that perfectly on his own – but here he is, frozen, with a sleeping baby in his hands, having an existential crisis when he should be blowing up a factory.

Katara hovers around him awkwardly, asks if he's alright – the answer is something like _not really_ , but there's no way he can tell her, or _anyone_ really, why he feels like his entire life has stopped making any sense. So he just mumbles that it's nothing, exhales, and starts moving again.

And spirits, why won't Katara stop looking at him like _that_ – Zuko doesn't need people worrying for him, and he certainly doesn't need a girl he's known for what, three weeks, to do that either. He answers her glare with his own and –

And his swords are on his back. And of _course_ they are, he put them there himself.

And he could tie Lin over them, he knows that could work but – but the last time he used them it was when _taking_ that ship, and he –

Zuko breathes. Closes his eyes. In – and out. Opens his eyes again.

He hands his swords to Jet – it's a bit awkward, getting them off his back while holding Lin, but he manages – and tells him to try not to use them if he can.

Jet blinks. Looks at the swords, then at Zuko, and his face changes to something Zuko can't read – but he knows those eyes, knows Jet probably got everything that's going on inside Zuko's head, and it's both infuriating and comforting.

Jet nods – _sure_ – equips the swords and unsheathes them, testing their weight. He whistles and remarks they're pretty good – he misses his hookswords though.

And now that Zuko thinks about it, he has no idea where in Ba Sing Se Jet's old swords got lost. Maybe Smellerbee and Longshot managed to get them ?

It doesn't matter. He finishes tying Lin to his back, then nods to the two others.

Time to blow things up.


	73. Painted spirit

A. N. : Here is what was originally the second half of chapter 72, before I decided to split it. Featuring two metallurgy terms that I didn't know before having to write this. The joys of having to research words you know in your native language... (Personal trick for when you're in the zone but lack a word in English, just write it in whatever language you know (in parenthesis) and keep writing. You can do the research later when editing, and that way you don't break your flow. That was the Advice No One Asked For of the day !) On another note it's finals time and I am dying.

* * *

Breaking into the factory is _easy_.

As easy as it was yesterday actually. Either the army didn't notice the stolen goods, or they though it didn't matter that much. Perhaps they even took pity on the starving villagers. Zuko has no way of knowing. In any case, it makes accomplishing Jet's plan that much easier.

It also lowers the risk of Jet using Zuko's swords to kill Fire Nation citizens.

Once they're inside, the destruction begins. Katara takes care of the waste pipes, blocking the flow of water and then turning that block into ice. The pipes never stood a chance.

Zuko melts the chains holding the ladles. Watches as scarlet, liquid metal flows downwards, damaging everything beneath it and covering it in steel too thick to be taken off easily. It's oddly beautiful.

Jet comes back from his expedition deeper in the building, covered in dust, his hair damp for some reason, and holding thin pipes in his arms. He hands them to Zuko as Katara moves closer.

Jet's plan is a simple one – at least in theory. But it requires technique Zuko isn't sure he has. Melting metal isn't _too_ hard – tiring, yes, but the idea is to just make your fire as hot as possible. _This_ requires to not just melt the pipes, but to keep them solid enough that they maintain their shape.

The goal is to make the pipes malleable enough that Zuko can _literally_ leave a note. Then Katara will solidify the characters, and they will hang the words as high as inhumanly possible.

Somehow, the perspective of welding metal while having half of his body immerged in water doesn't seem very appealing. Even if that water is carrying him. It's still wet and cold and Zuko has had enough of that in the last three years.

At least Jet brought tools to help Zuko bend the pipes into shape. Having to do it all with only arm strength probably wouldn't be nice.

Zuko takes a pipe. Breathes. In – the chi inside his stomach boils – and out – the steel in his hands reddens. In – _hotter_ – and out – spread the heat, don't keep it focused on one spot or you'll make a hole. In – the metal is hot enough that it hurts to hold it – and _out_ – Zuko twists his hands and the pipe _bends_ –

That was… easier than expected. It felt a little like that time he tried glassblowing, except now he didn't have to focus his breathing on two things at once.

Only, what, fifty more left ? He is never going to be done before the sun rises. Still, he starts again, bends pipe after pipe after pipe after pipe, again and again, and with each one it becomes easier, and with each one he feels the sun closer to rising.

Dawn breaks while Katara is holding him some twenty meters above the ground, and he is _so_ glad he handed Lin to Jet before getting up there, because having her wake up and make Zuko lose his focus would be the fastest way to crash into the ground.

He does, however, hurry his work in order to avoid having _Jet_ dealing with a grumpy _firebending_ baby.

They could leave things as such, with broken pipes and molten steel all over, and whatever Jet did in the back, and _do not cross me again_ written above it all – but Katara rises, straightens her back and raises her arms, and Zuko hears a low rumbling sounds coming from outside and suddenly the windows break and water is everywhere.

Holy _shit_. He knew Katara was good, but moving an entire _river_ seems like it goes further than just that. Especially considering she keeps the wild stream away from them all. Zuko still holds Lin as close as he can – she is crying but he can't hear her over the roaring water.

Katara is _terrifying_ , and judging by Jet's paleness, he seems to agree.

Still, they all come out of the factory – or what's left of it – in one piece, and slowly walk back to the campsite. Lin is still crying. Taking her along was a terrible idea, what was he even _thinking_ ? Zuko doesn't think he'll manage to calm her down before going back. If the others weren't already awake thanks to the brutal destruction of the factory by a fucking _river_ , they will be soon.

The sun rises, and Zuko feels his chi grow stronger as he himself grows more tired. This was a long night – a _very_ long night, _two_ in fact – but honestly ? It was worth it.

And if the army still goes after the village after all that, they'll just send Katara at them.

He makes a mental note that crossing her is a terrible idea.


	74. Planned anger

A. N. : It's Sokka time ! For some reason, a lot of my "cultural differences chapters" are Sokka ones. This one features a practice I based on what happened during Book 1 episode 2, though it will be touched upon more in a later chapter. But if you want to know more about it right now, or just ask why I decided to name it "cueing", you can go ahead. Also I think I should be more free from next week onwards, thank the spirits. (Though buying Breath of the Wild might have magically made all of that future free time disappear haha)

* * *

Sokka is _furious_.

He's so angry he can't even _focus_. It was Jet's idea, it _had_ to be Jet's idea, but he can't _believe_ Katara went along with it. Did she _seriously_ forget what happened last time ? An entire _fucking_ village drowned ! And everyone would've _died_ if not for Sokka warning them !

And yet Katara followed Jet _again_ like a fucking _idiot_ !

And Zuko had better shut his mouth because he didn't _stop_ them ! He _helped_ them destroy that army building, _helped_ them fake Appa's sickness, like they somehow have the _time_ for this pig-bullshit ! The eclipse won't wait for any of them, the _invasion_ won't wait, how _dare_ he, how dare the _three_ of them go and jeopardize the whole plan ?

There are _lives_ at stakes, there's Dad and Bato and all the warriors and the friends they've called for help, how can they be so _stupid_ and _selfish_ that they would risk everyone's lives for _nothing_ ?

And _Jet_ ! What the _fuck_ has Jet come in here for ? _All_ he's done so far was to hinder the group ! First he disappears and Aang gets enrolled in a school while looking for him, then he insists they stay one more day even though they don't have the _time_ , and now _this_ !?

Sokka has had enough. If Jet won't make the effort to work with them, then he has to leave. _Now_.

He waits for someone to defend Jet, even if he _really_ doesn't want to, because that's how it is when you cue someone – one person makes the accusation, one person protests, and either the elders or the Chief look at both sides, and decide whether to banish or not.

And Zuko does start arguing, but he's doing it all _wrong_. He should be finding examples of Jet working with everyone, even if there are none, but instead he's accusing the rest of them.

And like, sure, Aang being dressed in a school uniform was what got him enrolled but Jet – _yes_ , Aang also wanted to stay but _Jet_ – what do you mean it was Katara's idea – not now Aang – wait no, what do you, Sokka having never liked Jet doesn't have a thing to do with – Zuko calm down holy _shit_ –

Just because Sokka doesn't like Jet doesn't mean he's finding false pretexts to throw him out, what the fuck !

Spirits, Sokka would love to investigate why in hell Zuko seems to think he's such an asshole, but Aang just pointed out the small, fast-moving boats near the village and that's _it_ , they're _leaving_ , cueing Jet can wait.

Or they _should_ be, if Katara wasn't so intent on doing more, like she hasn't done enough already. And Sokka really wants to leave, but he knows Katara, knows these eyes mean she won't change her mind even if it's useless, because that's how she is and she won't stand by while there are people who need her help, and Sokka might not agree but she is his _sister_ and he won't abandon her.

Still, they can't just rush in without a plan.

Jet – Sokka cannot _believe_ he's opening his mouth right now – says the army took their time, and that probably means whatever they did worked at least partly.

Because blowing up a factory wasn't enough and they just _had_ to pretend they were spirits, like that's not a great way to get yourself eaten by a huge spirit monster. Sokka still can't believe Katara went along with this. But if Jet is right, then it means scaring off the army won't be hard.

If the three idiots got the whole group cursed already, they might as well go the extra mile. The army wants a Painted Lady ? Let's give them one.

Now, the logistics of faking a spirit… obviously Katara will play that part, what with the whole _river spirit_ and _Lady_ stuff. Maybe some wind effects would be nice, meaning Aang has to go too. Fog ? Yeah, definitely. But it's not enough, it needs to be spookier – think Sokka, what's the trick to win scariest story contests ?

Ugh, Jet is offering a suggestion, and Sokka really doesn't want to hear it, because it's either going to be complete ostrich-horseshit, or perfectly reasonable – which would be _worse_ , because then Sokka would have to actually listen to it.

Of course, Jet doesn't care that no one asked him to speak and goes on anyway. He says that back in the forest – great, it's already boring – the Freedom fighters often pretended to be the ghosts of children killed by the Fire Nation – cry a river Jet – to scare off intruders, and that one thing that worked pretty well was to have a few kids stay hidden and make weird, creepy noises.

And Sokka wants to hit himself because that's so obvious ! He can't believe Jet thought of that before him. Ugh.

Anyway, if Jet is _so_ used to making weird noises then Sokka will let him do it. With Toph and Appa – yeah, sure, why the hell not ? Honestly, at this point…

So that's Katara and Aang on spirit stuff, Toph, Appa and Jet on weird noises, Sokka will go to the village as backup, just in case, and as for Zuko – he says he's got Lin to feed and he looks like he hasn't slept in two days – oh _wait_ – so Sokka lets him do whatever. They can manage without him anyway.

Now, let the Operation Painted Lady begin.


	75. Dim candle

A. N. : For some reason these recent chapter days have been really busy... When did tuesdays get like that ? Anyway, today's chapter brings us back to the angsty roots of this fic ! I love pain and also suffering. But hey, there's some cute Lin in there, so that makes it alright, right ? Right ?

* * *

Zuko feels _terrible_.

And maybe the lack of sleep plays a role in that, but mostly it's just an accumulation of _everything_.

He is holding Lin, feeding her what's left of yesterday's fish. She has finally calmed down now that the others left – now that there isn't a fucking _waterfall_ next to her, and what was he _thinking_ , doing something so dangerous with her ?

He already reached the conclusion that he won't be able to keep her safe, but now he's thinking the biggest threat to her safety is _himself_. And it _hurts_ , because all he wants is to stay by her side and make sure nothing ever happens to her, but he keeps fucking up, keep getting in these situations where the only reason she hasn't died yet is that she probably has the luck of Koh himself.

Worse, he _puts_ her in these situations.

There was the desert, when he left her on her own to go fight Azula. There was Ba Sing Se, where he left her with Jet to go after the Avatar's bison. Where he took her with him to betray his Nation, even though he could've left her with Smellerbeee and Longshot and she would've been _safe_ , so much safer than now, with him. He brought her to a camp of warriors who mostly didn't want him alive, and he knows now that Chief Hakoda would've never let them hurt her, but at the time he didn't and he still kept her there.

Hell, he – he thought to use her as a teaching exercise for the Avatar, like she is some kind of _thing_ , just the other day.

He keeps – keeps putting his own desires above her needs. And one day she will be hurt, one day she might even be _burned_ , because of him, because while he might not _want_ this to happen, all he's been doing will lead to this conclusion.

He doesn't want to lose her. Just thinking about it is _painful_ to the point it makes him _sick_. But she would be better off without him.

Maybe it's time he puts her needs first, like he should've been doing from the beginning.

Maybe he should –

Zuko inhales sharply – breathe, don't forget to breathe – and focuses on taking the bits of fish off Lin's face to avoid breaking. He doesn't have any right to. Whatever he does, it will be for Lin, to protect her. What he wants doesn't matter.

It _shouldn't_ matter, but Lin raises her arms, puts her hands on Zuko's face almost like she wants to comfort him, and she smiles and says something that sounds like _Ko_ , and Zuko holds her closer and he can't let her go he _can't_ –

He just doesn't want to hurt her.

The bison groans and rumbling earth and howling birds are stopping, and Zuko really needs to get a grip before Toph and Jet come down from the hill, before the others come back too. But all he does is hold Lin and breathe.

Jet thanked him earlier, just before going, even though Zuko didn't defend him from Sokka out of selfless reasons, even though Jet _knows_ Zuko didn't do it for him, he said so himself – because when has Jet not known these things, really.

Father always intended to get rid of him. Zuko realizes that now. What happened in the war room was just a pretext. In the eyes of father, Zuko was always the same as Jet in the eyes of Sokka. A mistake to put away as soon as possible.

And Zuko is starting to think – starting to develop the idea planted in his mind a long time ago – that maybe the problem was never _him_ at all. That maybe his reluctance to let Lin go, maybe Uncle leaving Ba Sing Se after Lu Ten died – maybe they aren't just the foolish actions of weak-hearted traitors.

Maybe father was never as great as Zuko made him out to be, even back when he actually seemed to care.

Zuko feels the shadow of a though appear, beyond father never loving him – he knew that in Ba Sing Se already – beyond his having to be taken down, beyond his being unfair and cruel – but the thought remains hidden, incomplete.

So Zuko keeps on holding Lin, keeps on breathing, keeps on not being able to let go. He hears the bison, then Toph and Jet laughing while they come closer – cackling, they're cackling and Zuko reminds himself to never leave them along with each other after that.

But that will be for later. For now Zuko just – holds Lin. Breathes.

He doesn't know what to do.


	76. Green wood

A. N. : I never thought I'd ever say this, _especially_ not after having to spend 15 chapters, _twice,_ on unneeded mental anguish - but thank the spirits for Jet ! On an unrelated note, I will be travelling for the next month, meaning next chapter might have to wait until I get back. I'll try my best, but sharks apparently enjoy eating vietnamese internet cables, so no promises.

* * *

Jet is _fine_.

It's weird to think about, really, because he is in the middle of the Fire Nation, travelling with two firebenders – three if he counts Aang, but apparently the lessons aren't going that well, son nah – and Sokka threatened to kick him out of the group just a few hours ago. And yet, he's good.

He helped people. And sure, he also had a lot of fun destroying the machinery in that factory, and sure he wouldn't have done any of that if the army hadn't been the cause of the problems but – he helped people.

The old him would've simply destroyed everything, with no care for the village at all, but he – he stopped himself that first night. No. Zuko and Katara stopped him. And then he helped the village directly, because he _wanted_ to.

He had forgotten how good it felt to do these things.

So yeah, Jet is fine, even though Katara is way more terrifying than he remembered and he has no idea how she didn't kill him at Gaipan, even though Sokka felt threatened in his leadership and took it out on him. Even though Zuko looks terrible.

Normally, he should be joining the others with Toph, but the army left and the group can probably manage on their own, and anyway Toph is already sitting next to Zuko and asking what's wrong – plus something about his pulse ? whatever – so Jet walks to Zuko's other side and sits down too.

Judging by Zuko's face – sad and lost, almost desperate with a hint of reluctance – that fact that he keeps staring at a very healthy-looking Lin, and the tight hold he has on her, he is probably questioning his ability to care for her. Or it has something to do with the Fire Douchelord. Or both. Or something completely different, but Zuko doesn't have that many secrets anymore and that look reminds Jet of his own face when he had just lost a kid to his own mistakes, so –

There goes the mood. Still, Jet sets his guilt aside, at the back of his mind where it belongs, and focuses on Zuko's answer to the question he was just asked. Motherfuck the guy speaks low. Jet had already noticed that in Ba Sing Se, especially when the subject got serious, but between the river and Appa's breathing it's getting pretty hard to hear him now.

Maybe the steam pipe that exploded right next to Jet's head in the factory plays a role in that too. _Maybe_.

Thankfully, Toph exclaiming that _what do you mean, of course you're not going to hurt Lin_ kind of helps with understanding. So Jet was right – _you're kind of dumb Sparky_ , but Toph doesn't get it, _can't_ get it, can't get that even if Zuko is the best person to take care of Lin, much better than Jet ever was to his kids, there's no way he won't question it.

Toph can't get it, but Jet can. So he tells Zuko what _he_ would've wanted to hear, back in the forest, back when he still cared about helping his kids more than about revenge.

He tells Zuko that Lin can't ever be safe, not in this world, not the way she is, and that there are only so many people who would care for her. That the way things are right now, _no one_ is safe. That Zuko is the nicest person, the _best_ person Lin could've found, even if he has as many enemies as there are people in the world. Which he doesn't. That was just a figure of speech stop making this face.

That only he can do that, even if it's far from perfect, because there is no better option, and because he knows how bad things could get with someone who doesn't care, or forgets how to, and so he'll be careful to always give Lin his best.

That only he can do that, but that doesn't mean he has to do it alone. They're a group, the whole of them, and that means they're never alone – Toph punches Zuko in the arm right on cue, _don't think you can get rid of me_.

And Zuko takes his eyes off Lin, looks at Toph, at Jet, and his voice sounds all choked up but he says _sure_.

And Jet is reminded of all the times he soothed The Duke's nightmares, of all the silent discussions he had with Longshot after a kill – Longshot never liked killing – of all the silences he shared with Smellerbee when one of the kids died.

Jet thinks of family, and thinks maybe, after all the mistakes he made, after losing so many people to the fire in his head, maybe –

Maybe he can get this one thing right. Help this one person without messing up. Share his experience with Zuko and support him, and trust Zuko to stop him.

Because – he dares think this again for the first time since he learned about Zuko's fire –

Because Zuko is family.


	77. Right cue

A. N. : I've never posted a chapter this early in the day. Then again I've never been in Vietnam, awake at 5am, and finally giving up on sleep at 8. The joys of travel. Long chapter this time, closing the Painted Lady arc. After that we'll have two intermission chapters before Sokka's Master, and then a big storm will come.

* * *

Things went surprisingly _well_.

For a plan crafted on the spot – and with _Jet's_ help, ugh – the fact that nothing went wrong is already a miracle, but it even actually worked perfectly ! Sokka is pretty satisfied.

He would be even more satisfied if Toph and Jet were actually _in_ the village like they planned, but he's not surprised. Jet seems determined to prove he doesn't belong with the team, and Toph can't say no to rulebreaking and mischief, so –

Remind Sokka again why he thought it would be alright to leave them alone together ? At least Appa will watch out for them. Because of course the literal bison is more responsible than these two human disasters. Of course.

Sokka sighs. At least the plan worked, it's all that matters. Even if Katara went overboard and told the villagers to clean the river, before spookily disappearing in the fog. How did she even _do_ this ?

Dock ferries Sokka and Aang back to the shore, before getting a third hat out of nowhere and becoming Bushi the river cleaner. Aang is incredibly frustrated at the weirdness of the guy – what, like it's the craziest thing they've seen ? – but Sokka just wonders if he has a personality for every occasion. Is there a version of him with a nightcap called Yo who just _loves_ sleeping ? Does he turn into Meshi the food lover every time he wants to eat ? What hat would he even wear then ? What happens if he's not wearing a hat ?

Sokka pats Aang on the back in support and turns back to the camp. He half expects everything to be on fire but no, Toph Zuko and Jet are only sitting next to each other like a nice idiot-brochette, and Katara is washing off her face-pain near Appa. And Lin isn't crying, thank the spirits.

Now the only thing left to do is finish cueing Jet and hopefully banish him, and also get an explanation for why Zuko seems to think Sokka is reaching to get Jet kicked out when he is being perfectly reasonable. And why he did his defence all wrong earlier.

This could take anything between ten minutes and ten hours and Sokka wants to cry a little at his beautiful schedule being all messed up.

And given the way Zuko glares at Sokka when he tries to bring the subject back on the table, ten hours sounds more like it. Motherfuck.

Still, this is _important_ dammit, and Sokka is not about to give up just because prince-jerkface is back in action. Jet needs to face the consequences of his actions and realize the group can't function like that, with him doing whatever the fuck he wants with no regards for the rest of them. If someone can give proof of his usefulness and he stops being a total moron, then he can stay. But so far he's done nothing but bring trouble to everyone.

Why is that idiot defending himself. That's not how it works Zuko already – okay _sure_ , he had _one_ good idea for the Operation Painted Lady, but that was one time, and that doesn't change the fact that he shouldn't be the one saying this.

And now Toph is saying that Jet just helped Zuko with _stuff_ but Sokka wasn't here to see it, and anyway who does he think he is – and _hey_ , that has nothing to do with this, anyone can cue someone if they feel it's needed, does she not know how cueing works –

Oh spirits. She _doesn't_ know how cueing works. None of them has any idea how cueing works and that explains so _much_ – like Zuko doing the defence all wrong or thinking Sokka can somehow make Jet leave for bullshit reasons, or Jet trying to defend himself, or – spirits fuck. May the great octopus strangle him in his sleep, cueing is a Water Tribe thing !

Sokka should've been careful, after the whole _family_ debacle and having to sit through the King's monologue, but he forgot ! He forgot that being from different nations didn't just make a difference for the color of their clothes !

Someone stab him in the foot, _now_. He is such an idiot – and no Toph, he didn't realize that just now, he just needs a reminder from time to time.

Still, now Sokka has to actually explain what he was trying to do to people who have never heard of cueing in their life – and seriously, why didn't anyone say they didn't get what was going on ?

Toph thought he was just being an ass – wow, thanks. Jet thought is was a hissy fit because Sokka can't get anyone to listen to him – fuck you Jet – and Jet was easy to blame – for good reason Jet. And Zuko just thought Sokka wanted to banish Jet – and _yes_ , Sokka is _aware_ banishment is also a thing in the Fire Nation, your sarcasm is not appreciated _jerkprince_.

Why does everyone have so little faith in him ? Don't answer that.

Katara joined them now, and Sokka puts his face in her shoulder and he's _not_ moping, it's just that everything about this is a _mess_. He's not even sure cueing Jet is worth it anymore, since that idiot won't even get what's going on. And explaining would take hours and they're already behind schedule and Sokka just wants to go back to sleep and pretend nothing happened.

He misses Dad. Misses not having to be the adult in the group and being free of the burden of responsibility crushing him. Also Momo sitting on his head doesn't help with the whole _being crushed_ feeling. Seriously Momo get out of there you're getting heavy.

But just as Sokka has decided to give up and get on Appa and move along and forget about this whole disaster – Zuko asks him to explain. And like, that's very nice of him but it's going to take hours and it wouldn't really change anything, would it ?

Jet – _Jet_ ! – disagrees, probably just for the sake of going against Sokka, and says it would actually be good if the group had a way of placing limits that aren't just something one person arbitrarily decided. Sokka is almost impressed – and also horrified because Jet actually being aware of the concept of limits makes what he did a hundred times worse –

But he must put that behind for now, because cueing is about what a person did – or didn't do – in the group, and not about how terrible they are. So he says that. It's all about the group.

Katara adds that unless you've done something _really_ bad – like alerting the Fire Nation by walking into a forbidden place that happened to be a booby-trapped ship – and nothing can compensate it, the banishment is actually pretty rare. Cueing is mostly a warning. A chance to change.

But then, Toph asks, who decides if someone has to leave or not ? And that's actually a pretty good question, since there is no Chief, and no elders either around. Maybe since Aang is the Avatar and a monk and the one who gets in the less fights among them, he should be the one to choose. Since Sokka is doing the cueing here it's not like he could do it. Zuko is defending, Katara has proven she isn't the person to ask for reasonable decision-making – that earns him a hit – and Toph… uh… Toph.

She of course turns the ground Sokka is sitting on into something really uncomfortable – hey, he didn't say anything bad ! – and says she doesn't have any history clouding her judgement on Jet, unlike some, so she should definitely decide.

So Sokka guesses both Aang and Toph are going to play the elders here, even though they're the youngest in the group. Because nothing can ever make sense.

Oh well, it's not as if they'll always play that role anyway. The group is too small for the conflicts to never include one of these two. Speaking of which, there is now definitely a rule against cueing anyone while suffering from lack of sleep. Or when being chased by a crazy princess.

And of course since only the actions are judged, the defence can only include actions of the same person. No attacking other people at the same time, looking at you Zuko. And also there is one person attacking and one person defending and that's _all_. No ganging up on someone, whether that's the cued or the cuer.

And – that's about it actually ! Probably. If there's still something unclear or not fit for a small team they'll figure it out later hopefully.

That didn't take half as long as Sokka was fearing. Things are going very well today. It's almost scary.

So now he guesses it's time to start the cueing of Jet from the beginning and see if they can actually get somewhere that way. So Sokka goes over it again – the disappearance and subsequent enrolling of Aang, the wasted time in that village despite the tight schedule, the complicity in wasting _more_ time in _this_ village, and the blowing up of that factory over there in spite of the trouble it could've brought. All good reasons to banish him.

Zuko opens his mouth, stops, frowns – _just give him a second, he's not used to that_ – Jet hasn't killed anyone during the whole time they've been in the Fire Nation – uh, yeah, so did all of them, that's not really a –

Ouch ! Alright, alright Toph ! No interrupting is now part of the rules, fine ! There was no need to hit that hard, geez.

 _The point is_ – Zuko glares so hard Sokka feels like he's going to combust spontaneously, but he keeps his mouth shut – the point is, Jet has been _trying_. He knows he has _problems_ with fire, and he's been dealing with them the best he can. The wasted time in Sazakura was to get used to the idea of firebenders not being inherently a threat to him. If he didn't care about the group, he wouldn't do that.

He isn't – isn't a _good_ person, but he's trying to get better. He shouldn't have to go because he made a few mistakes on the way there. He just needs a little time – or a bit more than that, but kicking him out now would just be a waste. He's already proven he can be useful when planning, and he is a good fighter. Once he gets what is and isn't alright, he'll be a great ally.

So they should – give Jet a chance. Like they did with Zuko.

And Sokka can't believe Zuko managed to build an actual defence for Jet of all people, can believe even less that it made sense, but he did, and it did.

And when Aang and Toph decide they should keep Jet, Sokka isn't surprised. What surprises him is that he's not sure he disagrees. And it's really weird and unsettling that he can think of Jet as a potentially not all bad person.

Ah well, weirder things have happened.


	78. Silent trade

A. N. : I am ! Back ! Today's intermission features gal pals, again, and the running theme of these chapters continues. I think by now it's probably becoming obvious what that theme is... Anyways, on to Azula !

* * *

Azula is _training_.

Or maybe _experimenting_ would be the more accurate term. She has the nails of one hand painted gold while the other wears nothing – the goal is to figure out why lightning comes easier to the first. Even though she purposefully painted her bad hand.

She of course already knew how the lightning would react. But the first step to understanding something is to make sure the premises are correct. Otherwise you end up with a result that doesn't fit the theory – you end up _wrong_ , and that is not acceptable, Azula _cannot_ be wrong, Zuzu joining the Avatar's friends was not supposed to _happen_ –

She wasn't wrong. She could not have predicted this. Zuzu simply – acted out of turn, as he always does. Azula's predictions have nothing to do with this.

Thankfully, she will be able to fix this soon. No need to chase him around the Earth Kingdom anymore. He will come on his own, and she will be waiting.

He weapons need to be perfect. She will erase this disgraceful stain on the royal record. On her record.

But the first step to perfection, birth aside, is research. Work. Understand your skills, know when and how to use them, their strengths and weaknesses, and how to ensure a perfect, instant win.

She will play with the barbarians for eight minutes, then end them in one go. Even if the Avatar was still alive, they wouldn't stand a chance of reaching Father. As they will be, destroying them will be laughingly simple.

She'll keep Zuzu for last. Make him watch his unending failure. Make him _pay_ for making a fool of her.

She won't disappoint Father again.

Azula breathes. In – and out –

The flow of chi doesn't seem to be affected by the nail polish. There is a slight uneasiness in the root and throat, but nothing acupuncture can't solve. She will have Ty Lee's aunt fix this before the eclipse.

A few bursts of fire and Azula has the confirmation that only lightning is affected by the gold. It almost makes her wonder how both elements are related if they are so different in nature.

 _Almost_ , because the answer is obvious – chi. Firebending is all about chi manipulation, and lightning generation only takes this further. Gold doesn't help with division of chi between yin and yang, doesn't facilitate the reuniting either, meaning – it is once the lightning is made that gold takes effect.

Gold helps lightning travel through the hand. Gold helps lighting travel.

As of now, Azula cannot guarantee the effects on a larger scale. But she will find out. Gold is far from a rarity in the palace after all.

But that is enough lightning for today. Any more, and she risks experiencing numbness, first in her fingers, then her arms, then – well, she never went farther than that, so she can only imagine.

Azula despises uncertainty, but barely feeling her arms for a week after over-exerting herself has left her quite unwilling to experiment more with the consequences of generating lightning. Perhaps she could _convince_ uncle fatso to do it and report the results.

That would be much more useful than letting Mai interrogate him over nothing. Oh, they didn't talk about it, but Azula knows Mai went to see him, to supposedly get _information_ – but let's be honest, she probably only went to cry over Zuzu. It's disappointing, really, that she would get so upset over him.

Zuzu was always unworthy of her affections – weak and clumsy and so unbelievably _stupid_ – and that Mai took so long to realize this is _shameful_. And to think Azula always made sure Mai would see how ridiculous and weak Zuzu really is too.

Ungrateful, blind, _stupid_ girl. Maybe they do deserve each other. But in the end it doesn't matter, because Mai is here where she belongs, and Zuzu is –

Zuzu is gone. He betrayed. Like the _coward_ he's always been, and Azula should've seen this coming but she _didn't_ and that's not _right_ Azula is never _wrong_ –

That's not right. That can't be right, but the facts are such and Father is _disappointed_ with her because she didn't bring Zuzu back and she let him tarnish their name –

No, no, again, that's not right. It's not her fault. Iroh, that disgusting traitor, _he_ is the one to blame, not _her_. Not her.

Azula cannot deny the facts, but she twists the circumstances so they fit the truth she needs. It's a careful balance of facts – she was asked to bring Zuzu back before he made things worse and she didn't and he did – and half-truths – she didn't fail she's not like _him_ –

Azula does not fail. She can't, and she won't.

One last deep breath before joining Ty Lee under the porch – she looks at Azula weirdly, but then smiles her usual dumb smile and offers to pour some tea. There is an unfinished game of shogi next to her and Azula rolls her eyes – Ty Lee is going to lose in two turns, five at best, and the trap is so obvious it's almost offensive.

Ty Lee doesn't like shogi, she almost only ever plays Pai Sho whenever she manages to sit down for long enough. Mai used to joke that she was secretly a grandma.

The board is bait for Azula, to get her to sit down, rest, drink tea, forget about Zuzu, and act like she isn't annoyed at the Dai Li agent pretending to make friends with Ty Lee.

She calls out the ruse, of course, and Ty Lee looks sheepish but unsurprised, of course. That plan was never going to work.

But Azula is done with her research for the day, is slightly dehydrated, and hasn't had a good game of shogi in ages. But that would be letting Ty Lee and Qin win. But depriving herself of a good time in the name of one-upping people she _knows_ she is superior to would be ridiculous and quite unworthy of her.

She will enjoy this moment, and put them in their place later. Qin stops hiding when she sits, and sets up the board while Ty Lee pours tea. Azula takes a sip.

It's refreshing.


End file.
